Last Updated on 31 March, 2026 by Cara Sutra
Throughout my life, I’ve treated energy with no respect whatsoever. It’s been something expendable and easily replaceable, given no more thought than the air I breathe. This has drastically changed. Since developing M.E. last year and learning how to navigate life with chronic illness on top of perimenopause and being deaf, my energy is a precious and carefully guarded resource. In 2026, protecting my energy isn’t a soundbite for trendy mindful culture. It’s mandatory, non-negotiable; the only way I will manage, survive and heal. This year, I am being intentional about what I give my time, attention and body to, and just as intentional about what I’ll no longer engage with.
Being kind to myself has become a core value. A large part of this is respecting my own limits. This is not merely a manifesto or mission statement; it’s the only way I can protect my mental and physical health.
Let’s start with what I’m refusing to continue holding in my life now that conserving energy and protecting my mental health are top priority.
Energy leaks I’m closing
This is how I plan to reduce my energy expenditure, losing things from my life which are more energy-expensive than they’re worth.
Workload
I am consciously curating my workload as I step into 2026. Parts of my work which cost a lot of energy for minimal return (whether that return is financial, creative or personal) will be pruned. If something drains me and doesn’t earn its place in my limited capacity work life, it will be cut out going forwards.
Interactions
Another conscious positive decision I’ve made is to step away from arguments, negativity and bad-faith debate. I no longer have any spare energy to waste on people who seek to drain it rather than genuine types who engage kindly and approach with curiosity. The energy vampires can go.
Content consumption
Along the same lines, I am muting social media accounts or channels which serve up sparkle-extinguishing content. Any person or brand which shares bigoted or otherwise cruel attitudes and values will be unceremoniously blocked. I don’t need any updates from the worst versions of humanity.
Urgency as a virtue
I’ve been living my life like my value is based on constant high levels of productivity, which requires me to be visibly busy all of the time. Everything was rushed, everything was critical, everything was urgent. There was constant hypervigilance and bracing for seemingly inevitable crises. I had to be available at all times to everyone. It’s an exhausting way to live. I’m letting it go. Living slower, with more patience and more kindness to myself.
Where my energy goes now
These are the avenues I’ve deemed most important and what I’m investing my limited amount of energy into.
Full-bodied nourishment
I’ve set a firm intention to nourish myself fully. Not just with the food and drink I consume for fuel and for pleasure, but through what I read, watch, listen to and otherwise allow to take up residence in my mental space. Goodbye to mindless consumption, doomscrolling and brainrot; hello nutritious physical and psychological sustenance.
Intimacy discernment
I’ve learned there’s a difference between wearing my heart on my sleeve, and the lack of care apparent in allowing all and sundry access to the most private and intimate parts of myself. Being selective about who I share these sacred parts with demonstrates self-respect and protects my energy. Access to my inner world isn’t a free for all.
Building self-confidence
I know rationally and consciously that my worth isn’t measured in numbers, whether that’s the number on the scales, clothing labels, follower counts, website traffic stats or engagement metrics. It’s still difficult to confidently live like that’s the honest truth, though. Going forwards I’m letting myself be an imperfect person, and letting things be incomplete. I can share my thoughts even if they’re not perfectly polished or finished. I can be vulnerable without risk of erasure.
I’m coming to trust myself more, starting to listen to and respect my inner voice. I will stop relying on external sources for personal validation and self-esteem.
Work boundaries
My work here on the Cara Sutra blog remains a huge part of my life. It isn’t just a source of income, it represents independence, freedom of expression, creativity, self-fulfilment. This blog is my full-time employment; I work for myself, from home. I feel lucky to be able to set my own hours and work in comfort, whether I am able to sit at the desk in my office or need to work from the sofa or even from bed on particularly rough days.
Such a large, ongoing daily commitment obviously requires firm boundaries if I am to protect my energy. I don’t want my blog and brand to merely ‘tick over’ on autopilot, or to disappoint my loyal readers with trite and shallow offerings when it comes to blog posts and interactions on social media. Therefore, I have decided to:
Say no more often
I am not a better person if I say yes to everything. I’m just over-committed, will likely fulfil each task to a lower standard, and end up disappointed in myself as well as exhausted.
Stop underestimating my value
By that, I mean my own value as a person and as a brand, as well as my website’s value. My time, experience and skills are not up for debate or to be undersold. They say time is money, which is true. But time is also energy, and that’s what I’m focusing on protecting going forwards. It’s all connected.
Disconnect work goals from my sense of self-worth
As mentioned in the last section, numbers, follower counts, reach and traffic stats aren’t a measure or reflection of me as a person. I deserve respect and rest, and my needs deserve to be listened to and honoured, regardless of how well I feel I’m ‘performing’ workwise. The only person I need to be good enough for is myself, no-one else.
Honouring my body and health
This is a big one. My recent physical changes and health decline are the main catalyst for change in my life, the factors which make protecting my energy non-negotiable. The ways I’m going to better honour my body’s capacity and my health needs are by:
Respecting my own limits
I’ve spent years writing about the importance of consent and respecting other people’s limits, while being a hypocrite about my own. I’ve burned through my limits even when I was well, and now I live with chronic illness on top of perimenopause and the changes that come with midlife and aging, I’ve been forced to stop and listen.
Managing the day I’m in
Tomorrow is another day. While I can make plans for the future, I can only live in the day I’m in. That means pacing properly day to day, doing what I can to keep stress to a minimum and accepting that rest is a mandatory facet of protecting my energy and being productive within healthy limits (as well as just basic self-respect).
Making sure I get enough sleep
I’ve fallen prey to the trap of staying awake long past my physical limits for years, thinking that I’m clawing back some ‘time for myself’ after rushing around all day and taking care of everyone else. All that happens when I do that is I pay for it the next day, and my energy reserves dip lower and lower until I have nothing in the well to draw from. Even more so now, living with perimenopause and M.E. Getting enough sleep, good quality sleep if possible, is a basic need as well as a strongly validating expression of self-care.
My main commitments
There are certain areas of my life which I value highly and which I feel deserve intentionally directed energy. I certainly don’t get the balance perfect all the time, and often I’m too drained to do anything but attempt to rest, but these are my main areas of focus in life.
My family and relationships
This one should be obvious. I have three sons with varying ages and needs, and they’re everything to me. My husband is my love, an integral part of my life and I don’t know what I’d do without him (and I don’t even dare imagine). I have other highly valuable relationships to consider too, such as siblings, close friends, and submissives in the FemDom aspect of my life.
My sobriety
I’m approaching 3 years sober (start date was 22 February 2023). My decision to go sober protects my energy more than almost anything else I can think of. You can read more about this life changing decision, the reasons behind it and how it’s affected me so far in my related post: choosing the sober life.
I wouldn’t choose alcohol again for all the money in the world. Being sober feels like finally breaking free from a carousel of chaos. It feels like freedom. It is freedom.
Weekly therapy
I’ve previously written about how much my weekly therapy sessions mean to me and being aware of how privileged I am to be able to access therapy.
My therapy is deep, difficult work, which is ongoing. Therapy is revealing vulnerabilities and honest truths about myself which are sometimes difficult to sit with, but which are clarifying lots of things. There are complex emotions that come from delving into past trauma, sitting with and processing the grief without temporary softeners like alcohol, drugs, obsessions like compulsive over-exercise or pouring all my energy into others or work.
It’s a lot. I’m a lot, and I’m proud of it. I’m learning and starting to believe that I deserve kindness, patience, respect and ultimately, the healing that comes with this level of self-commitment.
Rest and pleasure
I used to think that rest and pleasure were things I had to earn. Rewards for working too hard; things I could justify once I had met unrealistic goals that were always just out of reach. I’ll rest when I’ve worked long enough, when I’ve exercised hard enough, when I’ve met everyone else’s needs. I’ll enjoy a day of relaxing on the sofa or a delicious, comforting meal once I’ve exercised x amount of days in a row, when I’ve lost x amount of weight. I was wrong. I was listening to my harsh inner critic instead of what a human soul needs and deserves simply through being alive to enjoy it.
This year I’m recognising that I need and deserve rest, pleasure and joy wherever I can find it and I don’t have to justify it to anyone. Not even myself. These aren’t parts of life to be earned, they’re just life. And it’s high time I started living.
