How To Be Dominant Outside the Bedroom: 12 Lifestyle BDSM Tips

How To Be Dominant Outside the Bedroom: 12 Lifestyle BDSM Tips

I recently shared 12 kinky sex tips for becoming more Dom in bed, but what if you and your partner would like a more ‘everyday’ style of Dom and sub relationship? A consensual power exchange which isn’t limited to kinky play sessions in the bedroom, but enhances every part of your life together? In today’s article I will explore lifestyle BDSM from the Dom’s point of view, revealing how to be Dominant outside the bedroom.

Safety First

I believe that BDSM in any form should always be safe, sane and consensual (SSC). This article provides tips on the assumption that you and your partner are in a consensual Dominant and submissive relationship, having discussed and established boundaries, limits and safe words.

Respect goes both ways in BDSM Dom/sub or Owner/slave relationships. A good Dominant regularly checks in with their submissive to ensure ongoing active consent and good psychological as well as physical health. The mental impact of submitting to a partner – in the bedroom or in everyday life – can trigger vulnerabilities and expose sensitive topics and areas, some you may not have known existed before being brought to light by the intensity of D/s.

Keep the lines of communication open, completely honest and free from judgement – and don’t be afraid to stop at any time, for any length of time, to make sure your partner is completely happy to continue, emotionally stable and psychologically safe.

12 Ways to Dominate your Partner in Everyday Life

With the above in mind, let’s move on to how you can be Dominant outside the bedroom, dominating your willing submissive partner in everyday life! Here are 12 ways to establish your Dominance over your sub, making them feel secure and happy in your Domination of them each and every day.

1. Titles & Pet Names

What should your submissive call you? What would you feel comfortable calling them? Honorifics and pet names are a common way to keep the D/s nature of your relationship established at all times.

For example, you may insist on being referred to as Mistress/Master or Ma’am/Sir – whilst calling your subby a new ‘sub’ name of your choice, or simply sub, slave, slut, bitch, puppy, kitten… you get the idea.

2. Symbolic Jewellery

Bestowing symbolic ownership jewellery or a discreet, always-worn collar on your submissive will help cement the D/s bond between you and enhance the feeling of Dominance/being Dominated.

The item of jewellery doesn’t have to be a collar, it could be a special necklace, ring, anklet or even a new piercing to mark the new direction of your relationship. For many people, wearing an obviously BDSM-related item of jewellery at all times just isn’t practical. There are many other discreet ways to wear jewellery with a meaning just for the two of you, and if you do wish to include a collar there are subtle variants available.

I have previously written about BDSM collaring ceremonies, which you may opt for as a beautiful, meaningful, official way to begin your new life together as Dominant and submissive.

3. Sign a Contract

Sometimes it helps to have all the details down in black and white. Many Dominant/submissive couples find it helpful – and arousing – to draw up a BDSM Owner/slave contract. You can find many examples online. The contract could be handwritten or typed up and printed out. In a similar vein to wedding vows, this contract could specify the intentions of both parties, with a part for the Dominant partner’s responsibilities and promises, and another for the submissive partner’s agreed obligations and promise to obey.

The contract could include the boundaries, limits and safe words you should have both already discussed at length before entering into this lifestyle BDSM part of your relationship together.

Obviously, BDSM contracts are not legally binding. Either one of you can change your mind at any time, and communicate with your partner to this effect. Writing up and signing a contract is supposed to be a fun and sexy activity which has the additional bonus of setting out the ground rules for your unique D/s relationship.

4. Establish House Rules

Now’s the time to start exerting your Dominance in the house. Set some house rules that you expect your submissive partner to abide by at all times. You can have some fun with these, such as making sure they always put the toilet seat down, or bring your slippers at a certain time of day, upon pain of punishment if they disobey.

The house rules can be as silly or serious, few or plentiful as you like. Add them to your Dom/sub contract as a separate page, or simply have a discussion and rely upon your memories – it’s all up to you, and what you both feel comfortable with.

5. Permission Required

Make them ask you for permission before going ahead with anything. You’re the Dominant, you can decide if there are certain things they have ongoing permission for, so they’re not coming to you to check about absolutely everything.

For example, you could grant them ongoing permission to use the car, to shop for groceries, to select their own clothes in the morning and to keep clean & healthy. However, for other activities such as day trips, visiting friends/family or undertaking DIY projects in the house, you could insist upon them requesting your permission beforehand.

This short parlance, of them asking your permission to do a certain thing and you granting that permission, will further establish your Dominance over them and ensure that D/s bond is never forgotten.

6. Domestic Service

Get them to do chores around the house. If it’s part of a punishment for disobedience, ensure it’s a job they dislike, such as cleaning pet litter trays or changing the bins or scrubbing the oven. Your submissive can do these household jobs dressed in your choice of attire, which can be as silly, or as sexy as you deem fit.

As they work hard to complete their housework, you might choose to watch as you relax with a beverage nearby, or simply head out while they work – ready for your close inspection upon your return.

7. Personal Services

In addition to housework, you may wish to give your submissive the privilege of serving you in a more personal manner.

Insist upon them being your spa assistant for a few hours, running you a luxurious bath, scrubbing your back, warming your towels. Perhaps you fancy a top to toe massage? You now have your very own masseur/masseuse ready and willing to unknot all your tension. Why dress yourself when you have your very own handservant at your beck and call?

Think about the ways in which your submissive partner could make your life more enjoyable and peaceful, then work those activities into their servitude to you.

8. Sex Slave

Of course, as well as being your personal handservant for domestic duties or personal services, your submissive could be rewarded with sexual slavery from time to time.

Ever dreamed of having them give you oral sex for as long as you wish? Make that dream a reality. Maybe you have some long-held sex fantasies you’ve never broached with them before? Now’s the time for that discussion. Want them to dance and strip provocatively in a private sex show, just for you? Tell them!

9. Control Their Orgasm

A popular and effective way to keep a submissive feeling owned at all times, whether you are present or not, is to control their sexual pleasure. If this idea appeals to you both, you can dabble in orgasm control and chastity play. You can control not only when and how they orgasm, but even if they’re allowed to touch themselves for sexual pleasure at any time.

Chastity is a personal favourite and I’ve written many articles on the subject (mainly from a FemDom/male sub point of view). For example:

• Guide to Locking Up your Cock
• Chastity Devices Guide
• Chastity Cage Keyholding
• Orgasm Denial for Women
• Why I Love Locking Men’s Cocks in Chastity Cages

10. Choose Their Outfits

When you go anywhere together – or even if they have been granted permission for a day out on their own – choose their outfit. All day long they’ll have a visual and tangible reminder of your Domination over them.

Feeling especially kinky? Demand that they wear certain underwear or sexy lingerie that you choose – or perhaps you’d rather they wore no underwear at all, for heightened eroticism, teasing and easy access…

Deciding what they wear is a great way to exert consensual power over your partner and revel in being Dominant outside the bedroom.

11. Sexy Wearables in Public

An intensely arousing way to keep them teased and feeling owned while out in public is with sexy wearables. Get them to wear a butt plug for you all day, whether you’re with them or not. Or take things up a notch with a remote-controlled vibrating anal plug, or vaginal love egg. Try them out in the privacy of your own home though, first, as some remote-control sex toys can be louder than anticipated!

Pictured: The Bondara Snazzy Berry Remote Control Panty Vibe

If orgasm control and chastity is part of your Domination/submission fulfilment, invest in a chastity cage or device for them to wear. These can be locked, preventing the physical effects of arousal, masturbation or orgasm without your express permission. Wearing the key where it’s visible to them all day, such as on a chain around your neck, will further add to their torment and increase their submissive arousal as you fully enjoy being Dominant outside the bedroom.

12. Attend a BDSM Munch

Getting to know and becoming a part of your local D/s community is a great way to clearly define your D/s roles to yourselves and to other, likeminded kinky folk. A social gathering for kinksters is called a munch, and they are often held in vanilla settings like a pub or a park. They don’t have to (and often expressly do not) involve overt demonstrations of BDSM; the aim is to meet up and find new friends with a shared interest.

You might be wondering how to find out when & where your next local BDSM munch is being held. I recommend joining an online BDSM community such as Fetlife. This is a global D/s community with regional groups, where you can easily locate chats and events local to wherever you are in the world.

In Conclusion

It’s important to note that being Dominant to your submissive partner in lifestyle BDSM doesn’t ever mean overpowering them against their will. Your Dominance needs to be actively consensual as well as respectful of your partner’s agency and autonomy. Consent and mutual respect are crucial elements in any power dynamic, whether during kinky play in bed or being Dominant outside the bedroom, in everyday life.

 

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