Last Updated on 31 March, 2026 by Cara Sutra
As many of you will know, I’ve been going through perimenopause since the start of 2022. Writing this perimenopause update in autumn 2024, it has been interesting to reflect on the journey so far and how starting the transition to menopause has changed my life. Not only because of the various medical interventions and HRT, but the changes I’ve decided to make in order become a happier, healthier woman as I grow older. My priorities have slowly but steadily shifted, and now as the end of 2024 rapidly approaches, I finally feel stable. Not just in my perimenopause journey, but also in my mental and my physical health. 2024 has been the year I fought back against the tricky beast of perimenopause, but the fight has taken a different form to my usual stubbornly defiant style of battle. I now understand why they call it the change; not just because of the physical changes imposed upon me, but because I have had to change how I live in the everyday, and the change has been both monumental and magnificent.
Previously: Read my Hello Perimeno post from 2023
A very brief timeline of events
2022 – the year it all started, and it was terrible
2023 – the year it continued, but got slightly better
2024 – the year it finally improved properly, and I fought back
Life Changes & New Priorities
I’ve made various changes to my life over the past 2-3 years, some to help make my perimenopause phase and symptoms more manageable, and others to work towards a happier, more balanced life. Perimeno has forced me to stop living life the way I was previously and reassess my priorities. I won’t say it’s been a ‘blessing in disguise’ as I don’t want to reduce the experience to some sort of toxic positivity soundbite. It has been a horrible struggle for the most part, a transition I would have chosen to avoid if I could, but of course as someone with a uterus that wasn’t physically possible. However, I am proud of not giving up on myself, my desire to live a good life, and the fight get the exact treatment to ease/improve my perimenopause symptoms.
Being forced to step back from the life I have been living for decades and take stock of my health, my priorities and how I will move forwards in life has resulted in many changes being made. What follows are the 8 changes that had a major impact:
1. I decided to go sober – and I’ve never been happier
The impact of relying on alcohol as an emotional crutch during the lowest points before getting on HRT for my perimenopause symptoms was devastating. I’d always liked a drink – not as an alcoholic, or drinking daily, but as a perceived treat at the end of the week. There were times I’d binge drink, but so does everyone, right? Yeah, it’s easy to justify heavy drinking when living in a booze-centric culture. When I reached the point in autumn 2022 where I was too depressed to care about anything, I wasn’t having a drink as a weekly treat, it was more like an almost daily crutch to blank out the mental turmoil. Intense hangovers were regular and had the knock-on effect of preventing me from being a good mother to my children, a decent partner to my husband and from fulfilling my daily obligations to my business in order to play my part paying towards the household bills.
After an even heavier period of drinking to ‘celebrate’ Christmas, I finally decided to call it quits in February 2023. It wasn’t a ‘trying to quit’ or ‘well I’ll just have an extended break and see how I feel’ thing, it was a ‘I’m completely done with this stupid fucking poison and I’m at a crossroads of my life here’ thing. It did honestly feel like I was in a ‘sliding doors’ moment; I could decide to carry on drinking and I’d end up as an actual alcoholic, on a fast track to an early grave, or I could ditch it completely right now and live happily and healthily.
Choosing to go sober for the rest of my life has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made, and I’m only sorry I didn’t do it sooner. It has changed me, changed my life, helped me get healthy inside and out (my skin is amazing these days), made me more productive in every aspect of life, helped me truly know mindfulness and feel more zen, and I’ve lost a major distraction that I mistakenly categorised as a treat but which I now realise was only holding me back in life. I now remember every single day and night with beautiful clarity, and never wake up with ‘the fear’. In addition, alcohol was only making my perimenopause symptoms worse!
I’ll be writing a dedicated article about my past relationship with alcohol and my journey through sobriety, so watch out for that coming soon to the blog.
2. I realised the importance of exercise (& the irrelevance of weight/size)
The importance of exercise in my life is something that I thought I understood previously, but it wasn’t at all what I’d thought. Before, I saw exercise as a factor – along with diet – which helped me reach weight and dress size goals. I walked, ran, cycled to reach these numeric targets, which I’d reach after a set number of months determinedly sticking with a punishing exercise regime. The diet and exercise routine would invariably be unsustainable, with unhealthy (and to be honest, miserable) calorific restriction alongside intense calorie-burns during my workouts.
Then I hit perimenopause, and lost my motivation, my determination and above all, my physical ability to exercise. Not only did I not care about my physical health because my mental health was so poor, but even if I did try to exercise, I’d be a hot flashing puddle of middle-aged goop after just a few minutes. I gave up.
Alongside my newly sober lifestyle, and reaching the right levels of HRT for me, I’ve not just been able to exercise regularly again, I’ve discovered the real importance of it in my life. The number on the scale and the number on my clothing tags is irrelevant. What’s important is doing my best to live an actually healthy life, physically and mentally, and that level of health isn’t proven or truly enjoyed by hitting temporary and numeric goals.
It’s simple, really. Exercise makes me feel good. That’s why I should exercise. That’s why it’s important in my life.
Exercising purely because of how it makes me feel, not to shrink myself or for short-term, unrealistic, non-sustainable goals, has been a revelation. The positive side-effects of improved heart health, lung capacity, physical flexibility & stamina, core and all-over body strength are just a welcome bonus.
Plus, I don’t need to get tipsy with booze to reach a high or feel celebratory; the psychological effects of a good workout are enough of a buzz! I get the adrenalin and endorphin rush during and after the workout, plus the ongoing positive mental impact from having a regular exercise routine which I keep flexible depending on my ability & enjoyment levels.
3. I welcome food as a friend, not the enemy
A natural consequence of relinquishing my conditioned view of the importance of my weight and dress size has been a change in my relationship with food. In the past I often viewed food as a necessary evil, the enemy, something to be viewed with suspicion and only partaken of with a hefty dose of guilt. Being aware of and berating myself for the calorie-content of everything consumed, whether I was attempting to restrict what I ate on any given day, or binge-eating unhealthy food like I wasn’t going to let myself eat properly for the next week. Because that would so often, sadly, be the case.
Perimenopause has forced me to face harsh truths about my body and my psyche. If it’s a fast track to a smaller body, it’s an even faster track to an unhealthy feeling one. Whether that’s a larger body or small but feeling like I may collapse with hunger at any moment. Health and size often have no correlation. What often does have a correlation, is mental health and physical health. I have had to gag decades of conditioning about food and weight and all that bullshit, and instead actually listen to what my human physiology wants and needs.
I have not only had to re-evaluate my daily relationship with food but also do the hard work of dismantling firmly entrenched myths that kept me controlled, feeling shame and guilt in relation to food, and ultimately severely unhealthy – psychologically as well as physically. I remain angry at diet culture which has invaded and taken up permanent residence in the subconscious of so many women, causing physical, mental and emotional damage.
Food is nourishment. Food is not the enemy. Every single person on this planet not only needs food but deserves food. Food is a basic right, but more than that. It’s a pleasure. Food isn’t out to get me, to trick me, to deceive its way into my body where it will make me ugly from the inside out; it’s simply food. It’s sustenance. Food has no moral value; it doesn’t matter if you’re eating poached salmon with spring greens or Big Mac & fries washed down with a McFlurry.
The beautiful thing about food is that not only does it taste fucking fantastic, you get to choose what sort of food you get to put into your body every single day. On top of that, you can research and learn how different foods can nourish and affect your body in various ways.
I have changed my views on food entirely, and my ongoing aim in life is about balance rather than eating only perceived ‘healthy’ food choices or just up to a certain calorie amount. I don’t have ‘guilty pleasures’ and I don’t have days where I’m ‘bad’ or ‘naughty’ regarding food – I simply make choices about what I’m going to eat. Sometimes that means a bowl of rice with chicken and vegetables, sometimes it’s an entire tub of pick ‘n mix candy. Balance!
4. I prioritise rest & restorative sleep
Sleep is another area of my life which I’d previously thought of as a necessary evil, without realising the importance and impact of it in every aspect my life. Good quality, restorative sleep helps keep my body healthy, my mind calm, helps me manage the everyday stresses of life as well as providing me with energy to live, work and exercise.
Good quality sleep and maintaining healthy sleep hygiene is an area of life I need to constantly maintain. It’s so easy to allow later and later bedtimes, but the alarm in the morning isn’t quite as forgiving, is it? I’ve been prescribed amitriptyline as part of my ongoing perimenopause treatment which helps me feel ready for bed by about 10pm every night. It’s certainly a huge help in that regard. But alongside the necessary medication, I have made little changes to my late evenings to help me get to sleep, to enjoy restful sleep and to make getting up in the mornings that bit easier.
As a rule – because none of these things are hard & fast daily rules, one of my new priorities is balance – I only drink coffee in the mornings. Perhaps one at 2-3pm latest, if I’m feeling exceptionally sleepy during the day. Caffeine later than this affects my sleep routine.
Similarly, with exercise; on days where I can work out, I try to complete this mid-morning or early afternoon latest so that I can be showered & changed, ready for a return to standard heart rate and body temperature before bed.
I switch off from work. No checking work emails on my phone in the evening. Another way I remove stress which could damage my sleep is to avoid the news, and social media, late at night. I’ve never hopped on to the BBC news app or Twitter in the evening and been glad of the experience. I find it a bit much to expect me to avoid using my phone – I’m an addict like most of you out there – so instead, I calm down by doing jigsaws on it. There are various jigsaw game apps, or if you prefer stacking blocks there’s Block Blast, or approximately three billion Match 3 games if they’re more your thing. Something which doesn’t involve the rest of the world and it’s terrifying, terrible news, its offensive opinions and its unsolicited advice.
While I’m completing my calm little jigsaw, I’ll have a calm cuppa. I was surprised to discover that I quite enjoy a herbal tea, whether that’s a berry infusion or a sleepy-time lavender or valerian type. I’m still not convinced by chamomile or green tea, and I’ll avoid ginger or citrus before bed as they have a more invigorating effect on me. Twinings and Pukka do some fab mixed boxes of individually wrapped teabags here in the UK.
I’ve recently discovered Bird & Blend and their teas are the absolute best I’ve ever had. I’m loving the 2024 Bird & Blend Advent Calendar right now!
5. I make myself a priority without guilt
Are there any mothers who don’t feel guilty daily? In the past, I mistakenly believed that to be the best parent to my family, I needed to constantly put them before my own needs – no matter the negative psychological or physical effects. And this belief spread into other relationships in my life too; saying ‘yes’ to social arrangements and work commitments regardless of whether I wanted to do those things or not, sometimes despite an active desire to avoid them.
There is a whole can of worms to be opened relating to whether this behaviour stems from being conditioned from a young age, specifically as a girl, into people-pleasing at all costs. The long accepted norms in society and expectations from women in particular are certainly felt very strongly by this Gen X woman raised by boomer parents. That topic, and my experiences relating to it, will likely result in a very long post to be written another day.
Over the past few years, due to my enforced introspection due to the onset of perimenopause, I have changed my attitude and behaviour in this regard. I now include myself on my list of top life priorities, and I don’t sacrifice my mental or physical health for anyone. Of course, I love my children, I love my husband, and I love my friends – I even love my job (most days!), which I feel grateful to be able to say. However, I can’t be the best mum, wife, friend or business owner if I am running on fumes. If I lack nourishment from good fuel, if I don’t find ways to replenish my energy, drive and motivation, if I struggle through the unhappiness of a life without any joys reserved for me alone.
6. I’ve discovered what self-care looks like for me
Self-care is all the rage in female-targeted retail, influencer reels and on life advice blogs. Self-care for women is so often purported to be made up of exactly the same facets which are supposed to appeal to everyone. This usually means approximately 6 expensive hours at a salon having every inch tweezed, polished, preened or massaged, followed by a deep bubble bath, a glass of wine, streaming a ‘relaxing sounds’ Spotify playlist in the background followed by stepping into fluffy pyjamas to watch a tear-jerker chick flick on Netflix while working your way through a box of chocolates. And hey, if that sounds amazing to you, go for it.
It has been interesting and revealing discovering what self-care means specifically to me. And that it isn’t the same for everyone. And that I’m not a lesser woman if I don’t get my hair professionally coiffured every 6 weeks precisely, if I don’t care whether I have this season’s gel nails, if I don’t bother to shape my eyebrows and if I don’t actually enjoy baths and find them overly hot and rather boring. Don’t get me started on society’s notion that all women must adore wine and boxes of chocolates.
What does self-care look like for me? Well it looks different depending on my needs and mood on any given day. Sometimes it will be arranging to spend longer completing a workout I particularly enjoy. Other days it might be scheduling some me-only-time reading a book, catching up on a TV series alone, listening to a podcast for a couple of hours, playing a PC game or other activities based around my own interests, with preferably no interruptions. Spending time enjoying my own company, recharging my life mojo and a break from always being somebody for somebody else.
I’ve discovered that actually, I’m a homebody. Despite enjoying infrequent social occasions, I love my little home and having a calm, stress-free environment. I enjoy working on becoming more mindful and zen through the little home-based things in life. The absolute simplest pleasures can bring a lot of joy; cooking myself a nutritious meal, making myself a huge cup of hot chocolate with a sprinkling of marshmallows, getting lost in a good book while the rain pitter-patters on a nearby window.
7. I practise daily gratitude
‘Practising gratitude’ is another concept which has recently gained traction online. Sometimes you hear a phrase so often, or see so many related insta-quotes, that the deeper meaning is lost. It would be easy to pay lip-service to practising gratitude, loudly commenting how revelatory and transformational it has been.
Although I include practising daily gratitude in this list of life changes that I’ve made since entering perimenopause, I don’t mean it in a superficial or self-aggrandising way. I don’t want to come across as some smarmy guru type, preaching about how wonderful life is for me, which I feel can often have a belittling effect on anyone dealing with life’s struggles. Which, I would venture, is most of us.
I simply mean that I have found it incredibly helpful to think about, say, three things every night when I get into bed that I’m grateful for. It can be as simple as an active recognition that I’m lucky I have a clean warm bed to get into, that I’ve had a lovely meal that day, and that not only have I been able to exercise, I have full mobility of my body. Knowing and understanding my privilege, too.
Personally, I have found that an active recognition of my blessings in life, be them perceived as large or small, has had a notable positive impact on my all-round mental health and outlook on life.
8. I forgive myself for fucking it up on a regular basis
If you’ve reached this point, well done. Ugh, all those positive and beneficial life changes – how sickening! Ooh, you’re just so damn fine and healthy these days, well whoop-de-doo for you.
Ehh, it’s not quite like that. Despite all the personal insights and the changes I’ve tried to implement in my daily life recently, I don’t do it perfectly – at all.
The final change – more like a realisation – is that not only do I frequently fuck it all up, it’s absolutely fine to do that. It’s normal, it’s human, it’s ok. To stop beating myself up if I get it wrong – whatever it is on any given day.
If I have a crap day, so what? I get to try for a better one tomorrow. My plans are thrown out due to illness, work/family commitments, or simply because I don’t have the mojo right now? That’s fine, I’ll pick it all up again when I feel able.
I’m working on not constantly comparing myself to other people. They have different lives, different backgrounds, different strengths and weaknesses, different bodies and different life priorities. There is only one me, and my overall aim is to be the happiest and healthiest version of me that I can be. And that goal isn’t some far-off shiny, glinting in the distance, one-time-only prize to win; the real prize is to live it in the everyday. An everyday which means living warts-and-all, down days as well as up days, fucking-it-up days, cannot-be-bothered-with-all-this-zen-shit days, let’s-try-again-tomorrow days…
This is a lifelong process and I’m a living work in progress.
