John Thomas Toys

Our John Thomas Toys reviews offer you the chance to read about our experiences with various wondrous dildos and other sex toys from the John Thomas dildo shop. JTT are renowned for their colourful, inventive and fully body-safe sex toys.

How are the John Thomas Toys body safe? Well they are made from the toy material of choice: silicone. Not just any silicone, but top quality, platinum silicone. This material is non-toxic, non-porous and free from phthalates, so you can be assured of ongoing hygiene and safety through your years of pleasure with these sex toys.

As you will see in our John Thomas Toys reviews, the JTT store offers a wide (often literally!) variety of sex toys with a specific focus on silicone dildos and butt plugs.

All the toys for anal use obviously have an integral flared base so they are safe to use and enjoy in this manner.

The John Thomas dildos have either a totally flat base or one with a hole into which a Vac-U-Lock adaptor can be inserted. As you will see in our John Thomas Toys reviews, many of these dildos come with a free suction cup Vac-U-Lock adaptor which means you can not just use the dildo with a strap-on harness (if the toy isn’t too big for that) but you can secure the dildo to a flat surface via the suction cup base to help with insertion and ensure you take things slow and prioritise safety and comfort throughout your pleasure sessions.

Enjoy all our John Thomas Toys reviews – then have fun shopping for a new and adventurous sex toy.

John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher Review

8 out of 10
Price:
£239.00
Horny is decidedly more abstract of a design than most of the John Thomas Toys range, though the official backstory is that it's the horn of the devil himself. But regardless of the backstory, each ring is a sinful challenge of its own to anyone brave enough to tackle it.

John Thomas Pod Platinum Silicone Stretcher Review

10 out of 10
Price:
£239.00
Officially, John Thomas Toys say that “Pod is an alien life form planted on Earth 88 million years ago by an alien race from Zeroth”. In my unofficial and unsanctioned by Games Workshop capacity, I'm calling it a replica of a pure-strain Genestealer’s tongue. And anyone who’s played Warhammer 40k has probably dreamt about being pleasured by a Genestealer at some point in their life. Well, now’s your chance.

John Thomas Arnie’s Extremity Fisting Dildo Review

9 out of 10
You get some respite at the wrist, but the feeling of fullness is akin to an inflatable plug. When you’re ready to continue, you'll find the overall girth grows again quickly, offering an even greater challenge; but at this point, it’s a slow, restrained stretch with no unexpected surprises and a more uniform expansion.

John Thomas Toys Curly Twirly Dildo Review

8 out of 10
Price:
£199.00
Looking for a dildo you can literally screw? John Thomas Toys, purveyors of all kinds of fantasy and monster cocks, has one that might be suitable in the form of the Curly Twirly.

John Thomas Toys Thingy Bob Multi Cock Head Dildo Review

7 out of 10
Price:
£119.00
What's the best part of a dick? I think we can all agree it's the head. So what could possibly be more satisfying than a dildo with a big dick head on it? That's not a rhetorical question: a dildo with FOUR nice big dick heads on it would obviously be better.

John Thomas Dino Slug XL Silicone Anal Stretcher Review

9 out of 10
Price:
£239.00
In my search for ever more exotic alien and monster cocks to submit to, this week I've found myself on the prehistoric planet of Arrakis. After slipping on a particularly slimy rock, I found myself face to face with this sizeable slug-like entity. Suffice to say, I had no hesitation in dropping my space trousers and allowing it to explore my hole.

John Thomas XTRO Fusion Colour Dildo Review

9 out of 10
XTRO was trying to communicate his dark hunger for me. A series of guttural clicks were followed by a deep angry growl, as he grew impatient for me to understand, let alone reciprocate his need. I tried to scrabble away, but couldn't help myself glancing back to find that wasn't the only thing that was growing. Luminous green drool dripped down his gaping maw, landing on his now huge cock. I froze, but at least I could be confident he didn't want to devour me for dinner.
John Thomas Sergeant Major Orange Silicone Butt Plug Review

John Thomas Sergeant Major Orange Silicone Butt Plug Review

9 out of 10
The second of two John Thomas Toys butt plugs I'm reviewing this month, the John Thomas Sergeant Major Orange Silicone Butt Plug is a cute, phallic anal toy which is reliable, effective and easy to use. I chose four products from the hugely varied and colourful John Thomas collection to review: Skittle dildo, the Buxom Lady dildo, the Twisted Hog butt plug and this Sergeant Major butt plug.  
John Thomas The Twisted Hog Pink Pig Face Butt Plug Review

John Thomas The Twisted Hog Pink Pig Face Butt Plug Review

9 out of 10
I've been enjoying trying out some of the wondrous John Thomas toys recently, as you'll have seen from my recent Skittle Dildo and Buxom Lady dildo reviews. I also chose two butt plugs from the colourful and diverse range; the Sergeant Major butt plug and the item I'll review in full below: the John Thomas The Twisted Hog Pink Pig Face Butt Plug.
John Thomas The Buxom Lady Neon Green Silicone Dildo Review

John Thomas The Buxom Lady Neon Green Silicone Dildo Review

9 out of 10
I've been interested in trying out some of the JTT range for quite a while, especially as they've had rave reviews from resident reviewer Tigerlily. After much deliberating I chose the Skittle dildo, the Buxom Lady dildo, the Sergeant Major butt plug and the Twisted Hog butt plug. This review is for the John Thomas The Buxom Lady Neon Green Silicone Dildo, and I have the medium size in medium firmness.
John Thomas Skittle Yellow Anal Stretcher Dildo Review

John Thomas Skittle Yellow Anal Stretcher Dildo Review

9 out of 10
I decided to choose some John Thomas dildos and plugs to review for myself, and opted for the Skittle dildo, the Buxom Lady dildo, the Sergeant Major butt plug and the Twisted Hog butt plug. This review is for the John Thomas Skittle Yellow Anal Stretcher Dildo, and I have the small size in medium firmness. 

John Thomas Umbungo’s Finger Anal Probe Review

8 out of 10
Who is Umbungo, and why is his finger so unreasonably long? Your guess is as good as mine. But what I can tell you is that his finger feels utterly lovely going up my bum.

John Thomas Woody Purple Silicone Dildo Review

8 out of 10
The John Thomas Toys Woody is aimed at people who, while watching Lord of the Rings, saw the enormous Ents emerge from the forest, and thought to themselves "I wonder what an Ent's cock looks like? I'd love to fuck one and find out".
John Thomas Toys Depth Training Colon Snake Silicone Dildo Review

John Thomas Toys Depth Training Colon Snake Silicone Dildo Review

8 out of 10
...the Colon Snake is one of the longest on the market. Compared to other anal depth trainers which are of uniform width, the head provides a little extra stimulation on the way out too, without being so big that it might get caught on something. It's a fun little feature, and if your fantasy is a snake up the bum, you're sorted.

John Thomas Toys Platinum Silicone Sampson Squirting Dildo Review

10 out of 10
Sampson won’t just fill your every hole with his enormous girth; he’ll also cum all over you. That’s because the Sampson is a rare breed—a squirting dildo—so you can live out all your bukkake or creampie fantasies.

John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

8 out of 10
The Parasite is, without doubt, the oddest looking dildo I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of fantasy dildos. But it's that uniqueness that draws me to it. It doesn't look even remotely penis-shaped, and I suspect you could hide it in plain sight on a hallway shelf alongside other movie props and quirky memorabilia. It's pretty hideous, actually, but this is exactly why I was delighted at the thought of getting penetrated by it.

John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

9 out of 10
Beastli is a gentle demon, really, but his member is so full of devilishly delightful textures that you couldn't possibly say no to such a handsome beast. You'll coax him out of the forest, scream in delight as his demonic head probes your inner depths, and suddenly find yourself taking a detour to those parts of the woods a little more often.

John Thomas Toys Platinum Silicone Chubby Cedrick Dildo Review (9 Inch)

10 out of 10
The John Thomas Toys Platinum Silicone Chubby Cedrick Dildo is a funny little man. His cock as a straight as anything, not too long and not too thick–yet his shaft is ribbed for added pleasure. It translates to an absolutely luscious fuck: not too punishing, but with a textured rhythmic experience all the way down his worm-like shaft.

John Thomas Toys Platinum Silicone Buffalo Dildo Review (9 Inch)

9 out of 10
You'll be feeling quite full now, as you gasp for breath and marvel at the sheer girth you've managed to fit in. But you'll keep going to satisfy his need to be fully in you. He pushes in further and you're fully impaled by this brute now, unable to move an inch of your own accord, with a belly full of cock and nowhere to escape.