How To Enjoy Pain Free Anal Sex & Ditch the Anal Desensitiser
BUTT SEX. That phrase probably conjures up plenty of images, thoughts and sensations. What are your thoughts on, and experiences of, anal sex? The most common concern surrounding using anal sex toys & other anal sexual play is relieving discomfort due to this area’s renowned tightness and sensitivity. In this guide I will reveal how you can enjoy pain free anal sex -and why it’s relevant and important to ditch the anal desensitiser.
Why Is Anal Sex Painful?
First of all, let’s investigate the source of the usual discomfort and even pain associated with using anal sex toys and having anal sex.
What makes anal sex so painful for many? The anal entrance, the anus, consists of an incredibly strong and therefore tight muscle called a sphincter. It’s a good job too, otherwise daily life would be a whole lot messier for humankind. This does mean, however, that introducing an object into the body via this entrance takes plenty of practice and should be done slowly to avoid pain and potential damage.
It’s also important to remember that the skin or tissue of the anus and the anal canal inside the body is much thinner and far more sensitive than the skin on the outside of the rest of our bodies, the outer epidermis. In stark contrast, the sensitive, thin tissue of the anal canal is highly prone to tears and can cause pain if you are too vigorous inserting objects, if you don’t lubricate the journey or if you’re simply too fast, too furious.
What Makes Anal Feel So Good?
With these potential obstacles and hazards involved in anal play and anal sex toy use, what makes anyone want to do it? How and why does anal sex feel so good to those experienced in the back door arts?
Our Anatomy
The anal tightness and sensitivity which require lubrication, time and practice to conquer, are the exact features which magnify the erotic sensations experienced during anal sex and while using butt plugs and other anal toys.
The Taboo Aspect
In addition, people often have a sense of taboo when engaging in anal play. We spend our lives from birth viewing the anus as ‘exit only’, with the waste product which leaves all our bodies also seen as a taboo issue. We can see this in the ongoing discussion surrounding the scat fetish (coprophilia).
The physical sensations which arise from penetrating such a tight and sensitive area, layered with the psychological impact of experiencing sexual pleasure in ‘forbidden’ territory, often results in intensely arousing stimulation and incredibly powerful orgasms.
Prostate Stimulation
People with a penis have their G-spot located inside the anal canal – often named the P-spot, as it is the prostate gland. Prostate stimulation leads to extraordinary sexual sensations and full-body orgasms, which often doesn’t require any penis stimulation in order to achieve said climax.
‘Milking’ is the phrase used to describe emptying the erotic build-up of cum via prostate massage, where fingers or a prostate massager is used to stimulate the P-spot until the cum exits the penis, without an erection or traditional ejaculation being necessary.
You can find out more about prostate massage and related sexual/kinky potential in this fantastic guide to prostate massage.
Anal Desensitiser – And Why You Shouldn’t Use It
If you’re new to anal sex, cautious about or fed up with related discomfort and pain, it makes sense to explore pain-easing products. Previously (and currently, in some sex shops) anal desensitiser is sold as a product which promises to ease or even completely remove the pain associated with anal sex. These products typically contain topical anaesthetic ingredients such as lidocaine or benzocaine. It seems logical to buy one of these anal numbing products if you’re experiencing discomfort during your anal adventures. I’m here to tell you not to.
Yes, you read that correctly: please do not buy or use anal desensitiser.
Why not?
Anal desensitiser removes your ability to feel sensation in your anus and through the thin, sensitive tissue lining of your anal canal. While this may seem like a fantastic idea at first glance, think about what that really means for your body.
If you go too quickly, act too vigorously during sex or while using anal toys – which is more likely to happen during times of high sexual arousal, particularly if you’re struggling to feel *anything* in the relevant area – you can easily damage yourself.
You may not even realise that any damage has been done until the desensitiser wears off, and you could find yourself in a whole world of pain at that point, and a whole world of medical trouble. Worth it? Not in the slightest. Avoidable? Absolutely.
How To Achieve Painless, Pleasurable Anal Sex
The best way to ease any discomfort or pain during anal sex is by using lube. A great-quality lubricant will ease proceedings as the area is penetrated with penis, fingers or anal toys, while still allowing you to feel the full sensations at play. You will be able to fully enjoy the pain free anal sex experience while safe in the knowledge that whenever things get too tight or too sensitive you can slow down or even stop – avoiding causing any damage.
As well as using a good quality anal lubricant, don’t rush things. Take your time. Also, be aware that things in your butt feel bigger than they looked in your hand! It’s easy to over-estimate what you’ll be able to ‘take’, in pursuit of that mind-blowing anal sex experience. I’ve seen even seasoned sex toy reviewers do this; accept a product for review, where the measurements were given, then they were disappointed that they couldn’t insert the item in the end.
Start small and only move on to something larger if and when you’re comfortable and ready, while being aware that you may not naturally progress on to larger anal toys – some people have a natural max capacity and that’s completely normal and ok. Try not to feel disappointed if you can never manage that huge anal dildo of your dreams. It’s just not meant to be. Fully enjoy the anal sex and anal toys that you can take, without damaging yourself.
Anal Lube: Worth It or Marketing Gimmick?
I briefly mentioned anal lubricant above; let’s discuss it in more depth. Why does anal lube exist? Is it a marketing ploy or is it genuinely better for anal play than other types of lubricant on the market?
Anal lube is thicker, more viscous and therefore provides more cushioning for this hazard-prone type of sexual stimulation than your standard water-based lube. It maximises your chances of pain free anal sex. Silicone lubricant is extremely slippery and doesn’t evaporate through heat or friction, but it’s typically thin, pours quickly plus it can stain bedsheets.
Many anal lubricants are creamy or semi-opaque in colour, while being thicker in consistency, so you can see exactly where you’re applying it and it will stay put while you position your partner or an anal toy and slowly insert and enjoy.
Find out more about anal lubricants and my top recommendations in my anal sex lubes guide.
Best Anal Sex Prep Tips
As well as using a great quality anal lube, it’s a great idea to fully prepare for anal sex or for using anal toys. One of the best anal play preparation tips is anal douching. Using an anal douche, before inserting anything into the area for sexual stimulation, will ensure the anal canal is emptied of bodily waste and therefore you won’t have that blockage to contend with during your anal sex or self-stimulation session. Anal douching will lessen the chances of poo-related embarrassment during anal sex, and you will also be thankful when you’re cleaning your anal sex toys after playtime.
Further Reading
Curious about the best anal sex toys for beginners? Perhaps you’re on a quest to find the most powerful anal vibrator – or the best prostate massager for explosive P-spot orgasms? Check out my related guides for my top tips and product recommendations:
- Anal Sex Toys Guide
- Best Small Butt Plugs for Tiny Bums
- Prostate Massage Guide
- Will Using Anal Sex Toys Make Me Gay?
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