Which anal desensitising lube would you recommend?

lets talk anal sex advice

Dear Cara, could you recommend a great desensitising anal lube please?

Short answer, no. What? I hear you cry. There are loads of anal lubricants and gels designed to make anal sex and using anal sex toys easier though, right? You just want to see me cry.

Well, perhaps. Actually that’s rather a distracting thought. Dammit. Back to the subject, desensitising your anal entrance and inside you is a bad idea. The skin of the anus and the sphincter muscle for the opening are sensitive for a reason. The pain involved in stretching the skin or the muscle too wide is to tell you to stop or at least, slow down a bit. You’re going to hurt yourself.

If you use a desensitising lubricant or gel for anal sex or using anal sex toys, you won’t be able to tell how much damage you’re causing yourself. So why do they sell anal desensitising products? Because there’s a demand for them. You can also go out and buy a willy warmer, but it won’t serve any great purpose. Unlike anal desensitisers though, a willy warmer hopefully won’t lead to risks of anal entrance tears or internal damage.

If you want to make sure anal sex or using anal dildos and butt plugs is pleasurable instead of painful, two words.

Use Lubricant.

Well actually, use lots of lubricant would be more to the point. Sexual lubricant helps to eliminate any unwanted friction and chafing from either a penis entering the anal area or from butt plugs and anal dildos. If you’re using an inflatable butt plug, a hefty dollop of lubricant will avoid surprise friction when the plug is being inflated.

Unlike the vagina, the anus and internal areas do not produce a natural lubrication, other than whatever bodily moisture is already there. Therefore no matter how excited and aroused you are, it won’t make that Colossus Butt Plug 3000 go in any easier. You’re gonna need some lube.

There are lubricants designed specifically for anal adventures. These are often more opaque and have a higher viscosity than the lube standard of water based. This means that you’ll be able to see where you’re putting it, and that it won’t simply drip away from the area like a lighter consistency lube might. You can also use silicone lubricant for anal sex, which is perfect for skin to skin sexual activity. Silicone lubricant is also compatible with latex condoms. Just don’t use silicone lube with your silicone sex toys otherwise you may damage the material on them.

The only thing I’ve used Anal Eaze for which was a life saver was on my stretched belly button piercing when I was pregnant! I couldn’t exactly help that it was being stretched so far – and the desensitising elements of that gel really helped. So it does have some use, after all.

Something I’ve never understood though, is Cherry Flavoured Anal Eaze.

Just going to let that sink in a moment.

Oh I understand and love rimming. But with a numb tongue? Something to think on…

In any case, I hope this helps!

Cara Sutra


  1. […] I think this is a good place for a health disclaimer. Being desensitized or numb during anal sex is potentially dangerous. Without being able to feel discomfort or pain, a person could get hurt and not know right away. […]

  2. I’ve thought the same thing about flavored anal lubes. WTF???? Makes me think of writing a story about sex toys and lubes that are just bad ideas.

  3. […] other day, she answered a reader’s question about which anal desensitizing lube to use. Her short answer was “no” for the obvious reason – to feel what’s going on for the sake of […]

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