BDSM Collars: Symbolism, Types and Collaring Ceremonies

Last Updated on 9 September, 2025 by Cara Sutra

For many in the kink and bondage scene, BDSM collars are an extremely important visual symbol of submission and ownership. Although bondage collars are also worn simply as a kinky accessory in a play scene, there are plenty of kinksters for whom wearing a BDSM collar signifies a deeper commitment between Dom and sub, Owner and slave, Top and bottom. Some may even take part in collaring ceremonies, a celebratory event which publicly or privately marks the commitment between Dom and sub in a similar way to the vanilla wedding rituals of marriage, and the giving and receiving of wedding rings on that day.

Let’s take a closer look at the importance of BDSM collars and what collaring ceremonies involve.

What Is A BDSM Collar?

BDSM collars, also known as bondage collars, are often made from traditional leather but can also be made from faux leather, neoprene or smooth polished metal.

Collars are worn as a band around the neck, with their main function being to symbolise submission either during a play session or over a longer term if the wearer is in a 24/7 lifestyle Dominant/submissive relationship.

Many collars feature one or more D or O-rings, to which bondage accessories such as a leading leash, nipple clamps via chain or bondage rope for body harnesses can be attached.

Looking for your perfect bondage collar? Check out all our reviews & shop here for yours.

The Symbolism of Bondage Collars

BDSM collars have a strong connotation of submission. The depth of submission signified by wearing a bondage collar will depend on the person’s unique relationship in the D/s scene; for example if the collar is worn only during kinky play sessions, or as a tangible sign of being owned within a lifestyle TPE (total power exchange) Owner/slave situation.

Like many BDSM-related issues, there isn’t one single way to understand the symbolism of a collar. Many submissives and slaves view wearing the collar as integral to their submission, feeling naked and lost when it isn’t fastened or locked around their neck. Others may view BDSM collars simply as scene accessories, with their submission being either unrelated to a tangible object or only felt strongly during dedicated power exchange sessions.

There are a couple of common facets of collar symbolism, for those who choose to wear one at all times in order to more intensely feel and openly display their submission. The deep commitment felt within a serious D/s relationship, and a physical statement of the collar-wearing person’s submissive identity.

Accepting the collar from a Dominant partner, choosing to wear it all the time and feeling a stronger connection because of it can be compared to wearing an engagement ring or wedding band in a vanilla romantic relationship.

What Does It Mean To Be ‘Collared’?

If you are ‘collared’, then you are owned or dominated by someone else, in the consensual BDSM meaning of those words. Not everyone decides to officially collar their submissive or become officially collared; again, there is no ‘one true way’ as with most other things BDSM-related.

Collaring between a Dominant and submissive is whatever sign of deep commitment feels right for you and your partner, your unique D/s bond and relationship. Some people choose to have a formal collaring ceremony (I’ll explain more about those in due course), some simply enjoy choosing the ‘right’ collar for them online, others set aside a special collar for play session use and wear only.

The important thing, as always, is to keep communication open and honest between Dominant and submissive. And that means both ways – not just from Dom to sub, but also that the submissive feels able to talk frankly to their Dominant about their needs and desires about collaring and anything else. Whether Dom or sub in your relationship, you may be wondering how to broach the subject of collaring. It can be as simple as asking the sub “will you wear my collar?” or the submissive intimating to the Dom their deep desire to wear a specific, meaningful collar during all sessions or even at all times throughout their life.

Collaring Ceremony

As mentioned at the outset, collaring ceremonies are the BDSM version of a traditional wedding. These events may be a public display of the power exchange bond between two kinksters, with many guests from the BDSM scene in attendance, or they may be a private affair for only the two people involved. For online-only relationships, a collaring ceremony may take place via phone call, video call or even typed out over an internet messenger service.

No matter what sort of collaring ceremony you feel is right for your D/s relationship, it should be regarded as a serious event which marks the deep commitment and bond unique to both of you. It is as significant in the BDSM scene as a wedding in vanilla life.

You may be wondering who ‘leads’ a collaring ceremony, as vanilla weddings are traditionally led by the registrar of the district, or a Christian vicar/other denomination minister if it’s a religious wedding. Just as vanilla weddings can be led by a celebrant, so too can BDSM collaring ceremonies. A collaring ceremony may not have legal standing as traditional vanilla weddings do, but this doesn’t lessen the sense of importance this event evokes between the Dom, sub and anyone present. You may choose to lead the ceremony yourself if you are the Dominant, or you might choose a friend from the BDSM scene – again, it’s totally up to you.

A typical collaring ceremony can take a course similar to a traditional wedding if that is what you both wish. You might pledge vows to each other, the event may be officially witnessed by close friends with their signatures added to written contracts also signed by the Dom and sub during the ceremony. At the point where rings would typically be exchanged during a wedding, you can place the collar around the submissive’s neck, as the pinnacle declaration of your ownership of them and their submission to you.

When the collar is placed around the submissive’s neck, the atmosphere is usually charged with emotion, a powerful moment which is intensely meaningful to all present. It stirs passion and reignites the deep sense of dedication between Dom and sub, and it’s a gloriously happy, positive moment. Guests and the involved parties alike may even be moved to tears, so bring tissues!

For more information and guides to collaring ceremonies, you might find the following links useful:

• Sample collaring ceremony
• Ceremony of the Roses
• Gorean ceremony

Wearing A Collar

BDSM submissives and slaves who wear a collar to display their commitment and submission to their Dom or Owner might choose to wear it only during specific power exchange sessions, or all the time in everyday life. You would be forgiven for thinking it’s impossible to wear a bondage collar 24/7 in vanilla life, but there are extremely discreet BDSM collars available which only signify the true meaning of intense submissive commitment to those in the know.

Finding the right collar for the submissive in your relationship is likely to take time and effort. Making sure your collar has the right balance of kink and discretion to be worn for all occasions, that it’s the right size, it’s comfortable and that it strikes the right tone to all who see it is a difficult combination to expect from one simple item.

If you mainly associate with other kinksters in your day-to-day life, you might choose a more obvious collar to be worn by the submissive in your relationship. It’s unlikely that you’ll never find yourself in the company of vanilla people though, and if the prospect of their questions or even gossip arising from their curiosity is worrying, you may wish to go for a discreet style. Most BDSMers who wear a collar as a symbol of their 24/7 ownership and submission opt for a discreet but still meaningful collar.

I absolutely love the metal styles from Eternity Collars, which are made from smooth, rounded titanium and can easily be mistaken for an unusual necklace by those in the vanilla world. Eternity Collars also provide a wonderful range of other collars and jewellery which may be more your style.

A larger style of metal collar is available from Kooky Kocks, which has a removable O-ring section to provide a simple metal band around the neck. This is unlikely to be comfortable enough to wear at all times though, such as while sleeping overnight, so I’d recommend looking at Eternity Collars or a slender leather choker strap style from other retailers.

Hot Octopuss have a fantastic selection of play session or lifestyle BDSM accessories, including bondage collars, as do Loving Joy.

• My Eternity Collars review with plenty of photos 
• My Kooky Kocks review – again, with plenty of photos
• Hot Octopuss reviews
• Loving Joy reviews

Collar Removal or Surrender

For whatever reason, practical or sad, there may come a time when the submissive’s collar needs to be removed. This may be a temporary removal, for comfort or medical reasons, or permanent such as at the end of the D/s relationship or when the relationship evolves into something different.

If collar-wearing was a central symbol of deep submission to the Dominant, and the Dom’s ownership of the submissive, surrender or permanent removal of the collar is a serious act. Threatening to take it off the submissive or, alternately, to remove it and hand it back to the Dom in the heat of an argument isn’t pleasant and shouldn’t be part of a healthy relationship. It’s manipulative, a huge red flag and can cause a major rift in the D/s bond going forwards.

However, if the removal/surrender of the collar is part of a natural end of a relationship, it can still be painful for both parties. The submissive may reach for it out of habit, then be reminded of the end of that part of their life, and so too the Dominant may look at the collar removed from the sub and suffer painful memories of what once was. Most relationship ends are difficult, even if mutually agreed, but the symbolism of the collar can make the end of a D/s relationship particularly sharp and painful.

Perhaps, though, the removal of the collar doesn’t signify the end of the relationship – just a change in the relationship going forwards. The submissive can of course at any time decide that they would rather not wear a collar all of the time, for whatever reason, and when discussed as part of a healthy D/s relationship with an understanding Dom, no issues should arise from this decision. Full and active consent to any part of a D/s relationship is, after all, mandatory at all times. It’s the one rule we must all abide by.

The Collar In Your BDSM Relationship

Do you wish you could be physically collared by your Dominant? Perhaps you are the Dom who wishes to add this outward symbol of the commitment and protective ownership you feel towards your submissive?

In many D/s relationships with power exchange at their core, the collar is an incredibly important item. It makes sense to take your time thinking about what purpose wearing a collar will serve in your particular relationship, when the collar will be worn, what sort of collar this will be and if you will have a collaring ceremony – and what style of ceremony is right for you.

Keep talking to your partner. It is impossible for them to know exactly what you’re thinking and feeling, and what you desire, unless you verbalise it. Over time, and with research and open communication, you’ll be in a position to make the right shared decisions for both Dominant and submissive with regards to the important symbolism & wearing of BDSM collars in your daily, kinky life.

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