Cara Sutra
Sex blogger, Domme, Sex toy tester. My guilty secret is that I'm boring.
Aftercare After Sex: How to Reconnect, Recover and Deepen Intimacy
Sexual aftercare has taught me that the intimacy doesn’t end when the physical pleasure does. It is carried through in how we look after each other once our bodies physically separate and the lusty arousal fades. The mutual care that comes after the eroticism is where the true strength of our relationship resides.
From FitBit to Visible: Learning to Live with M.E.
It truly is devastating. Life looked a certain way, before; bright, active, hopeful. Now, life is darker, restricted, depressing. I’ve gone from running a busy life juggling motherhood, my relationship, my sex life, my hormones in perimenopause, my fulltime self-employment and my exercise and fitness goals, to a needle-scratch moment of life where the record was changed without warning or consent to an ominously slower pace. Of course I’m upset. Wouldn’t you be?
Trusting That I’m Loved When I Struggle to Love Myself
Postponing love until some day which never actually comes is learnt self-cruelty. I’m rejecting self-cruelty and embracing self-kindness. How will I go about fully believing in his love for me? I don’t have all the answers, but I know I have to do the work dismantling my old belief systems.
Writing With a Spine
I may not have a spine on the bookshelf, but I've got one in my body. And I'm freshly committed to writing with a backbone. Wherever my writing is published.
Living with Low Libido: Where I Am Right Now
If you’re expecting an advice post, or a triumphant “problem solved!” write-up, you’re going to be disappointed. I’m right in the middle of this frustrating situation, and right now, there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve taken all my own advice about increasing your sex drive, followed all the usual sex tips. Nothing is working.
Why I Love Winter: A Slower Rhythm, Darkness, and the Permission to Rest
I enjoy winter as a natural pause, a time for clarity and introspective focus. This transitional period is a great annual opportunity to properly consider what I’d like to work on, what my plans are and how I’ll move forwards into literal and metaphorical spring.
Winter lets my feelings exist exactly as they are, and that authenticity is perfectly aligned with my core values.
Why I’m Writing a Survivor’s Journal
It’s important to me to tell my own story in my own words, rather than continuing to be psychologically affected by other people’s versions of my lived reality. Fighting against past gaslighting which echoes around my psyche is a daily battle. I’m no longer willing to minimise, distract from or ignore my experiences for my own or other people’s comfort. It’s my life, no-one else’s.
How I’m Protecting My Energy In 2026
Since developing M.E. last year and learning how to navigate life with chronic illness on top of perimenopause and being deaf, my energy is a precious and carefully guarded resource. In 2026, protecting my energy isn’t a soundbite for trendy mindful culture. It’s mandatory, non-negotiable; the only way I will manage, survive and heal. This year, I am being intentional about what I give my time, attention and body to, and just as intentional about what I’ll no longer engage with.
New Year Weight Loss Plans? Why I’m Choosing Nourishment Over Diets This January
New year weight loss plans are everywhere you turn in January, berating you for the pleasurable excess you enjoyed in December. Every year, as the wheel turns and we move from party to punishment season, I feel the same harsh judgement about eating habits and body image, and hear the cutting voice of my inner critic, shaped over a lifetime by family, media, and cultural pressure. Happy new year: your body is once again up for review.
2025 Reflections: A Change Of Pace
The past 12 months have crawled by in a blink. That’s how this year has felt to me, in many ways; my personal pace downshifting a couple of gears while life rushes on around me with the same frenzied impatience as always. Every December I like to look back over the year and share some personal insights, what’s been going on behind the scenes, as it were. Most of my blog has been focused on adult toy reviews and sex advice, but today I’m carving out a little space for my 2025 reflections.
Is It OK To Share Sex Toys? Safety, Hygiene & Pleasure Tips
As well as couples passing toys between each other during foreplay and sex, sharing kink equipment in the BDSM scene happens frequently too. Today I’m answering the question lurking behind this common practice: Is it OK to share sex toys? Yes, it can be. You need to handle hygiene, consent and materials properly.
How to Increase Your Sex Drive: Gentle, Real Ways to Reignite Desire
The common problem of low libido is usually your nervous system begging for rest, softness and space rather than stimulation. Today’s guide offers tips to increase your sex drive, exploring real ways to boost desire and get your sex life back on track.
Why Needing Lube Isn’t a Sign You’re Broken
Sexual lubricant should be used with enthusiasm and pride; it’s a pleasure tool which makes pretty much every kind of sex activity feel better. It adds glide to the ride, transforms sticky moments into erotic slipperiness. Needing lube isn’t a sign you’re broken - it means that you prioritise comfort and sensuality in your sex life.
Last-Minute Christmas Sex Toy Gifts: Rechargeable Doxy Wand, Lush 4, The Rose Toy
Read on for my top choices for last-minute Christmas sex toy gifts with fast delivery. In this festive sex toy roundup, I’m sharing my 3 best sex toy gift ideas that you can buy close to Christmas which will seriously impress: the Rechargeable Doxy Wand, the Lush 4 and The Rose Toy.
Festive Bondage: How to Tie with Tinsel, Ribbon and Holiday Rope
For kinky couples, festive bondage brings the magical sparkle of Christmas into the bedroom. It seems a shame to waste all your dressing skills with tinsel, ribbon and coloured rope just on the tree; with a little imagination you can enjoy decorating your partner. Read on for my Christmas bondage ideas...
12 Days of Kinkmas: Daily BDSM Challenges for Couples
Christmas is full of heartwarming emotion, indulgence and rituals. For kinky couples, the festive season provides the perfect opportunity to create new, intimate traditions which include evocative bondage, spanking and power exchange. That’s where the 12 Days of Kinkmas comes in, providing daily BDSM challenges for couples and ways to connect through kink over the holidays.
Kinky Stocking Fillers: Best Small BDSM Gifts for Doms, subs & Couples
Christmas stockings are usually filled with safe little presents like soap and socks. Are there any kinky stocking fillers for kinky couples to gift...
Sexy Stocking Fillers: Best Small Sex Toys That Deliver Big Pleasure
Curious about what you’ll find in your Christmas stockings this year? If you’re a sexy fun-loving couple ready to celebrate all the erotic potential of the festive season, you’ll love today’s guide. I’m sharing my top recommendations for sexy stocking fillers; small sex toys and little erotic bedroom treats that deliver big pleasure all year long, not just through the holidays.
Kinky Christmas Gifts: The Best BDSM Toys for Couples to Give (and Receive)
Couples who play together, stay together. If you’re the kinky types, skip the bath sets and boring perfume. This year, slip something thrilling under the tree. Kinky Christmas gifts go beyond “I love you”, they add “I want to play with you, claim you, indulge in intense & delicious power exchange fun with you.” But what are the best BDSM toys for couples to give and receive?
Pain During Sex: Why Painful Intercourse Happens And How To Fix It
Painful intercourse can occur at any stage of life, to anyone. When it happens, it isn’t a sign of failure or that something is intrinsically wrong with you. Sexual pain is your body sending you a message: something needs to be adjusted or changed. Take heart (and notes) from today’s advice guide on this subject, and you will soon be on your way back to comfortable, pleasurable sex.
