Last Updated on 19 May, 2026 by Cara Sutra
How do you identify in BDSM? What are BDSM identities? If you’re curious or confused about the various ways in which kinksters describe themselves in the kink scene, this guide is for you. And just to reassure you from the outset: you don’t have to choose one, or be sure about it. Some people have a firm BDSM identity, others find that over time, the way they want to ‘play’ in D/s is fluid, just like some people have fluid sexualities. This guide comes to you from the unique perspective of a woman in midlife, a Domme. I’m now in midlife, in my mid-forties, but over the past couple of decades I have at various times identified as Dominant to most, submissive to some, a 50/50 switch, and now I am in an era of being completely Dominant; but I still enjoy my husband and I’s sexual roleplay with bondage cuffs at times.
What are your thoughts on labels? Understandably, many people don’t like to be strictly categorised in any way. We’re all individuals; unique. However, labels do have their place in society as they’re a handy way to quickly describe yourself. The same is true when it comes to the D/s scene. Although many kinksters, myself included, don’t feel that any one label is our absolute perfect fit, describing yourself to someone else as Dominant, submissive, switch or other is a quick and easy introductory method. In this BDSM identities guide I’ll be looking a little closer at those kinky descriptors, the character attributes & desires they attempt to portray -as well as various other persona labels used in the BDSM scene.
What are the main identity labels used in BDSM?
Elsewhere on the blog I explain what BDSM stands for in detail, but to summarise: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. These are the three main areas of personal fulfilment and enjoyment in BDSM, and aptly represented by the BDSM triskelion symbol.
Usually someone who identifies as kinky also broadly categorises themselves as one of the three main BDSM identities: Dominant, submissive or switch. These are extremely broad labels, however, and as always there is a wealth of nuance. As individuals with our own unique blend of preferences, there is a plethora of subset categories which attempt to adequately describe someone’s BDSM identity. Sometimes they nail it, or you may feel as if one label isn’t enough, or you might feel that none of the labels out there are a perfect for your specific kink type.
Dominants: kinksters who like to be in control
Some people prefer to take control in their BDSM relationships and play sessions. This may be part of their very nature, or a play preference, or just one facet of their kinkiness that they enjoy from time to time. People who prefer to take control in BDSM usually identify as one or more of the following labels, which each have slightly different definitions:
Dominant
A Dominant person is dominant by nature. This isn’t a role that they assume only in power exchange sessions with a play partner, they feel dominant in their character. Someone who is Dominant finds fulfilment and great enjoyment in taking consensual control of a submissive partner, which may be in or out of the bedroom depending on the type of relationship established.
Top
Someone who identifies as a Top will assume the dominant role during power exchange and kinky play sessions with a partner. They may not be dominant by nature, but they are able to effectively take on this role for mutual enjoyment and fulfilment.
Sadist
A person who identifies as a sadist (in the BDSM sense of the word) usually also identifies as Dominant or as a Top, but not necessarily. Sadism is a separate and specific area of BDSM which is able to be enjoyed away from the power exchange roles of dominance and submission, ie the sadism/masochism part of the BDSM acronym. Someone who is a sadist enjoys inflicting pain and/or cruelty on a consenting submissive and/or masochistic partner.
Master or Mistress
Identifying as a Master or Mistress usually comes along with another label such as Dominant or Top. A Master or Mistress enjoys dominating their willing partner, but as part of a relationship structure in which ownership is key. A Master or Mistress ‘owns’ their submissive or slave, often like property. This does not necessarily imply any inferior feeling towards or treatment of the submissive. In fact, many Masters and Mistresses profess a profound love for their owned submissive, which is usually reciprocated in kind.
Submissives: people who enjoy handing over control to someone else
Other people prefer to hand over the reins of control when it comes to enjoying kinky relationships or sessions, and they may identify as one or more of the following BDSM identities. Again, these labels may fit someone’s entire nature, or just how they feel during a session, or they may flit between these and other labels as part of the natural ebb and flow, or evolution of character and kinkiness.
Submissive
Someone who identifies as submissive feels submissive by nature, this isn’t a role they assume only when part of a kinky play session. Being submissive, they find fulfilment and enjoyment when consensually handing over control to their dominant partner, whether this is in the bedroom, other kinky play location or as part of everyday life.
Bottom
A ‘bottom’ enjoys assuming the submissive role during kinky sessions and interactions but might not identify as a submissive person by nature. Nevertheless, fulfilment is found by those who identify as bottoms when they choose to hand over control during fun play with a Dominant or Top.
Masochist
If one identifies as a masochist, this means the person enjoys receiving pain or cruelty from their chosen Dominant, Top or Sadist kinky partner. Sometimes the pain enjoyed is physical, such as through corporal punishment or specific pain fetishes, or it may be mental cruelty such as temporary abandonment, neglect or mind fucks which satisfies.
Slave
A slave is someone who is owned, in a kinky/BDSM sense, by their partner, who may identify as their Dominant, Top or Master/Mistress. The specific nature of this slavery will be unique to each consensual relationship, with some slave/Owner relationships strictly remaining in a kinky play session environment and others forming an integral part of the couple’s every day, 24/7 kinky life. A contract of ownership often features in a slave/Owner BDSM relationship, with collaring ceremonies also popular.
When variety is the spice: switches and kinksters
Perhaps you enjoy taking control during some BDSM sessions and experiences, while at other times you prefer to hand over that control. Maybe how you best enjoy the kinky experience is down to your mood at the time, or the specific person you’re getting kinky with. While many people strictly identify as Dominant or submissive, in whatever form that takes for them, others find that their kink enables them to feel fulfilment in a variety of scenarios and roles.
Kinky
A person who identifies as kinky usually mean this in contrast to perceived vanillahood, ie they will have personal, psychological and/or sexual interests found within BDSM. This could be handing over or taking control (with a consenting partner during sex or outside the bedroom), having specific fetishes and kinks or becoming aroused by consensual sadism/masochism activities. They might not feel a label such as Dominant or submissive suits their particular brand of kinkiness, feeling more comfortable outside of such specific definitions.
Switch
Someone who identifies as a switch is able to fully enjoy and gains fulfilment from assuming the role of the Dominant/Top or submissive/bottom in a kinky play session or as part of a BDSM relationship. Some switches can become and enjoy the Dominant or submissive role based just on how they feel at the time, others find that they are specifically more Dominant or submissive depending on their kinky relationship or BDSM power exchange partner.
A wide variety of terms used to describe people who enjoy BDSM
The BDSM identities I’ve discussed above are not an exhaustive list, they are simply the most common labels people identify with, and as, as part of the BDSM scene. There are many other identity labels, some of which you can find in the word cloud below. There could be as many identity labels as there are kinky people in the world, if everyone were to choose their own, which is a perfect fit.
When attempting to explain the main descriptors of BDSM identities, as I have in this guide, it is difficult to articulate every single wonderful facet of each kink identity, plus everyone has their own individual and uniquely flavoured sense of what the terms mean to them. My definitions are by no means supposed to be the absolute categorical definition; I believe it is impossible to fully and adequately define what ‘Dominant’, ‘submissive’, ‘switch’ and the rest mean for absolutely everyone in the world who identifies with those categories and labels.
The brief and broad but easy to understand summaries of the main BDSM descriptors in this handy resource is intended to help people understand the main differences between each one. People are often not just one of the terms I’ve look at today either; but rather a blend of several to form their individual kinky nature.
When you’re not sure if you’re Dominant, submissive, switch or other
Don’t worry if you haven’t found the exact label that describes your kinky desires yet. The most important thing is to play safely using the right BDSM safety framework for you, prioritising active consent and not being afraid to use safewords or traffic lights whenever needed.
For more guides and kink tips, check out all my BDSM advice articles. If you’re looking to add some exciting new kinky play tools to your arsenal, shop budget-friendly bondage toys at Lovehoney US, United Kingdom or Europe, or upgrade your current selection to include some luxury new picks.
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