BDSM Advice

My BDSM advice articles are here to give you the low down on everything kink-related. The world of bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism is enormous. There are just so many kinks, fetishes, interests and D/s orientations of the consenting adults involved. BDSM newbies tend to have their curiosity piqued by something that arouses their kinky interest in the media, such as a bondage scene in an erotic book or movie, or bondage sex toys advertised on TV. Perhaps you’re in a relationship with someone who is already ‘into’ BDSM and you’d like to try it too, or maybe it’s a new interest both of you have decided you’re ready to explore. My beginners to bondage features are very popular, and I’ve written plenty about spanking and general BDSM safety advice too. From time to time I get specific questions from readers whether they’re BDSM beginners or veteran kinksters. I answer these honestly and as thoroughly as I can based on my own experiences and research, within various BDSM advice features. As I’m trying to provide a comprehensive guide to BDSM here on the Cara Sutra sex blog, I will often tackle a specific kink or fetish in its own dedicated post, such as forced orgasms, watersports & piss play, and the adult baby fetish. If there is an area of BDSM that I haven’t covered here, or if you have a specific kink-related question you’d like answered in full here on the blog (can be anonymous), then please get in touch and I’ll do my best to help. I hope you enjoy reading all my BDSM advice posts.

Ruined Orgasms: How To Ruin An Orgasm (& Why You’d Want To)

While orgasms are not the goal of sex with a partner, they’re often a highlight. Then there are all the orgasms enjoyed by people during solo pleasure sessions – masturbation. Why then, do some people pursue and enjoy a ruined orgasm? What are ruined orgasms? How do you ruin an orgasm, and why on earth would you want to?

Why I Love Locking Men’s Cocks In Chastity Cages

As the locked chastity continues, I enjoy every renewed realisation that they’re unable to have an erection or an orgasm. Of course, being a cruel and evil Bitch, I heighten the sub/slave’s torment with frequent teasing, whether by words, images or demanding that they perform in various perverted ways for me in person.

What Is A Violet Wand? History of Violet Wands & Kinky Uses

Violet wands are commonly used stimulation tools in the realm of BDSM & Electrosex. They provide a uniquely thrilling experience for those exploring kinky pleasure and consensual power exchange. Read on as I delve into the history of violet wands, explain what they are & how they work, and reveal their kinky uses.

Virgos and Chastes: The OTHER Style of Male Chastity

What if I told you that male chastity didn’t have to be extra work? That it’s often OK to treat a male chastity cage as a nice body modification and move on? That you can use it to get exactly what you want, and nothing you don’t?

What Is A Female Led Relationship Really Like? The Reality Of Lifestyle FemDom Relationships...

I'm typing this wearing a penis chastity device and I don't get an orgasm until Monday. We haven’t had penetrative sex for a couple of years, but I do get regular beatings depending on how many demerits I’ve clocked up. Oh… and Xena once made me go for 152 days without an orgasm.

Real-Life Slave Diary: Locked In A Chastity Cage

Are you curious about how it feels to be locked in a chastity cage but you’re too scared or unable to slide the lock home on a device of your own? Perhaps you are locked, teased, but denied in a locked chastity device and want to hear others’ similar experiences for companionship or further torment? These diary entries from my locked-up chastity slave are for you.

BDSM Identities Guide: Are You Dominant, Submissive or Switch?

What are your thoughts on labels? Understandably, many people don’t like to be strictly categorised in this way. We’re all individuals; unique. However, labels do have their place in society as they’re a handy way to quickly describe yourself. The same is true when it comes to the D/s scene.

BDSM Collars: Symbolism & Collaring Ceremonies

BDSM collars are an extremely important visual symbol of submission and ownership. Although bondage collars are also worn simply as a kinky accessory in a play scene, there are plenty of kinksters for whom wearing a BDSM collar signifies a deeper commitment between Dom and sub, Owner and slave, Top and bottom. Some may even take part in collaring ceremonies, a celebratory event which publicly or privately marks the commitment between Dom and sub in a similar way to the vanilla wedding rituals of marriage.

YKINMK: Your Kink Is Not My Kink

There should be no shame or judgement when it comes to safe sexual & kinky activities alone or between consenting adults. However, YKINMK regularly proves itself a relevant and important philosophy.

Turned On By Sniffing Dirty Panties? The Worn Knickers Kink

The scent of a warm, fresh, eagerly aroused pussy is intrinsically sexy. It’s therefore no great surprise that this scent, which can linger on worn underwear, is always in great demand. If you are turned on by sniffing dirty panties, rest assured that you’re not alone. The worn knickers kink is quite common, and I have some personal experience with it too.

What Does BDSM Stand For?

BDSM is an acronym, so each initial stands for a different word. Appropriately, it’s an unusual one: there are three sets of two couplets within this acronym.

BDSM Gear Guide

I've written several 'sexy product' guides here at the Cara Sutra sex blog, advice guides for sex toys, lubes, and specific kinky sex accessories too. Today I'd like to present my big guide to BDSM toys / BDSM gear, where I will help you navigate the enormous and diverse world of kinky toys and tools used to enhance power exchange sessions.

Foot Fetish: When You’re Turned On By Feet

What do you know about foot fetishism? Maybe you've heard rumours of people who fetishize feet, or perhaps you have a foot fetish yourself. Or the concept of having a fetish for feet might be something new to you entirely! In today's BDSM guide, foot fetish 101, I'd like to explore both what this fetish is all about and gain some understanding into the reasons behind foot fetishism.

Complete List of BDSM Fetishes & Kinks (The Periodic Table of Kink)

For those who would like a handy list of BDSM fetishes and kinks, I believe I've found a fantastic resource. The UberKinky Periodic Table of Kink provides an easy to understand, visual representation of the majority of the recognised BDSM activities.

What Are SSC And RACK?

BDSM kinksters have hugely varied kinky interests, fetishes, and types of power exchange relationships. It's unsurprising, then, that there are also various schools of thought and approaches to how the consensual power exchange in D/s relationships is enjoyed. Two of the biggest consensual play templates in BDSM are SSC and RACK. What do these acronyms stand for, what are the main differences, and which one do you feel most comfortable with?

Safe Words And Traffic Lights: How To Say Stop In BDSM

During your explorations of the BDSM world, you may have come across the terms safewords and traffic lights. What are BDSM safe words, and what do traffic lights have to do with the exciting world of power exchange, kink and fetish?  

Female Chastity: Can Women Enjoy Orgasm Denial?

The chastity fetish is a BDSM topic very close to my Mistress heart. I've written plenty about male chastity over the years, as well as a guide to chastity devices and several chastity cage reviews. What about women? Does female chastity exist? And how can women enjoy orgasm denial?

International Male Chastity Day Info Hub

As a proud kinkster and huge fan of the chastity fetish in particular, it gives me great pleasure to share details of an official annual celebration of this highly erotic kink. International Male Chastity Day (also known as International Chastity Day) is celebrated on the 15th February* each year.

Bondage Toys Guide

What can you use to restrain someone (or enjoy being restrained) in bondage? That's where bondage sex toys and bondage accessories come into their own. It helps having some background knowledge of just what's available in terms of bondage equipment, and why it's important to use items specifically designed for bondage rather than any old belt, strap or rope...

Spanking Implements Guide

Spanking is an erotic act between consenting kinksters and lovers. Do you prefer yours OTK (over the knee), strapped face-down to a bench, during sex or in some other fashion? Does the mere thought of a raised Dominant hand, or a spanking toy whistling through the air, stir the tendrils of arousal?