Post-Sex Clean-Up: How to Avoid the Wet Patch

Post-Sex Clean-Up: How to Avoid the Wet Patch

What do you use to clean up after sex? Whether it’s PiV sex (penis in vagina) or other types of sexual pleasure, the wet patch isn’t often talked about in sex advice columns, sexy stories or other erotic media. Bodily fluids, lube and other liquids are part and parcel of sexy fun, however – so finding a neat solution for post-sex clean-up is a great idea. Proper sex prep and cleaning up routine will ensure your sheets and mattress stay in tip top condition, ward off intimate infections & irritation, and help you enjoy a blissful night’s sleep in the warm and dry, not the cold and sticky.

I was listening to one of my favourite podcasts recently (Shagged Married Annoyed) when they started talking about listeners’ ‘wet patch’ stories. It amazed the podcast couple – and myself – how many people out there just mop up after sex using their t-shirt from the day, or a towel that resides under the bed and rarely, if ever, gets washed. Not ideal is an understatement.

Cleaning Up After Sex: The Options

Just what are the options when it comes to post-sex clean-up?

Try to ignore the mess, and sleep in the cold, sticky wet patch. Sheets and mattress be damned!

You could choose to do absolutely nothing at all. Just lie there in the accumulated stickiness of foreplay and sex. Sounds erotic in theory, but trying to sleep in a cold, sticky damp patch isn’t for me. I don’t want the worry of cum seeping through sheets into the mattress to ruin my peaceful slumber, and I’m aware that silicone & oil-based lubes can stain sheets and clothing too. After all, I’ve recently acquired a new luxury mattress – I really don’t want anything to ruin it.

For PiV sex, there is also the health and hygiene of the vagina to take into consideration. It’s healthy to go for a wee after sex to ‘clear the tubes’ – and I like to have an intimate wash after that too, so I’m lovely and fresh for sleep. It keeps my vagina healthy, happy and irritation-free. I’ve had too many UTIs and instances of thrush, over the years, to risk doing things any differently.

Mop up using the clothes you were wearing.

It may be tempting to use the t-shirt or underwear by the side of the bed, clothing that was hastily ripped off pre-sex session. T-shirt or underwear fabric isn’t all that absorbent, though – meaning you will end up just smearing sex fluids and residual lube over a wider area rather than cleaning up effectively.

In addition to the fact that clothing fabrics aren’t designed to absorb fluids, these are clothes that have already been worn throughout the day. Using them to clean up your intimate areas means risking the introduction of outdoor dirt, plus bodily sweat and bacteria, to your delicate nether regions.

Grab a towel or rag you leave under the bed specifically for that purpose.

Some of the stories I’ve heard involving a ‘sex rag under the bed’ are positively vom-inducing. The same towel or rag under the bed, used to clean up after every single sex session, sometimes for months or even years! 🤢

You could put a clean towel there every time, ready to mop up after sex – but many hand and bath towels have a distinctly rough surface which feels extremely abrasive on your sexy bits.

My advice is to buy a cheap set of hand towels specifically for post-sex clean up.

Get them in a different colour to your ordinary or everyday towels in the bathroom, and wash them using fabric conditioner then tumble dry. This will ensure they’re as soft and fluffy as possible when you use them underneath you during sex, and when using them to mop up any mess afterwards.

And please, please put the towel into the wash every single time. Don’t just chuck it back under the bed to fester!

Leave a pack of baby wipes on the bedside table.

Ok, so no t-shirts, boxers or bacteria-laden, abrasive old sex towels. What about baby wipes? They’re designed for the most delicate skin of all, right?

Sure, you could use baby wipes to mop up any sex fluids and to clean up after sex. I personally prefer not to have a pack of baby wipes on the bedside table though, because a) most packs feature the grinning face of a small baby which isn’t conducive to a sexy boudoir atmosphere and b) baby wipes need to be put in the bin, meaning I need to get out of bed anyway, and then I may as well have my wee and a proper intimate wash in the bathroom.

It’s worth mentioning here that baby wipes are not flushable – they need to be disposed of in the bin. Many baby wipes also contain plastic, which isn’t great if you’re eco-conscious and want to reduce your household’s disposable plastic use.

Have a box of Kleenex on the side – or a spare loo roll.

Tissues are a popular option for cleaning up after sex. It could be a spare roll of toilet tissue on the bedside table – which doesn’t exactly ignite passion – or a box of Kleenex.

Using tissues is a great first plan of action when you’re ready to clean up after sex or masturbation. They are fairly absorbent for small amounts of fluid and can be kept close by, within easy reach before you get up to use the toilet and/or have a proper wash. They don’t save your sheets or mattress during sex, though.

Also, tissues are quite fragile by nature – meaning that during the process of cleaning your sensitive areas which are extra-sticky with sex fluids and lube, tissue particles can get stuck to your skin.

Tissues are a disposable item, requiring you to keep an eye on how much you have left on the bedside table, and regular replacement. They’re a handy item to have within reach after sex but I wouldn’t rely on them solely for after sex clean-up, for the reasons I’ve listed above.

Buy adult wipes so you can clean up like the sexy fun loving adults you are.

Did you know you can buy wipes specifically for grown-ups? They don’t feature any libido-killing sweet baby faces, and they can be used for a quick wipe down of your sticky areas before a full wash.

There are also sex toy cleaning wipes available which are helpful when it comes to ridding the worst of the mess from your dildos, vibrators and butt plugs, before you clean them more thoroughly in soapy water.

Be sure to look at the ingredients of any body wipes you use for intimate cleaning, as some contain chemicals which can be extremely harsh or even irritating when used to clean the delicate vaginal area.

Invest in a fabric fluidproof sheet which can be bundled straight into the wash afterwards.

Sheets of San Francisco make genuinely fluidproof sheets in a variety of styles. The fitted sheets and pillow cases are made from a seam-free, rubber-like material. This could be a little cold to the touch for some, but never fear. Sheets of San Francisco also offer tactile, traditional fabric-feel throws in a range of gorgeous printed designs, which are just as fluidproof as their basic range.

These sheets aren’t cheap but they’re worth every penny. I have them myself – click to read my Sheets of San Francisco reviews – and they are simply the best for protecting your mattress and for worry-free masturbation and sex where anything goes (or flows).

Got an unusual bed or extra deep mattress? Sheets of San Francisco offer a custom ordering service. Whatever you wish to cover with a practical and/or pretty fluidproof sheet, they are able to tailor their unique and effective products to meet your requirements.

Shop:
sheetsofsanfrancisco.co.uk for UK readers or
sheetsofsanfrancisco.com for USA readers.

What’s Your Clean Up Plan?

Looking through the above post-sex clean-up options, which suits you best? Perhaps it isn’t just one, but a mixture – something handy and disposable by the bed, with a fluidproof fitted sheet underneath you and a stack of soft, freshly laundered sex towels in the drawer ready for grabbing and dabbing.

Even if you’re the kinky type who has a thing for sleeping in the wet patch (YKINMK), I doubt you want to run the risk of UTIs/thrush from ineffective post-sex clean-up. Or ruining your bedsheets and mattress, come to that. Those things are expensive!

It is of course important to balance easy, practical and body-safe solutions with your available budget. I hope this article has helped you reconsider how you clean up after sexual playtime, whether alone or with a partner.

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