YKINMK: Your Kink Is Not My Kink

YKINMK: Your Kink Is Not My Kink

How kinky are you? The things that turn you on are a blend of desires and fantasies unique to you as an individual. Groups of people may share similar common turn-ons, as evidenced by genres of porn videos and themes in erotic literature. But the specifics that get you to the peak of psychological then physical arousal, is an exclusive recipe which has evolved from your personal experiences. There should be no shame or judgement when it comes to safe sexual & kinky activities alone or between consenting adults. However, YKINMK regularly proves itself a relevant and important philosophy.

What Does YKINMK Stand For In BDSM?

YKINMK stands for your kink is not my kink.

Now let’s take a deeper look into the nuances and implications of this phrase.

What’s The Real Meaning Of Your Kink Is Not My Kink?

YKINMK is a well-known acronym in the BDSM world and is used as a declaration of acceptance of the hugely diverse interests and activities that kinksters explore – either alone, or with consenting, like-minded adults. This declaration may be aloud in conversation with others, or to oneself as a reminder.

The YKINMK philosophy helps promote a harmonious & happy BDSM community and avoid negative judgements and kink shaming. We’ll discuss what kink shaming is and why it’s so wrong in a little while.

Why This Phrase Is Required

“Your kink is not my kink” is a phrase often used to quickly and easily convey the sentiment, “I don’t find that kink or sexual interest appealing/arousing/fulfilling personally, but hey, you do you”.

In my opinion it shouldn’t really be necessary to verbalise this sentiment, but it can be useful for reassurance in conversations where particularly niche or commonly-seen-as ‘extreme’ kinks are being discussed.

That said, YKINMK isn’t simply a handy phrase to throw into conversations to show you’re cool with all consensual interests and activities between like-minded adults. Your kink is not my kink is a philosophy to live by. It’s an integral part of a code of conduct which prioritises respect to everyone, regardless of their interests, without shame or judgment.

Kinks Commonly Considered Taboo, Extreme or even ‘Disgusting’

When people think of BDSM, they usually associate the most popular kinks with the scene, such as domination and submission, bondage and spanking. The world of D/s is vastly diverse, however, with each individual’s unique blend of triggers and turn-ons creating myriad lesser-known kinks and activities. Some of these niche kinks and interests can be harshly judged by others who don’t share the kink or interest, and/or don’t understand how anyone could find that particular thing appealing or arousing.

As is the case with most negative opinions & judgments against consensual and ultimately harmless interests and acts, it comes from a lack of understanding. If a person can’t identify personally with a turn-on, it’s easy to dismiss it as ‘weird’ or even ‘wrong’.

What are some of the most misunderstood and therefore viewed as ‘extreme’ kinks? Here are the top slated kinks and sexual interests:

• Scat (toilet-based, particularly the inclusion of faeces into power exchange and/or sexual practices)
• Watersports (Golden showers / piss play)
• Emetophilia (Roman showers / vomit)
• Furry Fetish (Animal-style costume wearing and role play)
• Vorarephilia (Dolcett Girls / cannibalism fantasy)
• Rapeplay
• Incest Role Play
• Ageplay (including the Daddy Dom little girl kink DDlg & Adult Baby Diaper Lovers ABDL)
• FemDom – particularly Pro Domination, where the Domme may require regular gifts/tributes, or sets an hourly rate for her time and services.

Related: Learn the difference between a kink and a fetish
& enjoy this complete list of BDSM fetishes & kinks

Forever Against Kink-Shaming

I will always be totally against kink shaming. What is kink shaming? It’s the practice of negatively judging someone else, or a group of people, for their consensual kinks or sexual interests/activities. As I’ve already stated, I believe kink shaming comes from misunderstanding, not being able to empathise with someone else’s preferences and rejecting anything which doesn’t fit someone’s unique but ultimately narrow world-view.

Instead, I believe a more positive outlook and philosophy is to welcome differences and be actively inclusive. This actively inclusive and welcoming attitude is required in order to fully reject any aspect of kink shaming, even judgements which are internalised rather than verbalised. It isn’t enough to just turn your face away and tolerate other people’s differences. Growing as a person means fully respecting others’ choices and preferences -even if you don’t share them or can’t understand them yourself.

If kink shaming comes from the idea that some activities aren’t acceptable, perhaps take a moment to consider what kinks and sexual practices you do find acceptable. Why are some kinks palatable to you but others are viewed with disdain, disgust and repulsion? You are not the arbiter of acceptability in BDSM, sex or any other type of adult relationship or interaction. There isn’t ‘one true way’. A lack of understanding doesn’t excuse negative judgements, kink shaming or bullying through gossip or exclusion.

Whatever turns you on and forms the scope of your passions and perversions may not be how it works for others – and that’s not only OK, it’s fantastic. The spectrum of human individuality, including the diversity within BDSM and sex, is a glorious part of life and should be wholeheartedly celebrated.

Why Is Inclusivity So Important In BDSM?

As BDSM includes types of relationships and activities deemed alternative to the mainstream, it’s particularly important to prioritise positive attitudes & inclusivity to all in the ‘scene’.

Many people enjoy practising BDSM and being a part of this world not only for the fulfilment gained from power exchange and kinky activities, but also as it’s an area of life where they feel free to be themselves.

Negative judgement, shame (the non-consensual/non-scene type) and bullying has no place in BDSM.
YKINMK and my kink is not your kink either -and isn’t that truly wonderful?