John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

8 out of 10

John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo Review (Medium Size, Medium Firmness)

Review of the John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo by Tigerlily

The Parasite is, without doubt, the oddest looking dildo I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen a lot of fantasy dildos. But it’s that uniqueness that draws me to it. It doesn’t look even remotely penis-shaped, and I suspect you could hide it in plain sight on a hallway shelf alongside other movie props and quirky memorabilia. It’s pretty hideous, actually, but this is exactly why I was delighted at the thought of getting penetrated by it.

John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

Thanks to John Thomas Toys for sending over the Parasite in exchange for an unbiased review. If you want to let this wormling into your life, you’ll find the Parasite along with hundreds of other gorgeous fantasy dildos at the John Thomas Toys website.

Enjoy all our John Thomas Toys reviews

Parasite Design

The John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo is inspired by a 1975 Cronenberg movie called “Shivers”, a controversial sexploitation horror film in which a cliché ‘mad scientist’ invents a parasite to help mankind “get in touch with its more primal side”.
Inevitably, the Parasite escapes, and an entire luxury apartment complex is turned into sex-mad zombies.

John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

This is definitely one you’ll want to take in the bath with you and relive your favourite scenes!

The Parasite doesn’t have a typical glans, and doesn’t really bear any resemblance to anything human-like as far as insertables go. Instead, you have a tentacled head with various suckers on the top and sides, before tapering off to a much thinner worm-like body, which then rapidly expands again, doubling in circumference within the space of a few inches at the base. It looks like an exaggerated form of an earthworm in motion.

John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

We found that the John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo is longer than other dildos in the same class size, so we suspect it’s primarily designed for anal use. The Medium size we opted for is still slim enough at the top (5.2-inches) that when used anally, the tip should be able push just past your sigmoid, allowing you to tackle the remaining few inches of this slimy beast. It weighs 572g.

Size

The Parasite is available in Small (6.2-inches insertable, 7.2-inches circumference at the widest point), Medium (as reviewed, 8-inches insertable, 9.6-inches circumference), Large (11-inches insertable, 12.5 circumference), and Extra-Large (15-inches insertable, 16.5-inches circumference). The largest size weighs over 3Kg, while the smallest clocks in at less than 300g. Clearly, that’s a huge difference between sizes, so it’s always a good idea to check measurement first against an object you have to hand (preferably another dildo).

Colours

Our John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo is one of a small number of multicoloured designs in the John Thomas catalogue. It’s a two-tone pour of dark purple with gold/bronze accents.

The fusion pour means that no two productions will ever be the same, so you won’t receive a design that exactly matches the one shown in our images or the John Thomas Toys website. However, it won’t differ too much, and the blend is very subtle on this model anyway.

John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

In terms of the colour choice, I’m not sure bronze and purple are a good match for a parasitic organism. Given a free choice, I probably would have opted for a “classic” earthworm colouration of tan brown and red, or even an ethereal green and blue for an unmistakable out-of-this-world style.

You’ll find an alternative black and red design for sale, if that’s preferable, but I wanted to add some more vibrant colours to my collection.

Packaging

Your John Thomas toy should arrive shrink-wrapped with a golden sticker of authenticity. Ours also came with a blue sticker to indicate the firmness, though I believe this is new and may not be applied to their whole range yet.

We opted for the John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo to come in Medium firmness, which is equivalent to a shore rating of A-20. This is the highest of the two firmnesses that John Thomas Toys offers on their range (“Soft” is the equivalent of A-15), but it’s still significantly softer than generic silicone toys you’ll find on Amazon.

So it’s flexible enough to hold its shape on longer toys like this, but soft enough to contort a little during insertion. Which is great, because we suspect you’ll have to contort yourself as well while trying to get this squiggly thing inside.

Body-Safe Silicone

The Parasite is made of 100% Platinum Cure Silicone: the best kind of silicone you can buy. Included in your purchase is a drawstring bag to store it in, too. This ensures it won’t get stained by other toys, and helps to keep any stray hairs and dust away. While soft silicone is the best material for sex toys, it does tend to pick up bits if not stored correctly. Regardless, you should always rinse your toy before use.

Vac-U-Lock Versatility

Like most John Thomas Toys (though not all, so do check first), the Parasite is equipped with a vac-u-lock cavity at the toy’s base. This makes it compatible with a huge range of accessories, like fucking machines or strap-on harnesses.

John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

Also included in your purchase is a John Thomas original vac-u-lock suction cup adaptor. This is perfect for use in the shower, and in our experience, it held on well despite the Parasite being heavier than average.

We also used the suction cup adaptor to fix the John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo to a strap-on harness with an O-ring.

John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

Finally, with a HiSmith Vac-U-Lock adaptor, you can even attach the Parasite directly to an incredible fucking machine. But even though you can, it’s not ideal. We’re no stranger to large toys, but the Parasite is just a little too awkward to be rammed in and out at high speed. This is one you’ll want to take very slowly to enjoy every slithering second.

Using the Parasite

Even at Medium size, the head of the Parasite slips in easily thanks to the small starting point. It then bulges out and tapers off again, and this part ends up feeling a little like a butt plug. But it’s a false sense of accomplishment as confusion quickly follows. Unlike with butt plugs, there’s no end in sight; the worm keeps sliding further in. That was just a teaser, for just as its head hits the back of you, probing for a way past, you meet the lower half of its body, and you can’t help but allow it to burrow further inside you, even though the stretch is unlike anything you’ve tackled before.

Is This The Parasite For You?

John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo Review

If you welded together a tentacle, colon snake, and anal stretcher, you’d get the John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo. It’s not an eye-pleasing design in the same way a beautifully crafted fantasy dildo usually is. It’s quirky, terrifying -and frankly, quite gross. And it’s precisely the sort of thing to live out some infectious fantasies with.

The dual sensation of the head trying to probe your most inner depths while the large base stretches you to your limits is incredible. This is not a dildo for the faint-hearted, but if you enjoy multiple bits tickled at once, this is definitely one to try.

8/10: It wiggled and jiggled. And tickled inside her.

– Tigerlily


Buy Yours

Thanks so much to Tigerlily for this fabulous & thorough sex toy review.

Buy your John Thomas Toys Parasite Platinum Silicone Dildo by clicking through the big green button below! 

Thanks so much to John Thomas Toys for providing the above sex toy free of charge, in exchange for this unaffiliated, fair & honest review at the Cara Sutra sex blog. 

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