Last Updated on 20 February, 2026 by Cara Sutra
After the severe social restrictions of the last couple of years, many people will be enjoying some tentative freedoms with regards meeting people in-person again. Dating is back! The term ‘dating’ is a bit vague – it could mean searching for a long-term partner or hooking up for some no-strings sex. How can you ensure healthy hook-ups and enjoy safe sex, though? Don’t worry, I’m not going to advise wearing masks (unless you’re both into them).
Don’t Feel Pressured To Have Sex
You are never obligated to have sex. Also, no-one ‘earns’ sex or ‘owes’ anyone sex. Or any type of physical contact/affection, come to that. No matter the setting, background, how many times you’ve met up or how that particular date is going. Active consent from both partners is a must, and “no” is a complete sentence. A sentence which demands the immediate cessation of sexual activity/requests, as well as the utmost respect.
Personal safety (physical, mental and emotional) should be the highest priority. This doesn’t just mean having safe sex if you do decide to have it (we’ll get to that), but saying no or otherwise communicating that you do not want to have physical contact/sex/to continue the date, if that’s how you feel.
Although the onus should be on all of us, as individuals, to treat others with respect and compassion, sadly we live in a world where we need to be prepared to protect ourselves in case we meet someone without these basic tenets of morality and humanity. Therefore, sensible actions before you meet either a stranger or someone you don’t know very well (even if you’ve met before) include:
- Meeting in a neutral, public place
- Letting a friend know where you’ll be and for roughly how long
- Making arrangements to be collected by a friend to transport you home
- Contacting a friend once you’re home safely after a date or hook-up
If You DO Have Sex, Do It Safely
So you’ve decided to have sex. FUCK YEAH.
Please remember that safe sex includes a physical barrier method of protection, such as a condom or dental dam (depending on the sexual activity you choose). Contraceptive pills only protect against pregnancy, not STIs.
Being pressured to ‘do it’ without a condom/other barrier? Utilise your strongest ‘nope’ and hightail it out of there. That person does not respect you, your body or your physical/mental safety. Unsafe sex puts you both at risk of sexually transmitted infections as well as unwanted pregnancies.
Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Sexual Health (& Embarrassment)
If at all possible, try to discuss attitudes towards safe sex as well as preferences before you’re actually naked in bed together. I understand that this is easier said than done; it’s hardly likely to be a case of, “so do you use condoms during sex or nah?” while taking another slice of pizza.
Most people keep in touch between face-to-face meet-ups using messaging services, such as Skype, Facebook Messenger or WhatsApp. As well as keeping the passion, excitement and intensity levels high between hook-ups, these present a great opportunity to get to know the other person better. It often feels easier to ask questions over text that might feel a little awkward out loud and in person.
Fans of dirty chat over text can also use that to get some insights into the other person’s attitudes and preferences. When describing a scene, pop in a mention of condoms and see if they react. The almost afterthought feel of “oh you’re not allergic to latex by the way, are you?” keeps things feeling light and doesn’t stop the flow. Get clever and find out what they’re into and what they’re really not into – do they have any kinks they’d be willing to share with you? Or maybe you’re ready to reveal yours?
Good sex etiquette means being thoroughly clean – and I do mean thoroughly. Dirty fingernails are so unattractive plus they can house bacteria which is easily spread, especially in a sexual situation. Make sure you’re absolutely clean from top (freshly washed & dried hair) to toe (non-stinky feet please, with trimmed, clean toenails). Focus on your intimate cleanliness as well -not just taking steps to confirm you’re infection-free, but 100% fresh.
Although some people find natural musk and a day’s perspiration quite alluring, it’s best to err on the side of caution with someone you don’t know very well. Wash thoroughly before each date, and use an anti-perspirant body deodorant.
This is all good advice whether you’re definitely open to sex during your hook-up, or it’s gonna remain an option. Even if sex is off the table for this meeting or the foreseeable, no-one enjoys spending time in the company of someone who looks or smells filthy, or doesn’t seem to care about their personal hygiene or appearance.
How To Protect Yourself During Sex (And I Mean All Types Of Sex)
Vaginal Sex
Sex isn’t limited to PiV (penis in vagina) sex, despite what decades of sex-related media would have us believe. That said, vaginal penetration (penis optional) is a type of sexual activity so…
Use a condom during penis in vagina sex. As previously mentioned, the contraceptive pill only prevents pregnancy, not sexually transmitted infections. Don’t have sex with someone who refuses to wear a barrier method of protection (and I’d add: leave with haste, without a backward glance).
Oral Sex
Some infections can be spread through oral sex as well as/rather than vaginally or anally. Therefore, if you’re not 100% sure of someone’s sexual health status, it’s important to use adequate barrier protection every time you engage in oral sex with them. No matter what sort of oral sex: penis, anal, vaginal.
Condoms can obviously be used with a penis, whereas dental dams are advised during vaginal and anal oral stimulation. The virus or bacteria which causes infections can be passed on via infected bodily fluids such as pre-cum, semen, blood or vaginal secretions. Infection can occur if these come into contact with sores, cuts, ulcers, throat cells, eye membranes or the genitals. These infections include herpes, gonorrhoea and syphilis.
Anal rimming is the licking or touching of a partner’s anus (external and/or internal) with the mouth and tongue. Despite a clean appearance, Hepatitis A is a bacterium which lives in the gut and is passed on through the ingestion of infected faeces. Using a dental dam to cover the anus/anal area means both parties can still enjoy the experience without the very real risk of contracting Hep A or other STIs.
Anal Sex
Again, it is very important that a barrier method of protection such as a condom is worn during anal sex to protect against sexually transmitted infections.
To prevent tears and injury to the delicate skin in the anus and rectum, always use a suitable sex lubricant which is condom friendly and kind to sensitive skin. Unlike the vagina, the anus isn’t self-lubricating so always ensure that you have plenty of anal lubricant close to hand for extra comfort.
Using Sex Toys Together
It can be easy to believe that using sex toys together with your date or fuck buddy is completely safe. However, it’s wise to be aware of some of the risks involved when using and particularly when sharing adult products.
The sex toy material matters. Some materials are porous, meaning that bacteria can remain in the non-visible pores of the toy even when you think it’s entirely clean. Non-porous sex toys are always preferable (these include silicone, metal and glass types) and solid styles without motors and other electronic parts can be boiled and left to cool before use to ensure they’re totally sterile.
There is still the issue of sharing sex toys between you to consider. Using a sterile sex toy just on yourself or just on your partner is one thing, but crossing between you is where the risk lies. Bodily fluids on the surface of the toy can be passed vaginally, anally and even orally, depending on your spontaneous sexy actions.
Even when using a sex toy just on yourself, never go from anal to vaginal or oral use. This can introduce potentially dangerous bacteria from the anus to the vagina or mouth and result in illness and infection.
Clean your sex toys after use and invest in an anti-bacterial sex toy cleaner.
Kissing Is Safe Though, Right?
Perhaps because kissing – even French kissing/snogging – is an activity which some people feel brave enough to engage in even in public, it can seem completely innocuous and safe. Maybe not so much these days after COVID-19, granted -but there is still a danger in thinking along these lines, while many countries move towards a pre-coronavirus social normality.
French kissing is a highly sensual act and is often a romantic aspect of foreplay and sex. Even this basic intimacy isn’t without its risks though (sorry). You can contract the herpes virus through cold sores -albeit usually a different strain of herpes (HSV-1) to the genital type (HSV-2).
Going back to general hygiene and etiquette: make sure you clean your teeth and tongue thoroughly before your date so your mouth is completely fresh and you’re not passing over extra bacteria during your passionate kisses.
Regular Sexual Health Screening
For the sexually active, regular sexual health checks are the only way to check you’re entirely STI-free. Getting checked regularly means you can rest assured of your clean sexual health status, and feel proud of it – and you’re keeping your current sex partners safe, too.
Protect yourself and your hook-up by getting a regular full check-up at a sexual health clinic like the GUM clinics (genitourinary medicine clinics). Not only do these clinics offer full sexual health checks, they can provide safe sex & contraception advice, as well as STI information and support if relevant. There is no need to feel judged or embarrassed, the medical professionals are there to help.
Where To Find Your Local GUM Or Sex Screening Clinic
More information about sexual health and safety, safe sex and free sexual health screening can be found at the NHS Choices website for UK citizens. In the US, the CDC website offers plenty of information and your local STI testing clinic via ZIP code look-up.
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