Last Updated on 14 July, 2023 by Cara Sutra
Will Using Anal Sex Toys Make Me Gay?
Worrying that using butt plugs or other anal sex toys will make you gay seems to be a fear peculiar to cishet men. Today I’m addressing this issue and giving my definitive answer to the regularly asked question, “will using anal sex toys make me gay?”
Spoiler: No, using butt plugs will not and cannot make you gay. Like all irrational fears, it’s helpful to identify & tackle the real issues involved. In this way, positive and healthy sexual and psychological progress can be made.
Yes, Some People Genuinely Worry About This
Does anyone honestly still worry that using anal sex toys will ‘make them gay’? As a sex blogger I regularly get asked sexual health and advice questions via email and on social media, and this question still pops into my inbox from time to time.
When anal sex toys make an appearance on public and mainstream social media, perhaps as the result of mentions in a TV programme, film or meme, I see in the comments cishet men tagging their mates and implying that their friend uses anal sex toys – as an insult. There is usually the implication or outright declaration, in a negative context, that the use of anal sex toys is a private sexual pleasure pursuit exclusive to gay men.
Are some cishet men so insecure in their sexuality and is their masculinity so fragile and toxic that they believe inserting an anal sex toy for personal pleasure can change or determine sexuality? And that being anything other than heterosexual is cause for belittlement and mockery? Apparently so.
Sex Toys Do Not Determine Your Sexuality
Let’s break down the errors in belief, attitude, and behaviour here one at a time, beginning with sex toy use and sexuality.
The sex toys you choose to use for personal erotic pleasure do not determine your sexuality, which is a separate and distinct thing. Your sexual orientation and identity as a whole are not the consequence of the pleasure tools you choose to purchase at the adult supplies store or from an online sex shop.
Being Scared Of Being Gay Is Literal Homophobia
What is wrong or shameful about being a gay man? Absolutely nothing at all. So why do some cishet men decide to use gay sexuality as an insult, whether amongst strangers or supposed friends? Beats me. I don’t understand the mindset at all. It’s nothing more than bigotry and homophobia.
A person who is so afraid of being gay or of gay people that they fear their choice of sex toy could evoke this sexuality in themselves, or they mock and insult others for actual or implied gayness, is wrong and needs to change. Unfortunately, I don’t think the sort of person who is that bigoted in thought and action reads the sex blog of a liberal middle-aged woman, cares what I think or would rectify their toxic attitude and damaging behaviour.
We must all do what we can to counter and stamp out these attitudes and the lingering stigma against gay men and any person/sexuality which isn’t heterosexual.
Hetero isn’t the default or the ‘norm’ that any other sexuality is a deviance from. Sexuality is a spectrum. A person’s sexual orientation, just like their gender identity and ethnicity and anything else which isn’t a choice but is in fact part of their genetic code, deserves respect.
Sex Toys Are Sexual Pleasure Tools For Anatomical Stimulation
Newsflash: The sex toys you use don’t determine your sexuality.
Inserting a sex toy into your body or inserting yourself into a sex toy isn’t a magic portal which decides if you’re hetero, bisexual, gay or other. They’re sex toys, not sexuality sorting hats.
If it feels good, use it! Research your chosen sex toys to ensure they’re fully body-safe as well as safe for the type of intimate stimulation you desire, then enjoy years of shame-free pleasure sessions.
Sex toys are cleverly designed tools which help you discover the peak of erotic pleasure, whether you use them alone or share the voyage of sexual discovery with a partner, so why deprive yourself of untold bliss?
Anal Sexual Pleasure For Beginners
Once you’ve stopped asking “will using anal sex toys make me gay?” and start asking “will using anal sex toys make me explode my load like never before?” you’re ready for the next step. Apprehension as well as excitement when you’re an anal sexual pleasure beginner is completely understandable, as this is a part of the body you may not have previously ever considered using for ‘sex stuff’. The butt-hole can feel hidden and forbidden, a concealed tight opening which you previously regarded as solely an exit, not an entrance.
I won’t lie; it’s unusual for someone to try anal stimulation (with or without sex toys) and become immediately besotted with this style of pleasure play. You need to take your time, work at it, and probably experiment with a combination of erotic tools and accessories until you find your perfect combination and technique.
There is a wealth of information here at the Cara Sutra sex blog for anal sex toy beginners and those new to anal sexual stimulation. This includes prostate stimulation, which is easiest using specifically designed prostate stim tools such as prostate massagers and other P-spot toys.
Check out my related guides and articles:
- Anal Sex Toys Guide
- Anal Lubes Guide
- Butt Plug Reviews
- Beginners Guide to Prostate Massage
- Prostate Massagers Reviews
The Health Benefits Of Regular Prostate Massage
As well as reportedly feeling out-of-this-world fantastic and leading to mind-blowing, full body orgasms, regular prostate massage can provide non-sexual health benefits too.
First of all, what is the prostate? The prostate is a small, walnut-shaped gland which is located on the front wall of the internal anal canal in AMAB (assigned male at birth) people.
Regularly stimulating the prostate gland delivers intense sexual pleasure, but also has been shown to
- Effectively reduce the risk of prostate cancer
- Reduce the size of an enlarged prostate
- Improve urinary flow
- Reduce urinary frequency
- Ease erectile dysfunction problems
- Reduce erection and ejaculation related pain
The prostate can be stimulated and massaged by a partner’s finger if they’re dextrous enough, but this is admittedly a challenging technique. An easier and therefore more effective method is to use a prostate massager specifically designed for this purpose. P-spot toys are available either vibrating or non-vibrating, and in a variety of lengths, girths and shape/curvature styles.
With a healthier prostate and improved all-round health, your sex life is bound to benefit from increased confidence and be much more fulfilling. These reassurance and health benefits will not only affect you, but also your partner if you have one, improving intimacy, your sex life and your relationship.
Will Using Butt Plugs Make You Gay?
Now you have the definitive answer to the question, “will using anal sex toys make me gay?” No, your choice of sex toy and how you achieve sexual pleasure doesn’t determine your sexuality.
You might choose to enjoy butt plugs, anal beads, prostate massagers or any other type of pleasure tool designed to help you reach the peak of erotic pleasure through anal stimulation. Your sexuality remains distinct from your sex toy preferences and use. Choosing to explore other avenues of sexual pleasure using the many different styles of sex toys available means you’re a secure person in your sexuality and in your solo or shared sex life.
My hope is that every sexually-interested adult feels able to safely and consensually pursue a fully satisfying sex life, without stigma, fear, self-imposed prejudice, or shame induced by the small-minded bigotry and homophobia of others.
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