Cara Sutra Sex Blog

Sex advice, pleasure guides, erotic stories and intimacy insights - all in one place.

Welcome to my main blog hub on Cara Sutra. This is where my guides, personal essays, relationship reflections, sex advice, erotic fiction, kink-aware discussions and behind-the-scenes posts all live together, in date order. If you landed here from search and you are looking for real-world, sex positive writing that does not talk down to you, you are in the right place. This archive brings together decades of writing across sexuality, relationships, pleasure and personal experience, with hundreds of articles spanning sex, intimacy and real-life experience.

Sex Advice, Pleasure Guides and Real-Life Intimacy

This category gathers my non-review content across sexuality, confidence, communication and connection. Some posts are practical and straight to the point, others are personal and reflective, and some are sensual and story-led. The goal is the same: to help you explore pleasure and intimacy in a way that feels safe, informed, and actually doable in real life.

What You Can Expect From the Cara Sutra Blog

  • Practical sex advice and how-to guides you can use without needing a handbook and a spotlight
  • Pleasure education grounded in anatomy, consent and real experience, not judgement or performance
  • Intimacy and relationship insights - communication, desire shifts, libido wobbles, and everything in between
  • Kink-aware, consent-forward discussions that keep emotional safety in the frame
  • Sensual and erotic stories exploring fantasy, desire and emotional intimacy
  • Personal essays and honest life updates when the story behind the advice matters

Where To Start

Not sure what you are after yet? Here are a few simple ways to explore.

  • For practical help, look for guide-style posts with clear steps and takeaways
  • Personal essays and relationship reflections are a good place to begin when you want connection or reassurance
  • Curious about kink? Start with posts focused on consent, communication, power dynamics and emotional aftercare
  • Prefer to explore freely? Scroll and follow whatever catches your attention - there are plenty of rabbit holes here

My Approach

I write from lived experience, with warmth and straight talk, and I don't pretend sex is one-size-fits-all. Bodies vary. Histories vary. Energy, confidence, hormones, disability, stress, trauma, ageing, parenting, identity - it all shows up in intimacy, whether we want it to or not.

This blog focuses on the real version of sexuality, not the polished one.

Featured Topics

Browse sex advice, pleasure guides, erotic stories and relationship topics to jump straight to what interests you most.


Scroll down to read the latest posts from the Cara Sutra blog and discover new ideas, insights and intimate conversations.

Coronavirus & My Sex Life: How COVID-19 Killed My Libido

2020. Year of dashed hopes, ruined plans, social distancing, covered faces, stress and anxiety – plus a renewed appreciation for the NHS and all keyworkers. How did you spend the COVID-19 lockdown? Did you use the time to slow down, listen to your needs, learn a new language, reach your peak of physical fitness, begin a new hobby or craft? ...me neither. I don't know anyone who did, to be honest.

Water-Based Lubes Guide

Water-based lubes are sexual lubricants with a formulation that has water as its main or 'base' ingredient. There may be various other components to the formulation, but water is the main one. As well as a descriptor of the main ingredient of these lubricants, the label 'water-based' helps to quickly and easily differentiate them from the various other types of lubes: silicone, oil-based, hybrid etc.

Complete Guide To Sex Lubes

LUBE. What is it? Who uses it? What are the different types? What is it used for? How and why is it used? Welcome to my big guide to sex lubes!

The Periodic Table of Kink: Explore the Fetish Poster

The Periodic Table of Kink turns a huge world of BDSM ideas into a clear visual poster. Below I explain what it is, how it is organised, smart ways to use it for exploration and education, and where to buy it.

Complete List of BDSM Fetishes and Kinks

For those who would like a handy list of BDSM fetishes and kinks, I believe I've found a fantastic resource. The UberKinky Periodic Table of Kink provides an easy to understand, visual representation of the majority of the recognised BDSM activities.

STIs List & Sexually Transmitted Infections Symptoms Checker

There's just no way to discuss sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and make it sound sexy, but adult sex education is undoubtedly a necessity. If even the thought of having an STI makes you feel ill, then it's best to be in possession of all the facts so you can make sure you're sexually cleaner than a t-shirt at the end of a laundry detergent ad.

What Are SSC and RACK? BDSM Safety Principles Clearly Explained

What are SSC and RACK exactly, what are the main differences, how do they relate to general BDSM safety principles - and which one do you feel most comfortable with? Welcome to my easy understand guide to the two safety frameworks every kinkster needs to know. Don't get kinky before reading through and choosing whichever is correct for you!

Brave New Anti-Virus World

The Leader's voice reiterated the main points: there had been several deaths in one of the planet's medical research facilities. The deaths were at first thought to be of natural causes, but as time passed the authorities could no longer contain or deny the truth. An incredibly dangerous virus was on the loose. It was highly infectious. Expect major changes in your day-to day lives. Protect yourself and others. This is life or death. All inhabitants must abide by the new laws and restrictions. Effective immediately.

Sexual Foreplay Guide: Hot Pre-Sex Arousal Tips & Ideas

Brilliant sexual foreplay can mean the difference between a stagnant, monotonous sex life and keeping the spice and magic of a relationship alive. Are you stuck for ideas for fantastic before sex arousal and supremely arousing foreplay? Welcome to my comprehensive guide to lovers' arousal techniques: my sexual foreplay 101.

Safe Words and Traffic Lights: How to Say Stop in BDSM

Due to the exciting explorations of trust and vulnerability in kink play, the words "stop" or "no" don't necessarily mean what they usually would. They can be said as part of role play, or to enhance the atmosphere of the scenario. How can someone in the middle of a kink session unequivocally communicate that they need to stop proceedings at once? Welcome to my guide to saying stop when you really mean it in BDSM. 
Big guide to lesbian sex toys - best sex toys for lesbians

Lesbian Sex Toys Guide

Our heteronormative, phallocentric society loves to promote the myth that sex begins and ends with penis-in-vagina. That the only true definition of sex is thrusting a penis into a vagina which then ejaculates at some point, which signals the End Of The Sex. I'm here to tell you that such a view is wrong on so many levels.

Female Chastity and Orgasm Denial: Do Women Enjoy Locking Up Their Pleasure?

Female chastity is a BDSM topic very close to my Mistress heart, and one I've been thinking and writing about for well over a decade. I've covered male chastity at length over the years, written extensively about chastity cage reviews and keyholding, and explored just about every angle of locking a partner up. But the question I keep coming back to, and one I get asked often, is this: what about us? Does female chastity really exist as a kink in its own right, and how can women genuinely enjoy orgasm denial?

International Male Chastity Day: Date, Celebration and Devices

As a proud kinkster and huge fan of the chastity fetish in particular, it gives me great pleasure to share details of an official annual celebration of this highly erotic kink. International Male Chastity Day (also known as International Chastity Day) is celebrated on the 15th February* each year.

Bondage Toys Guide: Best Gear for Kinky Play

What can you use to restrain someone (or enjoy being restrained) in bondage? That's where bondage sex toys and bondage accessories come into their own. It helps having some background knowledge of just what's available in terms of bondage equipment, and why it's important to use items specifically designed for bondage rather than any old belt, strap or rope...

Spanking Toys Guide: Implements, Tools and Techniques

Does the mere thought of a raised Dominant hand, or a spanking toy whistling through the air, stir the tendrils of arousal? You might be wondering which spanking tools are best for effective corporal punishment. Welcome to my big spanking toys guide, in which you'll also find links to all our spanking toy reviews.

Bondage Beginner’s Guide: Safe, Sexy Rope Play Tips

Despite Fifty Shades of Grey helping to spotlight the joys of BDSM in the mainstream in recent years, plenty of people have been enjoying the physical, psychological and emotional liberation that the power exchange in D/s role-play offers. Due to the recent sharp rise in mainstream interest, I wanted to share my bondage top tips and advice in this beginner's guide to bondage today. Welcome to my complete bondage 101!

BDSM Beginner’s Guide: How Curious Minds Can Explore Safe, Kinky Fun

The enduring popularity of BDSM cannot be attributed in its entirety to the relatively recent appearance of Fifty Shades Of Grey, no matter how much the media would love for that to be the case. Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism are all power exchange activities, either including sex or entirely and deliberately absent of it, which have been practiced for centuries.

Kinky Punishment: Spanking, Whips, Crops and Canes

I'd like to talk a little more about why we love sexy corporal punishment here today, and how it really hits our spot. Perhaps this intimate revelation will prompt more people out there to accept spanking and similar as being just as 'acceptable' as 'regular' sex antics, instead of mentally filing such habits as perverted, deviant and downright weird.

ElectraStim Sex Toys Guide: How to Use Electrosex Safely

Welcome to this ElectraStim Sex Toys Guide, brought to you by Joanne’s Reviews, an expert in electroplay and a trusted voice in the community. Whether you’re new to electrosex or curious about trying these unique toys, Joanne shares clear, practical advice regarding how to enjoy electrosex toys safely and confidently.

Being Kink Compatible: How to Find BDSM Relationship Harmony

You crave nothing more than her largest strap-on wedged firmly up your ass. She, on the other hand,  insists you spend the day doing the dishes dressed in sissy frills and heels. However, you're not a sissy and she doesn't own any strap on harnesses. How could things have gone so wrong? It's time to talk about kink compatibility in BDSM relationships.