Vaginismus: How To Ease Vaginal Tightness

Vaginismus: How To Ease Vaginal Tightness

Vaginismus is a condition where the muscles in and around the vagina spasm and painfully tighten during penetration. This tightening is involuntary; the person suffering with vaginismus has no control over it and is unable to make it stop. Read on to find out how to deal with this condition and how to ease vaginal tightness.

Whether the attempted vaginal penetration is for sex, masturbation or even the insertion of a tampon, those suffering from vaginismus want to be able to penetrate the vagina, but the pain caused by the involuntary tightening prevents this from happening. Over time, this painful condition often erodes self-confidence and can negatively affect relationships due to a lack of physical intimacy in a vaginally-penetrative way.

Although vaginismus is a common issue, a lot of people are embarrassed to seek help because of the intimate nature of the problem. However, with the right help and support, you are able to treat vaginismus and move beyond this frustrating and painful condition.

First, let’s take a closer look at common symptoms as well as the possible causes of vaginismus.

Symptoms

• Difficult or impossible penetration
• Burning, stinging or tightness during vaginally penetrative sex
• Ongoing vaginal pain after childbirth
• Avoidance of sex due to pain
• Difficulty inserting vibrators or a tampon

Possible Causes

There are a number of reasons why medical experts think this condition might occur, although sometimes there is no known cause.

Potential factors leading to the development of vaginismus include:

• Anxiety about sex
• Sexual abuse
• Damage to the vagina caused by childbirth
• Relationship problems
• Other painful vaginal conditions such as vulvodynia

It is important to remember that vaginismus is an involuntary condition; it doesn’t mean the sufferer feels zero sexual desire. For those in a relationship, the condition may lead to feelings of frustration or even rejection for both parties. But if you work together and seek help as a couple, overcoming vaginismus is possible.

Treatment

Thankfully, vaginismus is a highly treatable condition which doesn’t require drugs or surgery. Instead, treatment involves pelvic floor control, vaginal dilation training and relevant exercises to help those affected identify and resolve any emotional contributors to the condition. With most treatments conducted at home, vaginismus can be treated in a comfortable and private environment.

Read my Sinclair Select Vaginal Dilators Set review and buy yours here

For more information about overcoming vaginismus, please contact your doctor and ask for help identifying the correct treatment program. Because each individual case is different, you will likely need a program which is specially adapted for your personal needs.

Sex & Sensuality

Common myths about vaginismus are that the condition will ‘go away on its own’, or that the sufferer is somehow ‘frigid’. However, with one of the symptoms being difficulty during sexual penetration, it’s quite clear that there usually is sexual desire and that the condition is completely involuntary.

On the other hand, after a period of time, frustration and embarrassment does diminish sexual desire and will leave a couple avoiding sexual contact. If left untreated, vaginismus can place heavy strain on a relationship and this is largely down to lack of physical intimacy in that way, plus feelings of rejection.

Whilst seeking treatment for vaginismus, there are non-penetrative activities that couples can enjoy in the bedroom. By finding alternative ways to pleasure each other, not only are you working towards overcoming vaginismus, you will be strengthening your relationship by discovering & enjoying these different forms of intimacy.

Non-Penetrative Sexual Activities

• Phone sex – you don’t even need to be in the same room in order to turn each other on by confessing fantasies and secret desires.
• Erotic massage.
• Frottage – a bit of bump ‘n grind… use your body to stimulate your partner.
• Tantric sex – the art of tantra brings many people to orgasm without bodies even needing to touch each other.
• Masturbate while together, or masturbate each other. Use your hands and fingers (lube can add comfortable, sensual glide – read my big guide to lubes) to directly stimulate the clitoris, penis or whichever intimate regions you choose.
• Nipple stimulation – some people find they’re able to orgasm via nipple stim alone. Use hands, mouth and even sex toys, and have fun finding out if you’re one of the lucky ones.
• Oral sex – does this really need explaining? Ok, well here’s how I give him a blow job, and you might enjoy reading about my lesbian oral sex adventures too.
• Use non-penetrative sex toys – vaginismus is frustrating, but there are ways to reach climax without vaginal penetration. The clitoris is a tightly-packed bundle of nerve-endings which can be stimulated by external sex toys such as bullet vibrators and magic wand vibrators. More on this in the next section.

Be imaginative, but try to be patient at the same time. Finding ways to keep the spark between you alive whilst overcoming vaginismus might make you realise the true strength of your relationship. Remember to communicate, think positively and work together.

External Stimulation Sex Toys

Whether you’re in a relationship or single, vaginismus can be puzzling as well as extremely distressing. After all, you’re still experiencing sexual desire, but the involuntary tightening of your vagina means that insertion of a penis or vibrator is painful, difficult… perhaps completely impossible. However, for those suffering from vaginismus it is still possible to masturbate using non-penetrative sex toys. We will come to my top recommendations for these in a little while.

As your treatment plan progresses, using a penetrative vibrator which is super slim can help the body relax and aid the recovery of vaginismus. For couples, putting a vibrator between your bodies when grinding against each other is a great way to orgasm, without actual intercourse.

For heterosexual couples, you may find that introducing a penis stroker to intimate sessions can help ease their sexual frustration and keep intimacy and desire alive between you while your treatment progresses. There are so many penis masturbators to choose from, and with each offering an incredible range of textures and functions, overcoming vaginismus doesn’t have to spell the end of your sex life.

Top Toy Recommendations

Bullet Vibrators

My favourites are the Ann Summers Moregasm+ Bullet, the Loving Joy Power Bullet and the Tracey Cox Supersex Bullet Vibe.

Get the lowdown & links to buy in my big guide to bullet vibrators.

Clitoral Stimulators

I absolutely love my Zumio clit vibe -and a recent favourite is the Love Not War Meile Vibrator.

Wand Vibrators

Doxy Wands are renowned for orgasmic power, while the We-Vibe Wand and Lovehoney Desire Wand are also absolutely fantastic (in my regular experience!).

Slimline Vibrators

Try the Power Play Slimline G-Spot Vibrator, the SVAKOM Cici Slim Flexible Vibrator or the Loving Joy Versa Flexible Vibrator. These slender vibes will help reintroduce penetrative toys to the vagina (with the aid of good quality lubricant) and you can enjoy them externally in the meantime, too.

Penis Masturbators

If you’d like to watch them masturbate during an intimate session together, or give them a hand job they won’t soon forget, penis masturbators are where it’s at. Fleshlight and TENGA are the trusted, go-to brands – while Hot Octopuss are long-time personal faves. This wonderfully inclusive company design and manufacture effective, hands-free, fully accessible sex toys that everyone can enjoy.

Anal Sex Toys

With help from a splash of lube, you might like to explore a new type of pleasure: using anal sex toys. You might be on the cusp of discovering a new favourite way to self-stimulate! Top tips: start small and go slow. Don’t use desensitising gels, you need to be able to feel when to go slower or even stop.

Pictured are a few of our favourites: the Hot Octopuss Plex with Flex, Loving Joy Precious Metals Gem-Base plug, John Thomas Toys Sergeant Major plug (small) and the Lovehoney Ignite Rechargeable Vibrating Butt Plug.

When it comes to choosing the right sex toys for you – and any sexual exploration, come to that – think about your specific needs and compare them to the features offered by the sex toy that’s caught your eye. Many non-penetrative vibrators are designed to stimulate the clitoris, which is how it brings the user to orgasm. However, for those hoping to incorporate their partner in non-penetrative sexual exploration, using remote-control sex toys is a great way to get them involved.

Stimulating your partner with a penis masturbator is a great way to simulate a penetrative sex experience and retain erotic intimacy without actually having PiV (penis-in-vagina) intercourse. Take turns to pleasure each other and explore a whole host of new sexual horizons.

Have you heard of the Rocks Off Ruby Glow? This hands-free sex toy is a non-penetrative, sit-on vibrator and would be fantastic for someone putting on an erotic peep show for their partner. Or why not enjoy it all by yourself? With no penetration to worry about, this is a great sex toy for someone working through the penetrative issues posed by vaginismus.

Getting The Right Help

With millions of people around the world suffering from vaginismus, please never fear that you’re alone. If you think you may have this condition, contact your GP for a proper diagnosis and to discuss your treatment options going forwards.

For more information about overcoming Vaginismus and a step by step treatment plan, take a look at Stop Painful Sex: Healing from Vaginismus – A Step-by-Step Guide, by Maree Stachel-Williamson.

 

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