Home Cara Sutra Sex Blog Advice How A Woman Gets Pleasure From Pegging Men & Strap-On Sex

How A Woman Gets Pleasure From Pegging Men & Strap-On Sex

7 November, 2024

How A Woman Gets Pleasure From Pegging Men & Strap-On Sex

One major reason why I love exploring the world of sexuality is that it’s so expansive and varied. Even after 15 years as a sex blogger, and many more years as a sexually active woman, I continue to learn new aspects of sensuality and desire as well as various kinks, fetishes and erotic desires. Pegging and strap-on sex is a very interesting topic, not only because of the physical activity itself, but the psychological motivations and impact behind it. Pegging is the act of a woman fucking a man anally with a strap-on, whereas strap-on sex can be between two women or people of any gender and sexuality as long as the strap-on fits and feels good. In today’s article, I want to focus specifically on how a woman gets pleasure from pegging men & strap-on sex, because this is the angle I have personal experience of and an ongoing interest in. That isn’t to say only women can experience the pleasure of pegging or strap-on fucking a partner, that perspective is just my personal experience and what I want to share with my lovely readers today.

Stigma & Myths

Before I share more about my personal pleasure strap-on fucking a man, I want to acknowledge the fact that there is still plenty of stigma surrounding the practice, as well as pervasive myths. Let’s clear all of that up right now, at this early juncture.

The main stigma that exists about a woman pegging a man is that the man always has to be submissive, which is seen as a bad thing in this world rife with toxic masculinity and decrepit patriarchal norms. Firstly, submissive men exist, have the right to exist, and they are not weak or less than any other man or person. Secondly, plenty of men enjoy being pegged by a woman when they don’t identify as submissive, they just enjoy the activity. Anal stimulation feels good; besides, the prostate gland is located up there, stimulation of which can result in the most intense stimulation ever felt & lead to the most powerful orgasms ever experienced.

Because of this stigma, many men feel the need to keep their love for pegging a secret, either enjoying it as a ‘guilty pleasure’ in the privacy of the bedroom and a trusted relationship, or sadly never daring to engage in the practice at all for fear word would get out and they would be belittled and mocked.

Lots of myths exist about pegging and strap-on sex, including but not limited to:

A woman into strap-on sex is always Dominant
All women who enjoy strap-on sex are lesbians
Men who enjoy being pegged are all submissive, weak, ‘beta males’
Men who are into being strap-on fucked are just bad at PiV sex (penis-in-vagina) and/or have a supposedly inferior penis
Pegging or strap-on sex is always either a BDSM thing or a lesbian thing
People who are ‘vanilla’ or into mainstream sex practices are never curious about or partake in pegging or strap-on sex

I shouldn’t have to add that all the above are unfounded and false.

Does Pegging Challenge Traditional Gender Roles?

I’ve read that women enjoy pegging men because it challenges traditional gender roles. I don’t agree. I mean, you may believe that pegging challenges traditional gender roles, and enjoy the ‘fuckery’ of that, but that doesn’t mean that pegging = a gender role reversal. For that to be the case, every single adult on the planet would have to be cis, ie. all men have a penis and all women have a vulva/vagina – and that simply isn’t the case. A person’s gender is not determined by their genitals or anatomy. In addition, the whole ‘gender role reversal’ thing hinges on men having what is assumed to be the more assertive, dominant role in sex, being the one who fucks the other person, whereas the woman is always the one being fucked. Again, simply not true.

It’s 2024, traditional gender roles are out, and enjoying life & sex as the actual diverse, multifaceted humans we are, is in. To reiterate what I said earlier, strap-on sex can be enjoyed between people of any gender, sexuality or BDSM orientation, as long as the strap-on fits and it feels good.

Pegging my husband

My husband is a BDSM Dominant. I am also Dominant in BDSM terms. Despite the fact that we are two Dominants, we enjoy a fully satisfying and widely varied sex life, proving that sex isn’t always either two ‘vanilla’ (mainstream acts only) people or one Dominant, one submissive in a BDSM relationship. To further blast some myths out of the water, my husband very much enjoys anal stimulation – including from me, during pegging or strap-on sex.

When I strap-on fuck my husband, that doesn’t mean I am ‘becoming the man’ or ‘being the Dominant’ in sex. He is not ‘acting submissive’ or ‘being a beta male’ while having his arse thoroughly fucked, and his prostate intensely stimulated, to the height of pleasure and beyond. We both simply enjoy the activity and experience, for all the physical and psychological eroticism it delivers.

I enjoy pegging my husband because he thoroughly enjoys it, and I get to experience his sexual and psychological excitement vicariously, given to him through my movements, actions and accompanying words. Plus, I can enjoy pegging and strap-on sex in a directly physical way too, as I will explain in a little while.

Pegging my BDSM slaves

When pegging my slaves, as a Dominant Woman in the FemDom aspect of BDSM, it’s a very different form of sexual and sensual enjoyment.

These slaves who enjoy being pegged by a woman very much identify as submissive, and some hold an ‘old world’ view of gender roles which undoubtedly maximises their excitement and enjoyment of a woman fucking them up the arse. The traditional and patriarchal society view of a gender binary where men are dominant and in charge, and women are submissive and follow men’s lead, often runs deep in older generations and anyone indoctrinated with such myths from childhood, whether they consciously refute and reject these ideas or not. These deep-seated world views often form the base of my BDSM submissives’ attraction to FemDom as a kink, an exaggerated ‘perversion’ of what they have been taught about gender roles and norms in society. I am not here to act as a cure or therapist for these notions, whether consciously refuted or embraced. I am busy getting my own satisfaction as a Dominant Woman in the realm of FemDom, in a consensual relationship with my submissives and slaves, regardless of psychoanalysis.

The ‘breaking traditional gender roles’ aspect of FemDom, including a male submissive’s ‘humiliation’ from being Dominated by a woman, is an intriguing discussion – but one for another day. Suffice to say, my submissives who are into being fucked up the arse by a woman during the power exchange role-play of Domme with strap-on embrace it in a different psychological way to my husband. I gain a different form of psychological and therefore physical enjoyment from pegging a slave too, because the attitudes, setting and relationship is entirely different to when I’m fucking my husband. I don’t enjoy a slave’s physical stimulation from being anally pegged, it is more about a display of my power as the Top, a physical conquest of their body as well as their mind, plus there is always a chastity requirement in place with my submissives so they are not allowed to reach or experience orgasm.

This is a whole new layer of kink and power exchange which isn’t in play when I’m strap-on fucking my husband, where in contrast it’s all about our mutual physical enjoyment as well as strengthening our psychological and romantic intimate bond.

Trust & Bonding

A deepened connection and strengthened bond between those involved is one of the rare similarities I have experienced between strap-on fucking my husband and pegging my BDSM slaves. The connection and bond is entirely different; I love my husband as my life partner and equal, without any power role play, whereas my slaves are firmly in the BDSM aspect of my life, and we connect only as Dominant and submissives without any romantic love involved.

The act of pegging or strap-on sex requires a high level of trust as well as clear, ongoing communication between those involved. This is as much due to physical reasons as psychological; you’re not face-to-face when fucking someone up the arse, therefore it’s harder to judge reactions and encouragement to continue, plus the anal area is highly sensitive and can be fragile which means much care must be taken during access and the fucking session.

If you have played with butt plugs and anal sex toys you will know from experience that plenty of lube and patience is required. And that’s when you’re inserting the toy into yourself, when you can feel every millimetre of the toy entering you, and when you can immediately stop or go slower if needed without having to instruct someone else at the helm. Handing your sensitive, tight, prone-to-tear butt over to someone else to penetrate and fuck certainly shows a great deal of trust, thrilling vulnerability and necessitates clear communication regarding consent, desires and boundaries.

Increasing My Pleasure During Pegging

Enjoying the recipient of my pegging’s trust, vulnerability, emotional connection and physical enjoyment is all well and good, but what about my sexual pleasure during strap-on sex? There are several ways in which I elevate my physical sexual pleasure during pegging and strap-on sex, whether with my husband or when Dominantly fucking a BDSM slave:

1. Two-way street

A double ended dildo used with a compatible strap-on harness provides internal, vaginal stimulation for me with every thrust.

A strappy harness with an O-ring is a good choice, such as the UberKinky Cheeky Chaps, but due to the typical high positioning of the O-ring a lengthy but also flexible double ended dildo is required, and one which fits through the ring. Adjusting the harness strap length and location of the O-ring will likely be required. I like the NS Novelties Blue Silicone Double Ender (available in other colours, plus vibrating options if you look around at SheVibe).

2. Good vibrations

I can switch on a bullet vibrator and pop it into my vagina to delight and stimulate during the pegging sesh, or some strap-on sex harnesses have a special pocket where a bullet vibe can be placed to deliver clitoral stimulation to the wearer during play. Clit stim and bullet vibes are both in my list of favourite things!

Currently loving the Bathmate rechargeable bullet vibe which is small but oh-so-mighty, and not too loud during use either.

3. Jiggle-jiggle for the wiggle-wiggle

Kegel balls/jiggle balls or a vibrating love egg can be worn vaginally to ramp up my sexual stimulation. For sheer luxury and top spec technology you must check out the Lovense Lush 3.

If you’re after a budget-friendly option, the Lovehoney Excite Silicone Pleasure Balls are sure to satisfy.

4. Pleasurable pinch

Attaching nipple clamps has the dual effect of being stimulating when worn anyway, and adding new ripples of delicious and intense stimulation through the strap-on fucking motions.

My current faves are these Herculean Uber Clamps, but if they’re a little too extreme for you then why not try the adjustable delights of these Ox Bull Nose clamps instead.

5. Fireworks in the back yard

I can enjoy anal stimulation myself during strap-on sex, by wearing a static butt plug or (preferably) a remote-controlled vibrating butt plug to toy with during the pegging session.

I absolutely love the We-Vibe Ditto+, but if you need a more budget-friendly option then the ROMP Bass is fantastic too (but doesn’t have a remote control).

In Conclusion

If you’re a woman curious about pegging and strap-on sex, I hope this article sharing my personal perspective and experiences has empowered you to explore this fascinating and deeply connecting sexual activity. Perhaps your partner has shown an interest in being strap-on fucked, but you weren’t sure what this meant or how you’re supposed to feel about pegging your man. When all is said and done, what it means and how you feel is as personal as just about any sexual or BDSM activity enjoyed by two consenting individuals.

My advice would be to have a thorough and completely honest conversation about pegging/strap-on sex and what it conjures and means to you both, before you set foot in the bedroom to get started. Confront and discuss any expectations, any desired role-play, how you both envisage the activity taking place and how you both would like to derive the most pleasure from it. Promise to peg or strap-on fuck with the highest levels of physical and psychological care, with clear communication from the outset continuing all the way through, and often-checked active consent from you both too.

Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and stimulating for everyone involved – don’t lose sight of that by holding to rigid notions, harmful stigma, outdated gender views or damaging myths. Allow yourself the freedom and exciting potential of approaching pegging and strap-on sex with an open mind, no expectations other than exploration and consensual enjoyment, and you might be surprised by how much you and your partner love this new aspect of your intimate life.