What Is Fisting? How To Fist Your Partner Safely

What Is Fisting? How To Fist Your Partner Safely

Heard of fisting? This sexual activity isn’t talked about much in the mainstream, but plenty of partners enjoy fisting. You can fist someone vaginally or anally. Because of the shape and size of our hands, even as a closed fist, fisting can seem like a terrifying prospect – something only done by fetishists into sadism and masochism. Today I’m going to thrust into this intriguing and often mysterious activity with both hands, explaining what fisting is, revealing its allure, and my top tips on how to fist your partner safely. [celebratory fist pump]

What Is Fisting?

Fisting is the act of inserting one’s hand, either open palm with fingers together, or as a closed fist, into the vaginal or anal opening for sexual stimulation. The aim is to insert the entire hand up to the wrist, but often it’s simply as far as the hand will go, because of the shape and size of hands in general. With practice, patience and plenty of lube, you may be able to insert/take the entire open hand/closed fist vaginally or anally.

Fisting for sexual pleasure isn’t limited to persons of a particular gender, sexuality or relationship status – anyone can give it a go, preferably while following some basic safety guidelines.

What’s The Big Appeal?

There are various reasons why people find the act of fisting, or being fisted, so alluring.

Different & Extreme

Fisting is different to the traditional ins ‘n outs of sex. It’s viewed as an extreme stimulation or penetration method. For those who are new to fisting, it will certainly shake things up in a stale sex life situation.

Kinky Territory

Because fisting is perceived as extra kinky, there is the allure of stepping into darker, taboo sexual territory which provides an almost illicit thrill.

Increased Physical Stimulation

Plus, there’s the physical aspect. Having a whole hand inside you, or inside someone else, is indisputably extremely arousing. Hands are so different to the usual parts of the anatomy, or sex products, we use for internal stimulation. Unlike the largely cylindrical forms of a penis or phallic sex toys, a clenched fist or an open palm offers a totally different size, shape, texture and movement, which stimulates a larger area of internal tissue and in an unusual way. This sensory potential is incredibly enticing for wannabe fisters and fistees.

The Challenging Aspect

Some people get a kick out of ticking another sexual activity off their sexual bucket list. Setting yourself sexual challenges then being able to fulfil them in a safe, consensual setting is thoroughly satisfying in a variety of ways.

BDSM Pain/Pleasure

Fisting holds another layer of attraction for those in, or curious about, the BDSM scene. Those with a decidedly kinky streak may be drawn to fisting as they love taking psychological and physical stimulation to the extreme.

Fisting isn’t usually seen as a typical or vanilla sex activity, therefore it already holds allure for kinksters. With the additional prospect of including it in power exchange role play and relationships, the possibilities are mouth-watering.

The size and shape of hands, the perceived difficulties, pain and ‘extremeness’ of fisting can be off-putting for many who prefer the more vanilla, sensual and romantic side of sex – so for sadists and masochists, the idea & activity of fisting is captivating indeed.

Top Tips for Comfortable Fisting

If you’d like to try fisting, first take a moment to review my top tips which will help you achieve safe, comfortable fisting:

Get Clean

Ensure you have clean hands. If you don’t thoroughly wash your hands then you may be harbouring bacteria, especially underneath fingernails, which can introduce potential health risks to the person you’re fisting. Speaking of nails, make sure yours are trimmed and filed smoothly before fisting your partner.

Get Relaxed

Both partners need to be as comfortable and relaxed as possible. I understand this may not be easy – especially if you’re apprehensive about your first time being fisted – but it really will help your body loosen up and receive the clenched fist or open hand during penetration. Find somewhere comfortable, have everything you may need within easy reach, put some relaxing music on, lock the doors and make sure you have plenty of time to spare.

Get Aroused

To further help with the readiness, get yourself and the area to be fisted as aroused as possible before you begin. If you or your partner is psychologically in the zone, and physically at the point of being receptive to penetration, this is the best start possible for a great fisting session. Diving straight in without pre-arousal will likely lead to disappointing ‘failure to fist’, painful stretching and possibly even skin tears, so it’s well worth taking the time to properly ready the person – mind and body.

Staying physically and mentally aroused throughout fisting will help immeasurably. Try using a bullet vibrator or other external stimulation while the fist is on its way inside. The physical sensation and arousal will help your body receive the fist.

Pictured: The We-Vibe Tango X Bullet Vibrator

Get Lubed

Sensual glide beats dry chafing & pain every single time. Fisting is already an extreme event; don’t make the process worse and perhaps even dangerous by attempting it dry. Check your lube supplies, pre-lube then add even more lube during the sesh if necessary. This is particularly important for any anal play, but when it comes to vaginal fisting I wouldn’t rely on just natural lubrication either. Pop a towel or Cumpanion down before you start, then get lubed and slippery. It will make all the difference, believe me.

Avoid Desensitiser

I’ve written about the perils of using anal desensitiser previously, and the warning stands when it comes to fisting. Please don’t opt for any desensitising gels to ease vaginal or anal fisting discomfort, because it doesn’t prevent damage, it simply numbs you against the rips during the session – which you will feel fully & suffer from once the effect wears off.

During fisting, just like in anal sex and when using anal sex toys, it’s important that you know when to stop. Let your body guide you, in order to avoid residual pain or even physical damage.

Have An Orgasm (& a wee)

After vaginal fisting it’s a good idea to have an orgasm. I mean – it’s always a good idea to have an orgasm, right? Well yes, but particularly after vaginal fisting. Some people may climax during the fisting sesh, but if you don’t then use whatever technique is effective for you in order to orgasm post-fist.

Fisting doesn’t lead to a baggy or loose vagina despite prevailing myths (you know some people have a whole baby out of there, right?), but having an orgasm after fisting is certainly a quick-start to returning the muscles within the vagina, and the pelvic floor muscles, to usual tight form.

Have a wee after vaginal fisting and the post-fist orgasm too – this will help prevent UTIs. In fact, have a wee after any kind of sexual activity*. It’s good for you.

Safety Precautions

Staying safe, avoiding damage/upset and prioritising excitement & pleasure are the main things to focus on when it comes to fisting. With that in mind, here are a few safety precautions to take note of before your first fisting session:

Go Slow & Practice

Don’t dive straight in with a whole hand or fist (or on to a whole hand or fist, come to that). Work up to it slowly and gently, taking your time and noting any discomfort. It will likely take practice and stretching exercises to be able to receive a whole fist, so use your fingers and/or sex toys in gradually increasing size to help you adequately prepare.

Did you know it’s possible to fist yourself? Part of your practice could include working up to taking your whole fist internally rather than just fingers, dildos or a butt plug. Whether you can fist yourself vaginally, anally or at all will of course depend on your mobility and flexibility, so don’t be disheartened if fisting requires a partner in your case. Some people can even suck their own cock!

Pictured: The John Thomas Toys Arnie’s Extremity Fisting Dildo

Check out these fisting dildos if you haven’t got a partner, or if you simply want to practice in a realistic way, on your own.

Avoid Bondage As A Beginner

Take special care if you’re fisting/being fisted while in bondage. In fact, at least while you’re working up to taking a whole fist, or still new to the experience, I’d advise against adding in a bondage element. It’s safer to retain your whole range of movement and stay in control of how much hand/stimulation you’re receiving.

Similarly, I’d strongly recommend not using any mouth gags at this point – verbal instructions and guidance will help your partner go as slowly as you require and avoid unnecessary pain or damage.

Set A Safe Word

If you are fisting during a BDSM session or as part of a power exchange relationship, then it’s important to have a safe word in place before you start. This is a word used in place of ‘no’ or ‘stop’, which you wouldn’t usually say during a sex or adult fun session, which acts as an instant signal to your partner to stop what they’re doing.

Read more about BDSM safe words and traffic lights in my related feature.

Exit As Gently As You Enter

There’s usually a lot of emphasis on taking care with the clenched fist or open hand on the way into the body, in fisting guides and suchlike, but removing the fist should be done just as carefully once you’re finished.

Pain and damage can also occur on the way out, as well as on the way in, so take it slowly and gently, adding more lube or external sexual stimulation if required.

No Boxing Gloves

Or dinosaur heads. And no fisting of peeholes.

In Conclusion

Whether fisting ends up being a favourite sex activity for you or absolutely not your thing, it’s good to be aware of both what it is and how to attempt it in a safe, consensual and fun way. Although injuries from fisting are rare, they can happen. Rips, severe chafing and even prolapse are potential hazards, but by following the safety precautions & top tips in this article you can avoid pain and damage.

As an aside, it was interesting to note in my recent Twitter poll (@TheCaraSutra) that many who responded (47%) hadn’t been fisted before and weren’t interested in it as a sexual activity. I wonder how much of the apprehension about being fisted is down to fears of pain or physical damage.

On the other hand/fist, 27% had been fisted and enjoyed it, while 21% had never experienced it but would like to.

In case you’re interested, I have been fisted – but by a partner with very small hands, and I enjoyed it very much! ✊

I hope this article has given you the information and inspiration to try fisting, and that you thoroughly enjoy it when you do.

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*Or maybe even during? No judgement here.