John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher Review

8 out of 10
Price:
£239.00
Materials:
Silicone

John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher Review

Tigerlily’s review of the John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher (medium size/12-inch, medium firmness)

Is it a horn? Is it a tentacle? Or is it a wobbly tower of increasingly smaller donuts? Yes to all of the above, and it’s devilishly good!

John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher Review

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Horny is decidedly more abstract of a design than most of the John Thomas Toys range, though the official backstory is that it’s the horn of the devil himself. But regardless of the backstory, each ring is a sinful challenge of its own to anyone brave enough to tackle it.

It’s available now in four different sizes and two types of firmness, along with four different colour choices (fiery red, abyssal black, a fusion of both, or a random mix—as reviewed).

Design and Colour

The John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher has a bold and eye-catching design, consisting of a series of expanding rings with an overall tentacle-like curve. Imagine stacking increasingly small donuts on top of each other, and how wobbly the final donut tower would be. That’s Horny—a tower of infernal temptation.

John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher Review

There are 13 rings in total regardless of which size you choose, but on this Medium size, the smallest is a mere marble compared to the life-size donut at the base.

We opted for the unique fusion colour style, which if you look at the website, appears to be a mix of pastel green and blue, orange, red, black, purple, and presumably whatever else was left in the mixing pot on that day.

John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher Review

There’s just something about the texture of the fusion pours that I love; they feel slicker than single colours. But you shouldn’t buy a fusion style because of the exact colouration. As a hand-poured technique, there is an element of randomness, and no two pours will be alike. You’ll get roughly the same colours as you see on the website, but the exact location of those colours will be different. The more colours in the mix, the more likely it is that it looks completely dissimilar to the photo on the site. That’s not a criticism—just something to be aware of.

In our case, there was an overwhelming amount of orange around the base, with more black around the tip, and very minor green and blue streaks. Our John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher blended in perfectly with the foliage on a warm spring day, in fact.

On the base, you’ll find the distinctive embossed John Thomas Toys branding and shield. Also in the package is a suction cup adaptor (more on that in a bit), and branded faux velvet storage case, which you can use to store your sex toy.

But, there’s no real need to keep it separated from everything else. All John Thomas Toys are made from the highest grade body-safe silicone, which won’t react with other toys, won’t stain, nor will it be damaged by any kind of lube. That said, I tend to only use water-based lubes. Not because silicone or oil-based lubes are bad for use on a silicone dildo, I just find them harder to clean, and I’m quite lazy.

John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher Review

On the subject of cleaning, rinsing with soap and water is usually enough. But if you want a deep clean, boiling in a weak bleach solution or throwing it in the dishwasher on a hot cycle is only marginally more difficult. As with all toys, you should rinse it upon first opening the package, as it’s usually covered in a powdery substance that helps to remove it from the mould used to form the shape.

Size and Weight

I opted for an entirely reasonable Medium size John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher, with Medium firmness. That’s the firmer of the two firmness choices. Though also available in Soft firmness (like all John Thomas Toys), I wanted to really feel those rings as they popped in me, and with a toy this curvy, I knew from experience that the Soft firmness could be tricky to insert.

In Medium size, the Horny expands from an easy 3.54 inches of circumference near the head, to a more daunting 11.22 inches at the base. It’s also a heavy beast, weighing in at 1185g (though the weights can vary).

John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher Review

If that all sounds like too much and you’d rather deal with a lesser demon, Small is 8.46 inches in circumference at the base and weighs 494g.

Want to go bigger? Large comes in at a whopping 14.17 inches circumference near the base and more than double the weight of the medium size at 2310g.

But I’m not finished yet: X-Large measures 16.53 inches around the bottom of the shaft, and weighs an absolutely colossal 4015g. I pity the postman that gets to deliver that monster (and frankly, the hole that tries to fit it in).

Speaking of delivery, John Thomas Toys doesn’t mess around when it comes to privacy. Everything is packaged in an entirely innocent-looking brown card box, and the sender is identified only as JTT Ltd. It’s a UK company, so as long as you’re buying from within the UK, there’ll be no customs declaration or description of the contents.

What’s It Like In Use?

Each ring you conquer is like another unholy achievement being unlocked. There’s a real sense of accomplishment.

On the other hand, I don’t think I could handle the John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher on a fucking machine or for pegging. The rings are quite pronounced and bumpy that you need to take it slowly, spending time to stretch with another toy and prepare for the next ring-up. This isn’t a toy to stretch with; it’s something to enjoy once you’ve done the stretching.

But if you’re just starting out with Horny, know that it’s not forgiving in the slightest, and once you hit your limit, you can’t easily expand little by little. You’ll be done for the day, stuck there, impaled on the devil’s horn itself. Pull out slowly and savour each contraction.

John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher Review

You can use Horny on nearly any flat surface thanks to the included suction cup, which fixes into the Vac-u-lock cavity in the base. Nearly all John Thomas Toys include this hole. As well as sticking to flat surfaces, the suction cup means you can use Horny for pegging with any ring-style strap-on system.

John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher Review

The Vac-u-lock cavity opens up a lot of possibilities beyond the included suction cup, with a whole world of compatible accessories out there. The KIIROO Keon, for instance, recently released a vac-u-lock dildo adaptor for their automated male masturbator, turning it into a mini sex machine. The HiSmith Premium is the big daddy of fucking machines with a massive 6-inch stroke and app control; the Kliclok to Vac-u-lock adaptor means you can use Horny with that too. Or if you have a 3D printer, you can print out little screw-on Vac-u-lock adaptors and affix them to random furniture. Such fun!

Are you Feeling Horny?

If you love the sensation of anal beads, you’ll love this dildo. It doesn’t have much of a backstory, and for some people, that might not matter. I like dildos that have a strong character attached to them; something I can create a mental image around. Sometimes, I even get inspired to write erotic fiction (my Pod-inspired Genestealer story, for instance). Horny is none of that. But bugger me if it’s not a hell of a lot of fun.

We scored the John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher 8/10: Sinfully Satisfying.

– Tigerlily

Buy Yours Today

Thanks so much to Tigerlily for this fantastic & thorough sex toy review! Find more fab dildo & sex machine reviews by Tigerlily here at CaraSutra -as well as at their own website, sextoydb.com.

Buy your John Thomas Horny Platinum Silicone Stretcher directly from JohnThomasToys by clicking through the big green button below:

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