John Thomas Toys Curly Twirly Dildo Review
Review of the John Thomas Toys Curly Twirly Dildo (Large Size, Medium Firmness) by Tigerlily
Looking for a dildo you can literally screw? John Thomas Toys, purveyors of all kinds of fantasy and monster cocks, has one that might be suitable in the form of the Curly Twirly.
Thanks to John Thomas Toys for sending this over for review, but what I’d really like to know is: what happened to the unicorn that this mould shape was clearly harvested from?
As with all John Thomas Toys purchases, a suitably sized velvet drawstring pouch was included in the package to store the Curly Twirly and a suction cup adaptor.
Colour and Design
The John Thomas Toys Curly Twirly Dildo comes in a simple green or dark blue. I wish they’d gone more rainbow or even just a pink and white swirl. And then they could have called it a Swirly Curly Twirly.
But they didn’t, so that’s beside the point.
The shape of the Curly Twirly is a simple helical cone, getting progressively and uniformly larger toward the tip. There are no anthropomorphic penis heads to be found, so if you’re opposed to dildos that look like actual penises, you might like this.
Size and Material
We opted to try out the Large size of the Curly Twirly in Medium firmness (the softer of the two). In Large, the John Thomas Toys Curly Twirly Dildo has 10.4 inches insertable, ranging from 3.7 to 11 inches in circumference.
Small, Medium, and Extra Large are also available, going from 6 inches insertable on the Small, to the 16 inches insertable on the Extra Large. The circumference (widest at the base of the shaft) ranges from 6.4 to 15 inches. That’s a wide range of sizes (though not as wide as some other John Thomas Toys), so be sure to check the exact measurements on the sales page before buying, preferably by comparing with objects in your home to get an accurate view of the size.
That said, it’s ok to buy a bit larger than you think you can handle on a toy like this, given it gets progressively larger as you go down the shaft. There’s no large knot or head to get past—it can be used as a stretcher as well as just a fun dildo.
Unlike some manufacturers which sell a mix of materials across their product range, John Thomas Toys are exclusively made of medical-grade silicone. This is the best material for an insertable toy, for a few reasons. Firstly, silicone is inert, so it won’t melt, react with lubricants, or stain. So while you can use the lovely drawstring pouch to store it in a drawer if you prefer, you could also put it in a bucket with other silicone toys and not worry about coming back to a congealed mess of thermoplastic meltdown in a week.
Secondly, silicone is easy to clean and won’t harbour any bacterial growth because it’s not porous. So before and after every use, a little warm water and soap is really all that’s needed. If you’re using it anally and find it’s picked up some unwanted odours, you can boil it in a weak bleach solution, put it in the dishwasher, or use toy cleaner. This will effectively sanitise your toy, so you can pass it on to the secondary market if you grow out of it.
Vac-U-Lock Cavity and Suction Cup
On the underside of the Curly Twirly, like most John Thomas Toys, you’ll find a Vac-U-Lock cavity. Included with your purchase is a suction cup adaptor that fits in here and lets you secure it to shower tiles, window panes, or other smooth flat surfaces.
In my experience, the included suction cup is more than strong enough to hold even a large toy like this, though it will still sag downwards.
The Vac-U-Lock cavity isn’t just for use with this suction cup adaptor. You’ll also find Vac-U-Lock equipped pegging harnesses for sale, or you can use a generic O-ring harness along with the suction cup adaptor.
You can even fit it on a fucking machine like the HiSmith Premium, but remember to check the angle so you’re not placing undue stress on the mechanisms.
Screwing the Curly Twirly
Now I know what you’re thinking. How could I have got this far into the review and not asked the most important question about the helical nature of this dildo: can you actually twist screw this into your orifices?
And the answer is: yes. The John Thomas Toys Curly Twirly Dildo works especially well as a stretcher because if it gets bit tough, just spin it like a screwdriver. Clockwise to go further in, anti-clockwise to withdraw.
However, this is easier said than done, so like any incompetent handyman, I reached for the power tools. The HiSmith Vac-U-Lock to KlikLok adaptor looked vaguely screw-bit shaped, so I attached the Curly Twirly to my trusty Makita battery-powered hammer drill.
This was… awkward, to say the least. After dropping the immense Power-Twirly Drill-Do (TM), stubbing a toe, and cutting a finger, I decided to perhaps try other methods.
Naturally, I turned to 3D printing, combining a simple hand-crank shape and a printable Vac-U-Lock adaptor in TinkerCAD.
This time, I put the wife in charge, and it all worked much better in her capable hands.
I shouldn’t need to say this, but you should stop if you feel pain at any point. Just because you can screw it in further doesn’t mean you should!
Is The Curly Twirly Your Next Dildo?
The John Thomas Toys Curly Twirly Dildo is a fun helical dildo that’ll serve as a stretcher and more. The texture is repetitive but enjoyable, and it can even be screwed in when the going gets tougher. But there’s so many lost opportunities here: why John Thomas Toys didn’t lean into a swirly rainbow pattern or Unicorn branding, I’ll never know.
We give the Curly Twirly 8/10: No Unicorn was harmed in the production of this review.
– Tigerlily
Buy Yours Today
Thanks so much to Tigerlily for another brilliant sex toy review. Find more thorough dildo & sex machine reviews by Tigerlily here at CaraSutra -as well as at their own website, sextoydb.com.
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