John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

9 out of 10

John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo Review (Small Size, Soft Firmness)

Review of the John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo by Tigerlily

According to legend (by which I mean, a sentence on the John Thomas Toys website), Beastli is a “shy & timid long haired beast of a creature that lives in the Romanian forest called Hoia Baciu located just outside of Cluj-Napoca”. For those of you who don’t know, this is in the heart of vampire region, Transylvania. Either way, the demon-like appearance and textures are incredible, both to look at, and be penetrated by.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a long-haired fursuit to show an artist’s recreation of what Beastli actually looks like in the wild, so we went with red latex demon style to demo him instead.

John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

John Thomas Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

Thanks to John Thomas Toys for capturing this fine specimen and sending him over for further examination. You can buy this, and many other fine fantasy dildos just like it, at John Thomas Toys.

Enjoy all our John Thomas Toys reviews

Fusion Colour

The John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo is one of a select few John Thomas items that comes in a hand-poured fusion of colours, resulting in no two dildos ever being the same. While this results in an incredible and unique design, you should be aware that you won’t get an exact replica of what you see in the product photos; neither the photos here nor on the sales page should be used as a design guide. It’s complicated further by the fact that Beastli contains five or more colours, rather than a simple dual-tone design. That means there’s even more margin for differences.

John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

That said, the result is stunning. The green and blue for me evoke images of a ghastly demonic form, while the pink and orange on the underside are like a reflection from the fires of hell below.

Take me, my demon prince.

But I should stress, the pour I received looked a little more different than I expected, and yours likely will too. Buy it because you like the shape and overall colour palette, not the exact pattern. If you’re worried about not liking the final design, stick to two-tone patterns, which are also unique, but broadly more predictable.

Packaging

I won’t labour too much on the packaging, given it’s really the meat inside that we’re after, but it’s worth noting that John Thomas Toys are shrink-wrapped with a golden holographic sticker of authenticity. Check yours to make sure it’s original—unless you’re specifically buying this toy second hand (which is perfectly fine with silicone dildos given they can be easy sanitised–please don’t throw away toys that still have life in them).

We also had a sticker to indicate the firmness of the silicone. Do take note of the “wash before use” advice, not just the first time to remove any leftover release agent from the moulding process, but on subsequent uses too. Silicone is a wonderful material, but it does tend to attract dust and hairs to the slightly tacky surface.

John Thomas Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

We opted for the softest of the two silicone firmnesses that John Thomas offers. This isn’t always a good idea on the very long or large toys, as it can make them difficult to use with a harness or fucking machine, bending too much when you try to thrust. No one wants a floppy demon dick, but it’s our preferred option on small toys where a vac-u-lock adaptor can provide a solid core. For anything larger than that you want to thrust with, I’d recommend Medium firmness.

Design

The shape and design of the John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo straddles a comfortable balance between humanoid and fantasy. The pronounced tip of the Beastli features two subtle concentric rings of surface bumps that remind me of subdermal implants. If you’re a fan of fellating your fantasy dildos, you’ll love running your tongue over these subtle details which can sometimes be lost during penetration.

John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

A series of tall ridges along the slightly curved shaft then completes the demonic look. The shaft gets a little wider as you get closer to the base, though this circumference increase is less noticeable on the Small size than it would be on Large or XL. It’s not a complex shape, but it is an absolute delight to look at and run your fingers or tongue over.

The John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo is equipped with a vac-u-lock hole for connection to a fucking machine, pegging harness, handle, or other accessories. You should use a little starch powder on the inside to ensure you can remove the vac-u-lock plug without damaging the toy.

John Thomas Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

John Thomas Toys includes a suitable suction cup mount with every order, and even though they’re no longer supplying an official Doc Johnson adaptor, I found their own brand to be just as effective. It works great for O-ring harnesses, or on a clean flat surface like bathroom tiles. I much prefer the versatility of vac-u-lock holes compared to built-in suction pads.

For testing, we used it attached to the HiSmith Premium Fucking Machine with a vac-u-lock adaptor (sold separately), in the shower using the supplied suction cup, and with a strap-on. It worked great for all those use cases.

John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

Size

In terms of sizing, I went with the perfectly petite smallest size, mainly because at the time of writing the only other option that was in stock was Extra Large, and frankly I’ve hammered in fencing posts that are smaller than that.

The Small size of the John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo has an insertable length of 16cm / 6.3 inches, while the widest circumference at the base is 16.5cm / 6.5 inches, and it weighs 270g / 9.5 ounces.

You can see the Small throughout the photos in this review for reference,  but to give you a rough idea of how big the XL size is at the extreme end: the circumference at the bottom of the shaft is 14.6 inches / 37cm, it weighs a ludicrous 3.4kg / 7.5lbs, and has 35.5cm / 14 inches of insertable length. You better factor in the cost of a box of chocolates for the postman at Christmas if you buy that monster.

Thankfully there’s also a Medium, and Large, in between those two, but you should keep an eye on the John Thomas Toys Twitter stream to find out when new inventory drops, as the middle two sizes are also the most popular.

I should warn you though, never purchase blind because you think you can take a bigger size. There’s a massive difference between each size step. Always check the measurements on the sales page for your chosen size and find a household object to measure and compare it to. The photos showing the size profile next to pop cans is helpful but doesn’t tell the full story. It’s very easy to buy something too large, which would be a shame if you can’t actually use it.

Start small and work up, especially if this is your first fantasy dildo, or you’re planning to use it with a thrusting machine of some sort. Some people enjoy an eight-hour epic battle to see how far they can fit a monstrous cock in them; I’d rather have something that fits in easily without too much prep and can fuck me senseless in less than half an hour.

Body-Safe Material

John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

Like all John Thomas Toys, the Beastli is made from 100% platinum cure silicone. Silicone is the best material a sex toy can be made out of, and it’s the best type of silicone at that. This ensures it’s entirely body-safe, being non-porous, and non-reactive. It will not harbour bacteria in tiny holes in the surface, and can be easily washed. You can even throw it in the dishwasher if you want, or boil it.

While you should still always do a spot test before using any new lube with your toys, most silicone toys are in fact safe to use with any silicone body lube, given that they are chemically inert (meaning, they shouldn’t react with anything else). That said, I rarely use anything other than water-based lubes nowadays.

Not all toys are made of silicone, and even the silicone ones aren’t all the same chemical formula, so you should use the included drawstring felt bag to store your toy when not in use even if storing alongside other supposedly silicone toys.

The drawstring bag is a thoughtful inclusion with the John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo that’s very much appreciated, and will stop your other toys from staining it, were they to leech out colouring or other noxious chemicals. But more to the point, if you do have any toys made of PVC/jelly, you should throw them out now and chalk it up to experience: they are not safe, not even once and not with a condom on. The chemical inside of jelly toys will leech out toxic oils from the moment they are made (ever wondered what that funny smell is? Yeh, that’s not good).

John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

Using the Beastli

As a humanoid dildo shape, the John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo is much like any other dildo, but with a whole lot more textured excitement as you slip over the devilish head and slide down the ridged curved shaft. These details aren’t just there to look pretty: every delicious ridge can be felt as it thrusts through you. The curve would help it to hit the g or p-spot, though in Soft silicone it doesn’t really have the rigidity for that.

At higher thrusting speeds, these ridges can become a little abrasive if you’re not used to extreme textures, but as long as you take it slow, you can enjoy each one.

Will You Adopt Beastli?

John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

Beastli is a gentle demon, really, but his member is so full of devilishly delightful textures that you couldn’t possibly say no to such a handsome beast. You’ll coax him out of the forest, scream in delight as his demonic head probes your inner depths, and suddenly find yourself taking a detour to those parts of the woods a little more often. Better just check in on Beastli, see if he’s doing ok.

Two things to consider carefully though before buying: check sizing. There’s a vast difference between each size option. Second: for manual insertion, particularly with the larger sizes, I’d recommend going with Soft firmness. But for use mainly as a thrusting toy, either on a machine or with a strap-on, go with Medium firmness to ensure the curved shaft isn’t wasted when trying to hit a p or g-spot.

Our rating: 9/10. The John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo is a cute fantasy dildo that doesn’t stray too far from reality, and the design is just as gorgeous to feast your eyes on as it is fun to fuck.

– Tigerlily


Buy Yours

Thanks so much to Tigerlily for this thorough review of the John Thomas Toys Beastli Platinum Silicone Dildo.

Buy yours from John Thomas Toys by clicking through the big green button below!

Thanks so much to John Thomas Toys for providing the above sex toy free of charge, in exchange for this unaffiliated, fair & honest review at the Cara Sutra sex blog. 

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