Last Updated on 4 June, 2026 by Cara Sutra

If you’re reading this topic hub, chances are you’re either curious about masturbation or count yourself an expert in self-pleasure. There’s still a lot of taboo and plenty of stigma surrounding masturbation, with historical gender bias showing in attitudes which are still prevalent today. The common belief that masturbating is a sordid act which should be a source of shame has led to rampant growth in myths and misinformation relating to the subject. I have been writing about my own self-pleasure, as a sex blogger, as well as building an educational resource about masturbation, for over seventeen years. In this comprehensive topic hub I have gathered together all my sex education articles and opinion pieces about masturbation so you can easily find the answers you’re looking for.

My masturbation articles sensually slide in and out, around and over various aspects of self-pleasure. I share my shame-free and sex positive opinions on techniques, which sex toys and lube to use, new ways of masturbating to help you find a new way to play, or simply to break the monotony. There are easy to understand answers to common questions and worries, delivered in my tongue-in-cheek, friendly and conspiratorial style. I don’t talk about masturbation from a detached place as a ‘sex advisor’ or ‘sexpert’, but rather as someone who loved and still loves masturbation so much, that I made an entire career out of talking about it. No-one needs to feel afraid that they’ll feel weird or othered here, I’m right there by your side, wanking vigorously and encouraging you to follow suit. Metaphorically, I mean.

Doxy wand vibrator resting on Cara Sutra's stomach in black and white, illustrating self-pleasure and masturbation

Explore my topic hubs

My topic hubs are content guides, collating my published articles relating to sexual pleasure, kink, psychology, and relationships. Below you can find the topic hubs already published, and a sneak peek at those coming soon.

Let’s get started, and talk about what masturbation is, and what it isn’t.

Masturbation is often our first and longest relationship

Many of us explore masturbating ourselves to experience pleasure, and discover how we reach orgasm, in our teen years. The hormonal rollercoaster of puberty often leads to an intense interest in sex, the development of kinks for those predisposed, and experimenting to find our most effective arousal techniques and stimuli. The relationship with our erotic desire and response is often our first relationship which involves these adult sensations, starting before partnered sex, making it our longest relationship, too. It makes sense to check in on this relationship regularly, to see if your masturbation could benefit from any adjustments, or simply as a form of self-pleasure MOT.

Take a moment to think about the role of masturbation in your life. It’s there no matter what. It doesn’t judge. No matter what your relationship status, or how your relationship is going, no matter what your health, sex drive, career, family life or other complications life throws at you, self-pleasure is there. Quietly waiting for you. Available whenever you are. Yet a lot of sex education relegates masturbation to something done simply to let off steam, or as a prelude to the ‘main event’ – partnered sex – rather than something special and worthy in its own right.

I say, let’s rip up the script. Masturbation is where you learn about what your body actually likes, and where you can enjoy no holds barred erotic pleasure that requires nobody’s permission or approval. Give it the guilt-free respect it deserves, instead of buying into the lie that self-pleasure is a dirty little secret that everyone enjoys but no-one admits to doing.

Can you masturbate too much? Can you get addicted to wanking?

I don’t want to give you a definitive no, you can’t masturbate too much answer here, because there’s always an exception to the rule. If you’re wanking so frequently or for such long periods that it’s negatively affecting your relationship, your job, your social life, or your health (for example, excessive masturbation that causes skin discomfort or damage), then I have to say it: you’re masturbating too much. Besides this unlikely scenario, no, you’re not wanking too much.

Some people wank twice a day, others once every few months, and some people rarely do it at all. Any of these and anything in between is within normal human frequency of masturbation. We’re all different, our sex drives vary, as do our opportunities to masturbate, our stress levels, life distractions, obligations and responsibilities, and so forth.

If you’ve read somewhere that you should only masturbate X times a week, please toss that thought into the trash where it belongs. There’s no magic ‘normal’ number, and anyone who says otherwise is talking out of their sadly unplugged rear end.

What’s more important to pay attention to is why you’re masturbating, no matter how often that may be. Are you using masturbation as an avoidance technique, to distract you away from deep-seated psychological issues? Between self-pleasure sessions, are you constantly thinking about the next time you’ll be able to masturbate? Are your thoughts consumed with the need to jack off by yourself, or are you constantly chasing a higher high, such as by seeking out more extreme pornography every time? Do you turn down or shy away from intimate time with your partner, whether sexual or just spending time together, because you’d rather masturbate alone? These can be helpful signs alerting you to issues that require your attention.

Can you become addicted to masturbation? The cultural panic around the subject isn’t grounded in any scientific evidence. Yes, there is such a thing as compulsive sexual behaviour, but it’s relatively rare, and enjoying frequent solo sex isn’t in that clinical category. It’s like the question of being an egomaniac: if you’re worried about it, it’s a good sign that you’re not.

When your usual method stops working

Some of us have been masturbating for a long time. Decades, even. You might notice that the way you enjoy self-pleasure, and masturbating to orgasm, isn’t landing with quite the glorious spectacle that it used to. Perhaps it’s taking you longer to spot the exit marked “CLIMAX”. Or even to get aroused at all. Maybe that tried and tested fantasy just isn’t doing it for you anymore. Physical sensation might feel numbed or blocked.

These commonly experienced problems are rarely discussed because we assume we’re doing it wrong, or we’ve broken ourselves somehow. The self-blame causes heavy guilt which, of course, only serves to exacerbate all these issues on your solo sex life.

As with so many things in life, the way forward is through making sure you’re educated about the facts, and accepting often difficult to swallow truths about ourselves. It’s natural that throughout our lives, we’ll change. Not just in our appearance and physical capacity as our bodies age, but also psychologically and emotionally. The life events we experience have profound impact on us. Our hormones can be turbulent in different phases of our lives. Your sleep health, relationship and work stresses, bereavements, medication, all this and more can affect your route to, and your ability to experience, arousal. What worked 12 months ago might not work today. A lot can happen in a year. A lot can happen in a day.

I can’t give you a universal magic solution; low libido and wide variations in the self-pleasure experience are things I struggle with myself. What I find helps is patience. Just let it ‘not work properly’ for a while. Chances are, with enough time and space, your arousal and the effectiveness of your masturbation technique will come back. Rushing things is a sure route to disappointment.

When you’re ready to try again, experiment with new ways. What always worked, may not always work. That’s fine and normal. You can try different positions, time of day, slower build up, different fantasies or porn inspiration… Make sure you get as relaxed and comfortable as possible, with enough privacy, time and space to give you the best chance of success.

If you are used to masturbating using vibrating sex toys, but just lately they’re not doing it for you anymore, you might be worried you’ve become desensitised. Vibrator desensitisation is misunderstood, and the idea you can become totally and permanently desensitised to vibrators is a myth. Vibrating sex toys don’t harm your body’s nerve endings, neither do they permanently reduce your sensitivity to stimulation. They can’t ‘wear out’ parts of your body. There may be temporary numbness after sustained vibration to one area. You can find out much more about this topic in my related article, Do Vibrators Desensitise You?

The role of masturbation when you’re in a relationship

Many of the most persistent myths about masturbation are about the impact of solo sex on a relationship. Some people still believe that masturbation whilst you’re in a relationship damages or ruins your shared sex life. That you “shouldn’t need to masturbate” if you’re in a healthy relationship and have a good sex life. I’ve even heard that some people believe masturbation is akin to cheating, or incredibly insulting to the other partner at the very least. It isn’t surprising that masturbation has so much guilt, shame and stigma associated with it in the light of all this.

But solo sex and partnered sex aren’t rivals. You don’t have to choose between them, only committing to one. They’re entirely different beasts, fulfilling different roles in someone’s sex life.

I have evidence of this in my own life. Having struggled with low libido for a while, due to perimenopause and chronic illness, I’ve been surprised by my ongoing ability to orgasm via masturbation. As a professional sex toy tester, it would have been a nightmare to lose it! But also from a personal perspective, having the physical release, and pleasure, of orgasm via solo sex is wonderful. Masturbation doesn’t care what mood I’m in, I don’t have to be polite or worry about someone else’s perceptions or feelings, and it doesn’t judge. There’s no self-consciousness, which tends to creep into partnered sex, especially as I age and try to battle agism and weight loss culture in a stubbornly patriarchal society.

I’m not saying here that I don’t enjoy sex with my husband. At times it just feels a little more difficult, as there are two individuals to be aware of, two psychological and physical presences to navigate, the desire for him to be aroused and fulfilled and pleasured by me, which can at times threaten to overwhelm my own enjoyment if I don’t hold those worries on a tight leash. Partnered sex provides intimate connection with my husband, allows me space to be vulnerable, and seen, enjoyed and satisfied by someone other than myself. It’s one of many sturdy ballasts in our long-term relationship. But not the sole foundation.

Partnered sex for us is very much about indulging each other’s desires, and indulging in each other’s desires, whereas my masturbation is about mental and physical release for me alone, with no other consciousness to consider. It’s also the space where I learn more about what I actually enjoy about my body, from an erotic pleasure point of view; and what my imagination enjoys, the fantasies and kinks that turn me on. I can focus on all of this without distraction or tending to someone else at the same time. It’s my time, for me alone, and it’s precious. Plus, learning all this about myself means I can, in the right intimate moments, communicate these things to my husband, to better our shared sex life.

Masturbation is therefore a vital and non-negotiable part of my life. How important is it in yours? Do you feel fulfilled in your solo sex life, or guilty and ashamed of indulging in self-pleasure? These questions are worth serious consideration. And if you and your partner have different views on masturbation within a relationship, I’d advise you to have an honest chat about it rather than one of you suppressing your very natural adult desires simply to keep the peace.

I’ve tested thousands of sex toys, but I only actually need five

I have enjoyed seventeen orgasmic years testing literally thousands of sex toys. One by one I mean, not all at once. I don’t have that many places to put them all, sadly. Anatomically or in the house. I’m a professional sex toy tester so understandably I’ve accumulated loads. But that doesn’t mean you need to go buy a pallet-load of various devices in order to stay satisfied. In fact, when I think about it, I could do away with the vast majority of toys I own, as long as I could keep just five:

A Doxy wand vibrator, a powerful but quiet bullet vibrator (this one’s my favourite), a Womanizer clit suction toy, a G-spot vaginal dildo, and a small size butt plug.

Everything else is variety, novelty, or surplus to requirements.

Having tested so many sex toys has definitely enabled me to know exactly what my body responds to and loves, in terms of stimulation type, parts of the anatomy I prefer to pleasure, as well as what definitely doesn’t work for me. My many sex toy reviews can tell you about my personal experiences with a product, but masturbation and self-pleasure are such intimately unique experiences that they won’t tell you how effective any one sex toy will be for you.

If you’re new to sex toys, I advise getting yourself a small selection of mid-price, reliable toys. Don’t simply go for the cheapest and hope for the best. Although you can stumble on surprising winners that way, more often you’ll be left with a sex toy made of suspect or outright toxic materials, or which can pose real physical dangers to your body due to shoddy manufacturing. I recall a scary time when the power pack of one of my review toys blew up during charging, because of bad manufacturing. Buy from reputable retailers, and known brands which have accessible and transparent customer service avenues.

Once you’ve educated yourself on sex toy materials, which ones to go for (silicone, stainless steel, borosilicate glass) and which to avoid (jelly, PVC, anything porous), you can start putting together a little kit based on what you know from your masturbation sessions in the past. Ask yourself questions like:

Enjoy experimenting and learning more about the sort of pleasure your body responds to. Toys are tools which make certain sensations easier to achieve and sustain than hands can manage alone. I always say that sex toys are the seasoning to your sex life, and I stand by it.

Using lube doesn’t mean you’re broken or lacking

Another annoyingly persistent myth is that using lube in masturbation or sex is a sign or admission of failure. It isn’t. It’s just another tool.

I’ve written about this in depth in Using Lube Doesn’t Mean You’re Broken, but I’ll summarise my thoughts for you below.

Don’t feel ashamed about needing to use lube, and don’t only reach for the lube when you feel you need it. Use lube because it feels glorious, the glide adds to the sensation and eroticism, and because it’s good for your body and overall sexual wellbeing.

Educate yourself about the many different types of lube… yes, there’s more than one type! Check out my comprehensive guide to sex lubes, which links to my various guides to all the different types. Using the right lube for the sexual activity and sex toy is crucial.

Water-based lube is your safest bet across the board. It’s compatible with everything, toys and play type, washes off easily afterward, doesn’t pose any risks to your sex toys and doesn’t stain sheets or clothing.

If using silicone lube with silicone toys, I recommend a patch test on the base. Silicone lubes are fine to use with pure silicone toys made with high quality silicone, but can damage toys which are a blend incorporating other materials or chemicals.

Oil-based lubes feel sensational but will damage latex condoms.

Anal lubes exist, for good reason. Firstly, you should always use lube for any anal activity, whether sex or using anal toys like butt plugs and prostate massagers. Secondly, anal lube is specially formulated to be thicker and therefore tends to stay where you apply it, plus it feels more cushiony during rear entrance fun. An additional note here to avoid using anal desensitisers; you need to be able to feel absolutely everything going on so that you can stop as soon as you need to.

My top masturbation tips

Using motorised or vibrating sex toys? Make sure they’re adequately charged before you start. After suffering many disappointing power failures mid-wank in my time, I cannot stress this enough.

Ensure you are in a private space which is ideally clutter-free and you have enough time to feel relaxed.

Keep the lube within reach. I like to have a large bottle of pump-dispenser top water-based lube which can sit on a nearby flat surface and can be easily dispensed with one hand during play.

Have somewhere comfortable to lie down. If you’re standing, squatting or kneeling, make sure you have something sturdy to hold on to nearby in case you need it.

Plan how you’ll clean up afterwards. Having an old towel beneath you, and some tissues or wipes nearby will avoid unnecessary mess.

Clean your sex toys properly after use. I know it’s tempting to chuck them on the floor or kick them under the bed once you’re through the seeing stars phase post-orgasm, but please make time to clean them thoroughly. I’ve written a thorough guide to cleaning your toys properly which gives you a step-by-step guide to proper cleaning for all toy types.

Once the toys are clean and dry, make sure you store your toys properly too so they stay in great condition and last you through many years of pleasure. You can find out how I store my toys in my sex toy storage guide.

Other ways to masturbate

If you’ve been masturbating the same way for many years, maybe even since you discovered self-pleasure as a teen, you might fancy changing it up a bit. Or maybe you’re just curious about other ways to play. I’m happy to lend a hand.

Edging is where you bring yourself really close to orgasm, but then stop the stimulation, let it fade a little, before bringing yourself back to the very edge again. And repeat. The intensity and sensation build is incredible, with full body and mind focus on the extended waves of pleasure without actually letting yourself climax. When you do eventually orgasm, the release feels spectacular.

Gooning is similar to edging, except that the focus is more on the mental state that can be achieved while masturbating for long periods of time without an orgasm. Gooners enjoy the trance-like state they can achieve with sustained high arousal without climax, whether the masturbation is through physical self-pleasure or touch-free stimulation such as enjoying porn or erotic literature through lengthy sessions.

Curious about if you can orgasm without touching yourself? For some people, it’s possible with enough practice. Those lucky enough to achieve touchless orgasms use a combination of highly evocative fantasy, breath and body awareness.

There are also multiple orgasms, orgasm denial, ruined orgasms, sensory play, mindful or tantric self-pleasure, solo BDSM such as self-bondage or enjoying chastity without a keyholder, and discreetly filthy stimulation with a remote toy in public, whether you play by yourself or you’re brave enough to hand control to your partner.

A reminder that you don’t have to do or enjoy any of these to ‘do masturbation properly’. Whatever way feels right for you is right. These other ways to play are just there if you ever feel like exploring something different.

Discover the articles

Masturbation is a big subject with a lot of overlapping themes. The articles below are grouped to help you find what you’re looking for, whether that’s personal reflection, a deep dive into edging or gooning, a guide to a specific type of toy or lube, or an opinion piece on libido, shame and desire.

Personal experience and reflection

Diary entries, opinion pieces and masturbation erotica written from my own perspective:

Techniques and new ways to play

Articles covering edging, gooning, touch-free orgasms and other ways to break out of your usual solo sex routine:

Vibrators for solo play

Guides to the main types of vibrator I recommend for self-pleasure, from wands and bullets to remote-controlled and discreet options:

Strokers, prostate toys and anal play

Guides to penis masturbators, prostate massagers, butt plugs and other toys for rear-entry and male solo pleasure:

Buying, choosing and personal favourites

What to look for in materials and quality, my own bedside drawer favourites, plus advice on budget, travel and nipple play:

Lube guides

The main types of lube, when to use each, and why needing it isn’t a sign anything’s wrong with you:

Sex toy care, cleaning and safety

Cleaning, storage, materials safety and what really happens when you leave a silicone toy in silicone lube for three months:

Desire, shame and libido

The emotional and cultural side of solo sex, from low libido to societal shame and how to reignite desire:

In conclusion

Whether you arrived here as a curious beginner, a decades-long devotee, or someone worried because you read elsewhere that wanking three times a week means you’re unhealthy or an addict (you are not), I hope this masturbation topic hub has been reassuring and informative.

Masturbation has been a faithful companion through puberty, marriage, illness, bereavement, perimenopause, and an entire career extolling its virtues. It has never judged me, never treated me badly, never asked me what I’m thinking. I’ll defend its honour to anyone who’ll listen.

Enjoy exploring my articles on masturbation and self-pleasure above. Some will be exactly what you need today. Others you can file away for a rainy afternoon and a locked door. There’s no right order, no rules, and no exam to pass. Just your own pleasure, on your own terms, in the exact way you fancy it.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some important research to attend to. 😏

Cara Sutra Signature

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