Sharing sex toys is commonplace; for example, my husband and I do it all the time. I’ll use something on him, then he’ll use it on me. As well as couples passing toys between each other during foreplay and sex, sharing kink equipment in the BDSM scene happens frequently too. Today I’m answering the question lurking behind this common practice: Is it OK to share sex toys? Yes, it can be. You need to handle hygiene, consent and materials properly.
Sharing sexual pleasure through sharing the stimulation delivered by sex toys can be exciting, intimate and bonding, but only when everyone involved is kept safe and informed. Before you share anything, it helps to understand the risks.
Why Sharing Toys Carries Risk
When sharing sex toys, it’s important to understand that anything which has touched genitals, the anus or come into contact with bodily fluids can transfer microbes. That includes things like everyday bacteria and yeasts which can lead to BV, thrush or UTIs, as well as STI bacteria and viruses. The risks increase when toys move quickly between partners without cleaning, when they travel from anal to vaginal use without a barrier, or when the sex toys are made from porous materials. They can hold residue or bacteria and develop fungal growths even if you’ve washed them thoroughly.
All of this doesn’t mean sharing sex toys is unsafe by default. It just means you need to be informed, pause and take the proper protective steps to keep yourself and your partner safe.
Related: List of STIs and Symptom Checker
How To Make Shared Play Safer
None of this is about stopping the shared fun or ruining the mood. The aim is to make sure there are no unspoken concerns about whether that toy is clean enough, if sharing it is actually a good idea or if you’re risking irritation or infection just by having a good time with a shared toy.
Knowing the facts and being prepared means that everyone is fully relaxed once play starts, and that’s vital for an intense, intimate session everyone can properly enjoy.
Use Condoms as Simple, Effective Barriers
Putting a condom on a sex toy is one of the easiest ways to keep sharing safe. However, don’t just whack one on the toy then pass it between you from start to finish, or the protective element is void. You need to use a new condom for each person, each changeover and any change of orifice.
That means if you pass the toy to someone else, give it a new condom. Once you’re done, bin the condom.
This method works well with dildos, vibrators and powerful wands with firm, silicone heads. It’s quick, easy and reduces almost every hygiene concern.
Clean Your Toys Properly Between Partners
Don’t be tempted to give that sex toy no more than a quick wipe between users. Sex toys need to be thoroughly cleaned after every use, washed in warm water with mild, unscented soap and you can finish with a spritz of antibacterial sex toy cleaner for added reassurance.
What’s the design and surface of the sex toy like? With seams, grooves, nobbles, buttons and other textures, it’s easy for dirt and residue to get trapped. I like to keep a dedicated and regularly bleached and replaced nail brush just for the purpose of thoroughly cleaning sex toys.
Non-porous materials like silicone, glass, stainless steel and ABS plastic clean extremely well with careful washing. For deeper sanitising, non-motorised high quality silicone, borosilicate glass and stainless steel sex toys can be boiled or given a diluted bleach soak after your initial wash, followed by another thorough rinse. If you’re trying anything beyond simple, standard washing, always check the brand’s recommendations – I don’t want you to damage your beloved sex toys!
For a detailed cleaning guide, read my full article on how to clean sex toys.
Choose Safer Materials for Shared Play
If you share sex toys regularly, the material it’s made of matters. Pure silicone, borosilicate glass, stainless steel and ABS plastic are non-porous, which means they don’t absorb fluids and can be cleaned thoroughly. Porous materials like jelly, TPE, TPR and cyberskin can retain residue even after washing, so it’s better to keep those types as personal toys if you can’t bring yourself to dispose of them.
Better still, dispose of those unsafe types and invest in non-porous, body safe sex toys. Save money on your sex toy shopping by using my exclusive discount codes.
Get the in-depth scoop on toy materials, porous vs non-porous, phthalates and more in my sex toy materials guide.
Keep Anal and Vaginal Toys Separate
You’d think it would be obvious, but it needs stating clearly. A sex toy that’s been in the anus must not go into a vagina without a full clean and a fresh condom. The reason is simple: faecal bacteria in the vagina cause infections fast. You may think the condom is overkill, but it really depends on the toy material and the people involved. I’m in a long-term relationship, and only use non-porous sex toys, but I don’t use toys that I’ve enjoyed anally for vaginal play.
In addition, I keep my anal toys and vaginal toys separate. Many toys that are safe for vaginal stim aren’t safe for anal play anyway, as they don’t have a flared base. You can find out more about what’s safe for rear entry enjoyment in my anal sex toys guide, and my advice on how to enjoy pain-free anal sex.
Be Realistic About Textures and Electronics
Any textured sex toys or vibrators with seams, grooves, ridges and similar need a bit more attention when you wash them. As I mentioned earlier, a soft brush can help you fully clean out those niggly seams and button-surrounds.
Take care washing your sex toys, especially with any that have less than IPX7 waterproof rating. I hate the fact that some sex toys are still being manufactured to a frankly unacceptable ‘splashproof’ or ‘rinse carefully’ level rather than fully submersible.
Do your best to use fully waterproof toys only, and for those you currently love and can’t bear to be parted with, read up on how waterproof it is. If necessary, take care around charging ports, open areas and buttons. Always follow the manufacturer’s instructions. This could be a great opportunity to overhaul your sex toy collection, and invest in brand-new, fully waterproof and body safe styles which are low-priced but genuinely effective.
Check out my latest sex toy reviews for my thoughts and shop my recommended sex toy shops below. Another shoutout for my discount codes page, because if you can save a bit of cash, why wouldn’t you?!
Buy top quality sex toys:
In the US: Lovehoney.com | SheVibe | Babeland
In the UK: Lovehoney.co.uk | Bondara | Loving Joy
I realise none of this seems particularly glamorous, but it keeps both your toys, your body and that of your sexual partner(s) safe.
Talk Before You Play
Yes, it’s that time again. Time for the most overstated phrase in sex blogging: communication is key. It’s trite but true, I’m afraid. Honest, open communication makes shared pleasure smooth rather than awkward, ensures consent is active and ongoing, and keeps everyone involved psychologically, emotionally and physically safe.
Check in about what everyone is comfortable sharing, don’t simply assume. Who wants barriers? Who wants their toy to be just for them? Does anyone have any health considerations? It doesn’t have to be a heavy or clinical conversation, just a simple chat before play (and scene-appropriate check-ins during) that avoids confusion, offence, hurt and damage.
What You May Want to Have Ready
For most play sessions where you might share sex toys, having a few things ready and putting a bit of thought into preparation is all that’s required. We’re not talking a surgically sterile scrub-down environment, don’t worry. Things you might like to have on hand include:
- Condoms: please double-check expiry dates; they don’t last forever. Our condom reviews | Buy USA | Buy UK
- Lube: because it’s fantastic and needing lube isn’t shameful. Our lube reviews | Big lube guide | Buy USA | Buy UK
- Antibacterial wipes: they don’t magically make a sex toy hygienically safe to share, but they help remove excess residue before changing condom or setting a toy aside, as well as being handy to clean your hands. Our sex wipes review | Buy USA | Buy UK
- Mild soap: I tend to use handwash as it’s gentle and antibacterial. Buy at Amazon US | Amazon UK
- Toy cleaner spray: only if you like to use it. Our toy cleaner reviews | Buy USA | Buy UK
- Soft brush: Something like a nailbrush or old toothbrush that you keep just for cleaning toys and which you can dispose of and replace regularly
- A place to wash your sex toys, and a place for them to dry thoroughly after a gentle pat down with a clean towel
In Conclusion
Sharing sex toys with your sex partner is absolutely fine when hygiene, consent and toy materials are handled properly. So many people share toys without giving it a moment’s thought, and that’s where problems and health issues creep in.
Ensuring you’re informed, communicating with your partner and taking the proper precautions makes the experience safe as well as keeping things relaxed and above all, sexy. If you feel uncertain about anything, there’s nothing wrong with keeping some sex toys just for yourself. That way everyone involved can enjoy the erotic fun without being weighed down with worry.
FAQs
Can STIs Transmit via Sex Toys?
Yes. That is why condoms and proper cleaning matter. A fresh condom per person and thorough washing greatly reduces the risk.
Which Materials Are Safest to Share?
Non-porous materials like pure silicone, glass, stainless steel and ABS plastic. Porous toys are harder to clean effectively, so avoid sharing those.
Can We Share Vibrators and Wands?
Yes, as long as you use removable barriers or clean them properly between users. A fresh condom on insertable ends works well and keeps things simple.
How Do I Disinfect Toys Between Partners?
Wash with warm water and mild soap or toy cleaner, rinse well and dry. Some non-porous toys can be boiled or soaked in diluted bleach but always follow the manufacturer’s instructions.
Is Sharing Strokers Safe?
Most penis strokers are porous, so they are best kept for personal use only. If you do share, use condoms and treat the stroker as a personal item rather than a shared toy.
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