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BDSM Gear Guide

23 February, 2021

BDSM Gear Guide

I’ve written several ‘sexy product’ guides here at the Cara Sutra sex blog, advice guides for sex toys, lubes, and specific kinky sex accessories too. Today I’d like to present my big BDSM gear guide, where I will help you navigate the enormous and diverse world of kinky toys and tools used to enhance power exchange sessions.

BDSM Gear Guide

Bondage Sex Toys

When you mention BDSM, one of the first things that comes to mind is bondage. After all, that’s what the ‘B’ in BDSM stands for (read more about what BDSM stands for). Therefore, my big guide to BDSM gear starts by touching on the sub-category of bondage sex toys, aka bondage accessories.

I’m only briefly mentioning this category of BDSM gear because I’ve already written a separate guide about these items: my big guide to bondage sex toys.

Bondage accessories are used to consensually restrain another person for their kinky pleasure, and your mutual enjoyment of the power exchange session. These accessories may take the form of handcuffs or other ankle & wrist restraints, an arm binder, hog ties, bondage rope, bondage tape, spreader bars, a straitjacket or large items of bondage and dungeon furniture.

Enjoy all our bondage sex toys reviews

Spanking Toys

Similar to the bondage sex toys above, I have also written a separate advice guide for spanking implements used to deliver consensual corporal punishment in BDSM sessions. Find my big guide to spanking toys.

When you think about spanking, you might envisage an open palm spanking someone’s bare bottom as they’re laid across a lap. This is OTK or Over The Knee spanking. There are many other ways a spanking or corporal punishment can be delivered, though; for start, it could be over a spanking stool or while the ‘spankee’ is restrained to another item of bondage furniture.

Spanking doesn’t have to be given by hand, either – there are many other effective tools which give a variety of different punishment sensations and experiences. These include paddles, riding crops, floggers, canes and whips. There are also ‘kinky punishment’ electrosex BDSM toys designed to add an extra ‘spark’ of sensual pain during D/s liaisons.

Enjoy all our spanking toy reviews

Collars and Leashes

In BDSM, collars mean different things to different people. They can be an extremely poignant symbol of submission and ownership, worn at all times, or they might be seen as just another kinky sex accessory and worn only during those brief but incredibly erotic kinky sessions together.

BDSM collars are traditionally made of leather, although you may also find collars made from materials like faux leather, neoprene, rubber and PVC. Collars might be plain, or adorned with studs, diamante or spelling out a word (like ‘slut’ or ‘bitch’).

There is often at least one D or O ring on a BDSM collar which means that a lead/leash can be attached. You could fashion your own leash using rope (which should only ever be used through the collar’s D or O ring, never directly around a person’s neck), or use one of the many leads available which have a trigger clip at one end for easy fastening. You can find collar and leash sets available to buy.

Aside from being an immediately obvious and one of the most recognisable symbols of ownership in the D/s world, a collar (with or without a leash attached) can be enjoyed just during a fun play session or as part of kinky sex, as I’ve already mentioned. Having someone on all fours while holding the end of the leash that connects to the collar around their neck can be extremely empowering and intoxicating for the one in control, while reiterating the submissive role to the one wearing the collar.

Whether you combine collar and leash wearing with pet role play – such as puppy play – is entirely up to you!

Enjoy all our BDSM collar reviews

Mouth Gags

Gagging someone removes their ability to communicate verbally, reducing any utterances to unintelligible sounds like grunts and moans. This highlights their vulnerable predicament and submissive role, while enhancing the feeling of power and control for the person in the Dominant role.

The type of mouth gag most associated with gagging someone in BDSM is a ball gag, but there are many other styles. Even with ball gags you have a variety of choices when it comes to the perfect one for you (or your submissive).

Will the strap be leather, rubber, or fabric?

Will the ball part of the gag be made from rubber, silicone, plastic or another material? You can even find candy gobstopper styles which will really make them drool.

Will your ball gag have a solid ball -or will it be a breathable style, with holes in?

Finally, what size ball will best fit the person’s mouth? Make sure it’s not too big to fit, or too small to satisfy. Take note of the dimensions listed on the product page when you’re buying your ball gag.

Other Types Of BDSM Mouth Gags

Ring Gags

These may also be called O-ring gags. They are literally a ring, usually made of metal or covered with fabric such as leather, which is fitted between the submissive person’s teeth so that the ring is upright parallel to their throat. The strap of the gag fastens at the back of the head like a typical ball gag.

I’ve found it difficult to find a ring gag with a space through the ring big enough to fit a penis or strap-on dildo; this does of course also depend on how big a ring you can fit between the teeth. Ring gags are ideal for keeping a person gagged from speech while keeping their mouth open for other wickedly inventive kinky play –funnels, watersports, forced intoxication, bukkake and tongue worship, for a start.

Open Mouth Gags

Like ring gags, open mouth gags are designed to prevent the wearer from speaking (or at least, speaking clearly) while at the same time allowing access to their mouth, tongue and throat.

These gags include types such as dental gags, ratchet gags and Jenner’s gags.

Hook Gags

Hook gags (or spreader gags) have an adjustable length of leather or other fabric which passes round the back of the head, while each end has a (safe to insert into the mouth) metal hook which literally hooks the sides of the mouth.

The strap needs to be adjusted to the appropriate length in order to keep the hooks in the sides of the mouth and the lips are forced apart sideways keeping the mouth open for humiliation and access purposes.

Bit Gags

You know the bit which goes into the horse’s mouth? That’s what this type of mouth gag is named for. The bit part of the gag is a flat strip or cylindrical piece of metal, rubber or fabric/leather which is put between the wearer’s teeth. There is the usual strap which is fastened at the back of the head.

Hook gags and bit gags are great alternatives for people who find ball gags too uncomfortable or even impossible to wear. They don’t force the teeth and mouth open as much, so a small bit gag is a brilliant introduction to mouth gags for beginners and those ready to experiment with being gagged.

Enjoy all our BDSM mouth gag reviews

Sensation Play Accessories

Accessories which heighten the various senses are popular in BDSM. The exchange of power, sacrificing and taking of control, and perhaps other elements such as bondage and orgasm control provide avenues for thrilling psychological stimulation, as well as physical.

Sensory play BDSM toys reiterate the dominance and submission in a kink session through nuances of pleasure and pain. Sensations given can include prickles, sharp scratches, tickles of a teasing feather, stings, and heat or cold.

Enjoy all our BDSM sensation play toy reviews

Examples Of Sensory Play Accessories

Wax Play Candles

These candles have been specially made to be used during D/s sessions. Wax play candles melt at a lower temperature than regular, household candles, meaning that the wax can be safely dripped from a height on to a fleshy area of the body without burns or damage. Don’t be tempted to use regular candles, as they aren’t safe.

Dripping the wax from wax play candles on to a submissive partner, bound or unbound, provides a delicious sting as well as an erotically kinky shared experience for both partners.

Wax play candles reviews

Pinwheels

Pinwheels may also be called Wartenberg Wheels, named for Robert Wartenberg who originally designed them to test nerve reactions and sensitivity as it rolled across the skin.

Single pinwheels look like little pizza cutters, in that there’s a spiked wheel which you roll across skin in order to provide a light or heavier prickling sensation. Other pinwheels are more like a roller with several strips of small spikes. The aim, I must emphasise, is not to pierce or cut the skin, only to provide a prickling, teasing, pleasurable pain sensation.

BDSM Pinwheel reviews

Vampire Gloves

These gloves also provide a prickling, pleasure/pain sensation. Vampire gloves are fabric gloves (I’ve had soft material and leather ones) which have a multitude of little spikes all over the inner surface, facing outwards.

The wearer can then run their hands lightly over their submissive partner’s skin, causing goose bumps and gasps of surprise and delight.

Vampire gloves are particularly effective sensory tools when combined with bondage and a blindfold.

Urethral Sounding

Urethral sounds are rods of varying widths which are, with the aid of good quality sex lube, inserted into the end of the penis and down the urethra, for intense and pleasurable stimulation purposes.

First rule of urethral sounding? Do it safely. Use lube, as I’ve mentioned – but also, actual sounds, not just any rod-like implement you find lying around your home. You need to use the correct equipment for such a delicate ‘operation’. Second rule? Take it slow.

You can find out all about penis sounding from an experienced fan in our Beginner’s Guide To Urethral Sounding, by the brilliant Ruffled Sheets.
Also, you may like to check out our urethral sounds reviews.

Sensory Deprivation Accessories

As well as BDSM toys to heighten sensitivity and the Dominance vs submission experience through sensory stimulation, there are also tools to deprive your play partner of one or more of their senses. Temporarily removing a sense during a BDSM session, such as sight, or sound, has the effect of heightening other senses. It forces the one being deprived of a sense to hone in on their other senses, instead. They experience the D/s session in a different way, a more intense way.

I have written a more in-depth guide to kinky sensory deprivation, which you may find useful.

Sensory deprivation items also provide the element of surprise for the one in control during the D/s session. A person who is blindfolded can’t see what’s coming next, while someone in a total sensory deprivation hood can’t see, hear or smell –meaning anything that happens to them in ‘out of the blue’ and therefore has more of a psychological impact.

Waiting for the Dominant partner’s next move while having one or more senses removed tests patience, heightens anticipation and the overall excitement and eroticism of the session, as well as reiterating the Dominance and submission at play.

These sensory deprivation accessories can include blindfolds and eye masks to remove sight, full face masks, and total sensory deprivation bondage hoods which range in their ability to remove one or more senses such as sight, hearing and smell.

Enjoy all our BDSM sensory deprivation toy reviews

CBT and Chastity

CBT stands for cock and ball torture. The ‘torture’ involved can range from mild, such as wearing a weighted cock ring or a tightly laced and/or leashed leather cock cage, to extreme, such as ball kicking and trampling, compression of the testicles in a vice, wearing a humbler or a small cock and ball enclosure filled with spikes.

I’ve included chastity here – penis chastity – as this active form of orgasm control and denial is cock and ball torture of a kind. Chastity isn’t only enjoyed (if that’s the right word) by people with a penis, but that’s the type I’ve encountered most often. I am an avid penis chastity fan and have a lot of experience as a Keyholder.

Tools used to enact the fulfilling punishment experienced through CBT and penis chastity include ball stretchers & weighted cock rings, penis plugs, spiked cock rings like the Iron Maiden, and humblers. Chastity devices / chastity cages may be made from fabric such as leather, flexible silicone or rigid plastic or metal.

Shop for yours: UberKinky have a great range of cock and ball torture tools as well as chastity devices, and Oxy Shop are a popular chastity cage stockist too.

Enjoy all our kinky CBT toy reviews and chastity device reviews

Specific Fetish Tools

The world of kink and fetish is enormous, and it would take more of a book than a blog-based guide to attempt to cover each and every one of them adequately. There are specific BDSM toys for various niche fetishes, and these include:

Pet Play

Fans of pet play enjoy assuming the role of a domesticated animal, or being ‘in charge’ of that person acting in the animal role. Pet play can include kitten, or more commonly, puppy play.
Pony play is another popular form of pet play in BDSM.

Pet play accessories therefore include all the ephemera you would expect to find relating to these animals in the real world, such as collars, leads, food and water bowls, reins, bit (worn as a bit gag, mentioned previously in this guide), saddle, ears or an animal-type mask/hood and even anally-inserted tail plugs.

Medical Play

Medical play enthusiasts love re-enacting a kinky version of doctor/nurse and patient, which can be played out through a variety of imagined situation and relationship types, and with plenty of medical (or medical style) accessories.

These medical play accessories can include, but are by no means limited to, pinwheels, dental and ratchet style open-mouth gags, funnel gags, vaginal and anal speculums, labia and clitoral clamps, vaginal dilators, urethral sounds, penis plugs, anal hooks, latex gloves, lube applicator ‘syringes’, bed restraint straps, straitjackets, medical uniforms or costumes and fluidproof sheets.

Ageplay

Ageplay is a commonly misunderstood fetish, and one which I am personally a fan of. In the ageplay fetish, one person assumes the psychological (but obviously not physical) role of someone much younger. The play partners are both adults, there is full and active consent at all times, but the roleplay is such that one person is much younger and the other person is older The person in the ‘older’ role might be ‘taking advantage’ of the innocent young person, and/or in a caring, guardian role while the one in the ‘younger’ role submits through being completely ‘innocent’ and liberated of all adult-type responsibility.

An example of ageplay, which is rather mysteriously accepted in the mainstream, is the schoolgirl fantasy. Schoolgirl uniform costumes are sold in high street sex shops and worn both in erotic bedroom settings with adult sex partners as well as en masse by hen parties ‘out on the town’.

The type of ageplay I am most familiar with is DD/lg, which stands for Daddy Dom / little girl. I have enjoyed this roleplay on many occasions with my partner. BDSM toys and accessories we might use to enhance the scenario include the schoolgirl fantasy costumes and ‘sexy’ uniforms mentioned above, or just innocent-looking white panties and knee-high socks. There are ‘sized up’ dummies/pacifiers to be used specifically when indulging in this fetish, whether the usual latex/plastic style or a pacifier-style BDSM mouth gag.

ABDL is another type of ageplay, and this stands for Adult Baby / Diaper Lover. Not all adult baby roleplay fans are into wearing nappies or diapers, and not all diaper lovers necessarily enjoy the ageplay element of BDSM. As with most human interests, the specifics vary between individuals.

Electrosex Stimulation

Using electric for erotic stimulation is exciting, intriguing, and may even seem a little dangerous. A healthy respect for electric and the various safety precautions we all take regarding electricity are usually instilled from a young age, so marrying up electric with pleasurable physical sensations can seem, at best, a little complex.

Don’t worry: If you follow the safety precautions unique to electrosex, all will be well. I’ve written a Beginner’s Guide To Electrosex, which you may find helpful, and Joanne from sexmachinereviews.co.uk has written a brilliant Introduction to E-Stim.

These guides cover the subject of electrosex and electro sex toys in more depth. In BDSM sessions where electroplay is used for pleasure, consensual pain and/or control as part of the Dominant/submissive role play, various electrosex tools may be used. The cornerstone item is an electro control unit, to which either electro pads or other external or internally inserted electro sex toys are connected and used on the submissive person.

There are electrosex dildos, butt plugs, nipple clamps, spanking paddles and much more.

Strap-On Sex

Strap-on sex isn’t a uniquely kinky activity; it’s not only enjoyed by power exchange fans in the BDSM sphere. Strap-on harnesses and strap-on compatible dildos might be enjoyed during sex where both people have a vagina, and one person penetrates the other either vaginally or anally with the strapped-on dildo or toy. The term ‘pegging‘ is used to refer to strap-on sex where the harness is worn by someone with a vagina, penetrating the arse of someone with a penis. I’ve strap-on fucked my man, not as part of any power exchange role play, but simply because he and I enjoy the experience.

That said, strap-on sex can also, of course, be enjoyed as part of a kinky role play scenario. Being strap-on fucked by a Domme or Mistress is a fetish and huge turn-on for many submissives in the FemDom part of the BDSM sphere. I have strap-on fucked several of my male submissives and slaves in the past, and thoroughly enjoyed the experience.

Strap-on sex usually requires one person to wear a strap-on harness, which either has a dildo integral to its design or a separate strap-on compatible dildo is needed to be worn with it. This protrudes from the front and is used to sexually penetrate your consenting play partner. There are also strapless strap-ons, where the bulb part of the toy is worn vaginally (or anally) by the person doing the penetrating, with the phallic penetrative part of the toy protruding to the front, ready to use. They may be vibrating or non-vibrating.

BDSM Clothing

As well as BDSM toys, clothing has a role to play in BDSM. It helps to set the tone, evoke the appropriate mood, enhance the atmosphere and highlights the Dominant and submissive roles of the play partners.

BDSM clothing (fetish wear) isn’t by any means mandatory; I’ve lived in very different 24/7 power exchange relationships and wearing either leather catsuit with thigh boots or just a collar and nipple clamps the whole time really isn’t practical. I found dominating my slaves just as enjoyable whether I was completely togged up in my ‘shinies’ or comfy & cosy in my pyjamas and fluffy slippers. Fetish clothing and certain role-play costumes are extremely fun when those involved want to wear and use them, however.

We associate certain clothing fabrics with the world of BDSM, likely due to various kink-related media over the years as well as people’s specific fetishes for these materials. For example, fetish clothing is often made from leather, latex or PVC.

Specific types of fetish clothing you may encounter include the stereotypical FemDom attire (catsuit, corsets, thigh-high boots or stiletto heels). High heels and boots have their own fetishists in the BDSM world.

Role play costumes and kinky attire may also include French maid outfits, the satin and lace of ‘sissy’ submissives, schoolgirl costumes and secretary outfits. The full ‘gimp’ get-up usually consists of a skin-tight black outfit made from a typically kinky material and a gimp mask or hood (whether just decorative or designed for sensory deprivation).

Shop for yours: Vawn and Boon sell beautifully soft, skin-tight PVC fetish wear (click to read my Vawn & Boon reviews) and Honour.co.uk are famous for their fetish clothing. For other sexy costumes and erotic role play outfits, check out the links below:

Dungeon Furniture

Finally, it’s time to talk about the big stuff in the world of BDSM toys: furniture. When you think of a well-equipped BDSM dungeon, you’ll likely not only imagine the people involved plus the stereotypical collar and a whip. There will be other features, dungeon furniture, items made of wood, or metal, or covered in leather and designed to keep someone bound and/or positioned a certain way for corporal punishment to be easily exacted.

What sort of furniture might you find in a BDSM dungeon or kinky playroom?

Spanking Bench / Spanking Stool

This is a bench which is typically padded and/or fabric covered, designed for the purpose of spanking someone laid over or across it. A spanking bench may have O-rings, D-rings or other fixing accessories so that a submissive can be bound to the bench while being spanked.

A spanking stool is similar, but obviously smaller in design as it’s a stool not a full bench.

Queening Stool

A Queening stool – also known as a smotherbox – is a box, stool or seat used during facesitting (Queening, or Kinging). Facesitting is where the person in the Dominant role sits on or over the face of the one in the submissive role, for humiliation or allowed/’forced’ oral sex services. Queening/facesitting may be carried out while the Dominant person is clothed or where their genital area is naked and accessible.

Smotherboxes and Queening stools are designed to take the full weight of the sitting person for safety and comparative comfort, as well as allowing easier access to the anal/vaginal regions of the one doing the sitting. These stools and boxes have an open area beneath the buttocks, and either a space or cut-out where the submissive’s head goes.

Wooden Horse

The Wooden Horse, styled like a saw-horse, is a solid box like a pommel horse or vaulting box with a triangulated design. The submissive person is sat atop the wooden horse, their weight bearing down on the narrower part of the ‘horse’ while their legs are astride the rest of the device.

Weights and/or restraints may be used to heighten the intensity of this torturous experience, which is one of many styles of predicament bondage.

St Andrew’s Cross

The St Andrew’s Cross is perhaps the most traditional and easily recognisable piece of BDSM and dungeon furniture. Made from wood, or covered with padding and a fabric such as leather, this is a large X-shaped piece of furniture. A submissive person is stood facing the X or facing outward, and they may be stood freely or restrained to the ‘cross’.

While on the St Andrew’s Cross, all manner of kinky activities can be enjoyed –spanking, chastity tease and denial, urethral sounding, ball busting, tit torture, predicament bondage, sensation play… Whatever you can imagine within the boundaries of consent and SSC/RACK.

Stocks & Pillories

Stocks and pillories are often confused one for the other, or thought to be one and the same thing.

Stocks are used to restrain someone by their feet, with feet placed into a wooden block with cut-out sections which is then locked around the ankles. The stocks are particularly popular with those who have a tickling fetish, for obvious reasons. You may find hand stocks too, or stocks for both hands and feet, like my Lodbrock devices in the images above.

Enjoy all my Lodbrock reviews

A pillory is also usually made from wood, and usually consists of a block atop a post, which has holes to secure the head and the hands. The submissive’s head and hands are placed through the cut-outs designed for them, then the upper part comes down to cup their neck and wrists, trapping them safely. The pillory is then locked, and is a very secure item of bondage furniture.

To learn more about the huge and diverse world of the fetishes within BDSM, take a look at my Handy List of BDSM Fetishes & Kinks.

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