Using All Five Senses During Sex: Sight, Sound, Taste, Touch & Scent
Ever wondered how your senses might be connected to your sexuality? How can greater awareness of this connection lead to an enhanced enjoyment of erotic intimacy? In this comprehensive exploration by Jon Pressick from sexinwords.ca, you can look forward to finding out about using all five senses during sex. Sight, sound, taste, touch and scent*. Let’s get started!
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Sight To Behold: The Look Of Sex
Eye spy with my little eye, something that is…
Beautiful. Pretty. Sexy. Hot. Ravishing. Handsome. Alluring. Stunning.
Sight is the first sense we’ll be discussing in our examination into using all five senses during sex, as it’s the most dominantly referenced and most readily connective. How we visually encounter sex is a common thread across media and appearance. There are countless songs and literary passages detailing falling in love and lust the first time we see someone. Dating app usage is predominantly based on photos, ensuring users can get a good look at a potential playmate before actually connecting (and pity the fool who uses an old and misrepresentative picture in their profile!). For the most part, it is easy to believe that connecting visually is the primary meeting point and beginning of sexual engagement for most people.
However, when it comes to sexual imagery, be that in advertising, porn or even while actually enjoying sexy-times with another person, those identifying as men are widely believed to be far more visually stimulated than those who identify as women. So many products—both sexual and non-sexual—are marketed in a way to seemingly appeal to men or women along these supposed visual preferences. It is believed men want to see and enjoy more explicit images, more nudity (or perceived nudity) whereas women are believed to want softer, more sensual depictions of sex.
A shift in this perception is coming about. Dr. Justin Lehmiller, in replying to a reader’s question about the differences in male/female visual stimulation, suggests that this belief has more to do with sexual freedom and porn than it does our particular desires and tastes. And past experiments conducted with porn are central to his point because, regardless the influence of non-explicit media, porn is a dominating force when it comes to our visual ingest of sex.
Kate Sinclaire works in promoting the sexy, visual aspects of sex as the purveyor of Cherrystems and Ciné Sinclaire.
“For me, pleasure includes not only shots of crotches bumping together, but also the look in someone’s eyes, the anticipation, surprise, and unabated release that is a sexual experience caught on film.”
While some erotic and porn producers are firmly entrenched in the idea that shots of direct genital action are paramount to depicting sex—and for some people that is definitely what they want to see—Kate feels porn is evolving to include a wider scope in sight.
“I feel like this is the next step that the porn world is making – showing more than just a simple formula. Realizing that there are people that want to see different visual stimulus, and that those things are indeed appreciated – they’re just not usually available. Those elements are generally assumed to be extraneous and cut from the scene or never shot at all.“
This new formula, in connection with the changing ideals of women’s sexuality, emboldens a shift in our perspectives and appreciation of images of sex. We are starting to see a wider variety of people represented in both porn and mainstream sexual imagery. People of various ethnicities and people with disabilities are being represented as the sexy folks that they are truly are—not just as fetish or novelty objects as has so often been in the past. There is an abundant array of beautiful bodies to behold out there, more than our minds can even imagine.
Of course, imagination plays a key role in our appreciation of the visual elements of sex. While we certainly always remember our other sensual engagements, visual cues are a consistent reminder of what really got us going. We often play things back in our “mind’s eye” repeatedly when we’ve encountered a particularly sexy sight—and these memories are often the fodder for our erotic imagination.
At the same time though, new and refined technologies are allowing the “visual” to be seen in different ways. People who are visually impaired have long used braille to read, but over the past few years, new projects have re-imagined tactile reading into tactile visualization. Lisa J. Murphy created Tactile Mind, a picture book of sexual images raised up of the page to be enjoyed through touch. Swedish artist Nina Linde also brought some bawdy into braille by making a sexually stimulating picture book, Occasionally Blind, complete with braille text.
There are new advances in technology and pornography that are also revolutionizing how we see sex. With the growing popularity of VR, particularly with Oculus Quest, the sex industry has already investigated and invested much into this potential game-changer. One of the most aggressive groups heading into this future sex is lead by porn superstar Ela Darling and her team at VRTube.xxx. Their sexy 3D holograms will put your fantasy person right in front of your eyes and can be customized to ensure you see exactly what you want, need and desire.
It is hard to imagine any time when the sight of sex won’t be the dominant sexual stimulus. Whether you are admiring your lover’s body during a close and intimate moment, or catching sight of a sexy person across the street, visual connection is, for lack of a better term, the most ‘simple’ way to connect. Is seeing truly believing, when it comes to sex? Maybe, but remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder—as it should be.
Sound of Sex: The Sounds of Sexuality
Consider these scenarios:
Abdul walks into the room and Maria melts at the sight of his chiselled abs.
As LaTroy walks past, weaving his splendid self through the party, David can’t help but notice all of the other men also picking up his sexy scent.
Sook-Yin worked her mouth down Tara’s body, tasting every succulent inch.
When Steve reached out to touch Paulina and Mia, the sensation of their warm skin electrified his fingertips.
Each of these (somewhat cheesy) passages highlight a sensual, sexual reaction. Our core senses, our biological response to stimuli, inform a significant amount of our sexual energy, working in tandem with our fantasies, imagination and predilections to turn us on and get us ready for steamy action.
Of course, not everybody has the ability to experience every sense. This does not have to diminish their enjoyment of sex or lessen their sexual experience. It has been noted that in the absence of one sense, the others work to create an entirely different and delicious sensual connection. Actually, our senses often work in tandem to fully embrace a new attraction. If you are sighted and your eyes are covered, one of the other senses to shift into overdrive is hearing. When your eyes are shielded, you will become more aware of your lover’s movements, in ways you might not comprehend if you have free reign to view their activities. You could watch someone unzip the fly of their pants, but when your eyes are closed, you’ll be more likely to also hear it.
In this part of our journey through using all five senses during sex, we’re examining the sounds of sex.
Here’s another sexy scene:
Damien moaned loud and deep when Zack entered him, fulfilling their burning desire.
When we consider the sounds of sex, our aural sensations, more often than not people will imagine the moans and groans, the grunts and screams of sexual ecstasy. Our initial impulses and fantasies revolve around our experience with verbalization—these primal and instinctual sounds as well as dirty talk. Our use of verbal communication can be key to a mutually fulfilling sexual experience. Spoken words can ensure smooth negotiation and enthusiastic consent.
And certainly, erotic words and sexy sounds can augment and assure in a sexual situation, but there can be so much more to our sexual soundscapes. This intriguing Reddit thread of “What is your favorite sex sound?” reveals that people are into many different types of sounds sensations during sex. Slaps, squishes, slurps, breathing and beds banging as well as words and moans all get people off.
For some people, sound takes a backseat to other senses during sex, whereas others are acutely aware of how certain sounds turn them on. Perhaps the ripping of pantyhose or the slap of a hand on a bare ass. Maybe the squish of fingers entering a wet vagina or the squeak of bedsprings during a hard fuck. Concurrently or individually, these aural excitements can be significant sexual turn-ons or the complete opposite.
“When I have sex (not in a porno), I tend to keep my face very close to my partner’s,” reveals Christopher Zeischegg, who used to perform under the name Danny Wylde. “The changes in breath and the sort of non-verbal sounds people make are really hot to me.”
In this scenario, he notes that the words being spoken can also be hot, but it seems the intimate proximity and quiet seductiveness of whispered sound are appealing for him. But Christopher also points out that dead silence and the intimate squishing sounds do the complete opposite for him. As does overhead talking, whether on television or from another room. These sounds, as he describes it, “take him out of his head, quickly” and are distraction from their sexual adventure. “I only want to hear what’s going on with my partner(s).”
On the other hand, the sounds of sex can be completely voyeuristic—whether you want to hear them or not. On a hot, summer night, have you ever heard the drifting sounds of passion from a stranger’s open window and been completely aroused? Or had a neighbour’s bed bang against your bedroom wall at all hours, disturbing your sleep and making you a handful at work the next day? Of course, each of these could be super sexy or acutely annoying, depending on your mood and circumstances.
For some, the sounds of someone else’s sex are a crucial and key element to a sexual experiences, whether you’re just observing, playing with another person or just playing with yourself. If you get off on the sounds of others people having sex, porn is a great way to engage that fantasy.
Of course, there will always be sex sounds that aren’t outwardly appealing. Ever been with a partner who is overly loud… or conversely, someone who is so quiet you can only hear yourself? Does your boxspring squeak too much, but there’s no money to replace it? And there’s always the queefs, farts and belches that escape at entirely unfortunate times. None of these should be dealbreakers——they all happen, they’re all temporary. And of course, there’s always going to be someone who is into them!
As with all aspects of sex, our reaction to, appreciate of or dislike of certain sexual sounds is entirely individual and discriminating. But it is also dynamic and continually curious. Are there sounds you’re into that weren’t discussed here?
Taste Of Sex: Whet Your Appetite
Imagine yourself blindfolded and naked on a bed. Your arms and legs are stretched and you quiver in anticipation. What will happen? How will it happen?
You hear your lover come into the room and their weight presses down on the mattress. No words. No sound. You can feel their body shift and the bed move accordingly. Your mind races in when you feel a soft, hot breath against your skin. And then, as if lightning has just scorched your flesh, their tongue makes contact. And you are on fire.
There is something delightful about feeling someone’s tongue on your body. Whether it be a seductive lick of the neck, running along your lips in a deep kiss, trailing down your body or being buried in the delicious destination, our tongues play a major role in sexual excitement. While it may be easy to fall in love with what your lover does to you, think about what it is like to put your tongue to use lapping at your lover.
Taste is a significant, though understated, aspect of our sexuality -and the next topic we’re discussing during our foray into using all five senses during sex. Because our mouths are deeply-rooted in both giving and receiving pleasure, it is only natural that the tastes that enter our mouths are experiences—for the good and the bad. There are many different ways that taste can interact with your sex life making it one of the most versatile senses.
But let’s get the big one out of the way first. The taste that most people associate with sex. The load. The mouthful. The cum.
If you read across sex literature, fiction, non-fiction, research and the Internet, you’ll find a world divided when it comes to sexual fluids—be it semen, vaginal or other sexual secretions. Some people love it, some people hate it. It isn’t so often you’ll hear someone be wishy-washy on the subject. Seminal fluid gets a much worse rap than vaginal lubrication though. Long a popular subject of jokes, for many the idea of drinking a sperm-infused cocktail isn’t an appealing on. Ask around and you’ll get more “spits” than “swallows” in a group setting. Many people are fine with performing oral sex on a penis, they just don’t want what comes out of it. As an acquaintance who chooses to be identified as “Betty” relates: “I’d rather chew on my own sock than have someone cum in my mouth.” Wow. Harsh.
Vaginal secretions do not get anywhere near as much hate… but that may be because we don’t really talk about them all that much. Where pussy juice gets the drama is in relation to supposed odour, with many very unkind analogies made to fish. Maybe it is because vaginal secretions’ presence is less pronounced, and less all in one moment. A nice slow trickle of savoury is far easier to handle than a carnal pinata of cock juice.
Because of the backlash against the taste of our liquids, one of the Holy Grails of sexual desire is to change the way we taste, because, unfortunately, we often don’t taste like our partners would really want us to.
Therefore, much dedication and hard work has been put into figuring how we can change our diets to make our juices more enjoyable. The conventional wisdom for those spurting semen is to increase citrus, bananas, papayas, spices (including cinnamon, nutmeg and peppermint), parsley, wheatgrass and celery. And for those who leak between their labia, the best options are pineapple, kiwi, blueberries, mango, green tea, cucumber and parsley. It is universally recommended that everyone avoid smoking, drinking alcohol and coffee (which might ensure you’re too grumpy for anyone to go down on you).
All of that said, there are some folks who definitely love to devour our sexual discharges. Some people really love cum from anyone. In fact, check out the guides Natural Harvest and Semenology. A cookbook and bartending guide respectively, they are the work of Paul “Fotie” Photenhauer who has been providing enlightenment on the enjoyment of eating cum for years. You can pair such drinks as a Galliano Cum Shot and a Macho Mojito with a Chocolate Cream Eclair or a Strawberry Splasharita.
If those concoctions don’t sound like the recipe for lovin’ to you, perhaps you want to try more conventional foods to spice up the taste of your tenderness. It is debatable what people enjoy more: sex or food. I’ve put this question to friends and lovers over the years and while the number skew slightly more toward food, it is still a close race. Given how much people do enjoy both, it is only natural that we would want to combine the two in a sensual overload.
Imagine licking champagne off your lover’s breasts. Sucking whipped cream off your partner’s cock. There are countless ways to include the taste of your favourite sweet or savoury flavour with your partner’s skin in a hedonistic buffet. Dr. Trina Read of VivaXO notes that many people have such a strong connection to food, that combining that sensation with sex is natural. “There is a segment of society where their touch point of libido is food. Food triggers arousal.”
In a primal sense, we’ve learned to not put things in our mouths that don’t taste good. Some might argue that this is evolution—a species can’t continue if baby-making seed is gobbled up all the time. Fortunately, the human species is not in a position to worry when it comes to population… so if it tastes good to you, have a taste of that rainbow.
Touch in Sex: Importance of Feel in Sexuality
It is often said that that our brains are our biggest sex organs. Well, surely this is true in a more figurative sense, because it isn’t literally true. Indeed, we’re not supposed to think of our genitals as being primary in the sexual realm either; we readily forget that the actual largest organ of the body is the skin. Our outer layer. The soft and sensitive flesh that pulls so many sexual feelings and encounters into our souls by way of touch.
Of all of our senses, touch seems the most explicitly linked to sex and sexual activity. Really, it almost seems a tautology to say the phrase “sexual touch”. All of our sex education—formal or otherwise—prepares us for the good and the bad, the thrilling and the painful, the awesome and the awful tactile feelings and sensations we will experience with sex. Or, more specifically, sex with someone else.
That’s the crux. Sex and touch are indelibly linked when we conceive of them being linked by our own physical connection to another person. Lip to ear. Tongue to nipple. Fingers to clit. Penis to vagina and every other combination of body part to body part people find pleasurable. How our skin reacts to each of these parts, as well as the added tangibles of warmth and cold, hard and soft, rough or smooth, strong or gentle creates a unique sensation felt through our nervous system and ultimately recognized as sexy, not sexy or somewhere-in-between-let’s-see-if-I-can-get-into-it.
Curiously though, it is rare that our first explorations of the sexuality of touch are actually with another person. Touching ourselves, not a partner, is more likely to be the first steps we take when we let our fingers do the walking. Unfortunately, masturbation has gotten a bad reputation.
“Sex is supposed to be something that you do with someone else, traditionally for sacred purposes such as procreation.” suggests Carlyle Jansen, proprietor of renowned sex shop Good for Her and author of Sex Yourself: The Woman’s Guide to Mastering Masturbation and Achieving Powerful Orgasms.
She notes that this traditional view of self touch focuses heavily on the perception that touching yourself is “a selfish act” and that people could be filling their time in more fulfilling ways. Unfortunately, this belief nullifies an extremely influential reason of why people have sex of any sort, or frankly, why we pursue other enjoyable activities that involve touch: personal pleasure. Touching ourselves, in the ways we have grown up knowing works best and that makes us feel fantastic is a basic carnal impulse.
At the same time, touching ourselves is not exclusively limited to simply pleasure. Rather, our own caress can provide numerous benefits. Jansen lists the following as other great ways self touch can be beneficial:
- Masturbation can be relaxing and stress-relieving: “Masturbation is a great way to release tension, go to sleep or have sex when a partner is not interested or available in the moment.”
- Self love maintains your sexual health “can keep the orgasmic pathways well-lubed. If you go without sex for a long time it is sometimes a little hard to get it to go again and in particular to orgasm.”
- Touching yourself with someone else is exciting: “Masturbation can be a fun way to play together- eg. give a lap-dance or striptease without the watching partner allowed to touch, some find it very erotic to watch their partner pleasure themselves, you can have phone/Skype sex across the world or across the room. “
As we learn and experience and grow comfortable with various types of touch that is pleasing, some of us come to understand that other types of touch are desired. While it may seem incongruous with societal expectations, there are growing numbers of folks who are more inclined to enjoy a sharp spank over a soothing stroke.
Exploring BDSM has opened many people’s eyes to the entirely different tactile sensations offered through activities usually considered violent. Slaps, scratches, punches, bondage may initially invoke feelings and images of despair, degradation and attack. But when they are administered in a controlled, consensual and agreed upon manner, these forms of touch different but still strong nervous reaction in the body that can be wonderfully sexually satisfying to some.
Sandra LaMorgese, PhD, did not have extensive experience in BDSM, but the former holistic health practitioner tells in her book Switch: Time for a Change that her move into that world by becoming a professional dominatrix revealed much about her clients’ needs and how painful touch can be such an attraction.
“Although sessions do not have to be painful or extreme to bring about physical, mental and spiritual benefits,” LaMorgese notes, “clients do find pleasure inside pain.”
That’s the thing. What happens on the outside of our bodies does not necessarily reflect the inner workings of our complex corporeal forms and how some systems work in very similar ways.
“For example, during intense Corporal Beatings (caning) or Trampling (walking or jumping on a client) sessions,” Sandra LaMorgese continues, “my clients often experience a release of dopamine and serotonin, the brain’s feel-good neurotransmitters. These two chemicals are associated with feelings of happiness, tranquillity, joy, self-confidence, emotional well-being, and motivation.
Why does this happen, though? For many people, it’s just a relief not to be the one in charge. Having a powerful person demanding your obedience fills a need that we all have to be vulnerable followers sometimes.”
When it comes to painful touch, all of the physical, emotional and psychological aspects come into play to create a sensation that feels ‘good’. Of course, just as with gentle touch, not every type of painful touch feels good to every person. Really, this applies to touch of every sort. Some people adore being tickled, others are revolted by the thought. Some people enjoy their hair being pulled, others recoil in fear. This all speaks as much to our individual sexual touch needs as it does our general personal touch needs.
So, whether you’re into soft and sensual or hard and heavy, there are many different ways to enjoy the caress of skin on our body or another’s. The sexuality of touch can happen across our skin and many different areas are ripe for sexual adventure. The next time you want to explore using all five senses during sex and decide to try something new… why not touch somewhere new?
Scent & Sexuality: A Rose By Any Other Name
Have you ever noticed the faintest scent, a passing aroma? Perhaps in a crowded street, amongst strangers. Or maybe alone, in your home? Did that distinct smell bring about memories of passion or inflame distinct desire?
“Her scent
on the sheets
slowly fading
like the last notes
of your favourite song
drifting into silence;
a ghost of absence
haunting the room”
“I emitted some civet-like female stink, a distinct perfume of sexual wanting, that he had followed to find me here in the dark.”
― Janet Fitch, White Oleander
Welcome to our exploration of scent, as we discuss using all five senses during sex.
Smells inform so much of our daily lives, from the delightful aroma of brewed coffee first thing in the morning to a dewy summer’s eve at night. We delight in certain scents, like the top of a baby’s head and a garden full of roses. At the same time, we recoil at unpleasant odours such as rotting garbage and dead fish. While there are certain universal scents that bring joy, there are just as many that folks always hate.
This dichotomy definitely extends to sex… or so you might think. Scent is an integral part of both sexual attraction and sexual activity. While we are surrounded by a plethora of smells, those aromas particular to sex and our desires for certain people are entirely unique in our noses. Think about perfume and perspiration, cologne and cum. Strike up a conversation in room full of people and you’ll likely be surprised by what people enjoy, handle and dislike the scent of, when it comes to sex.
Before we take a deep breath of those smells we actively enjoy and desire, let’s remember that our sexual wants are sometimes influenced on a more biological level. It is believed humans excrete—as with many other animals, plants and insects—chemicals called pheromones. These undetectable scents are believed to indicate to potential sexual partners your interest. Pheromones are used for many different things in creatures big and small, from scent lines leading to food to babies finding their mother’s breasts. But there has never been definite proof that these pheromones play a significant role in sexual desire in humans. Cologne and perfume manufacturers really want us to think there is a connection, but the evidence just isn’t clear yet.
“Smell preferences are wildly varied,” notes Jerome Stuart Nichols of LTASEX.
“Although, natural smells tend to be most desirable—there’s something complex, intoxicating, familiar, and consistent about them. Artificial smells may often be close enough or smell nice but they rarely intoxicate the mind and soul the way natural scents can.”
Of course, natural smells can take many forms—some desirable, some not-so-much. Many different scents from our environments can bring about an aromatic aphrodisiac effect for some people. Some of the most popular are lavender, vanilla, and the ocean. These are the types of sensual scents—floral pureness, earthiness and freshness that we most commonly associate with sexual attraction as captured by countless romance novels.
However, our connection to natural scent is much closer to home than traipsing through the garden or strolling by the sea. While some people spend an exceptional amount of time, energy and money trying to cover up our natural smells, it could be this projection out into potential partners’ noses that might attract someone else to your body.
Sweat, musk, perspiration, body odour—call it what you will, but our obvious, personal smells are one of the key points of attraction. They can either make you completely delectable or entirely disgusting. And you just might be surprised to learn that our natural scents are more desired than you think.
On the most basic level, people associate our bodies’ sensual scents with passion. You may work up a sweat through hard work, but that labour can also denote dedication, intensity and power. Again, while it is as yet unproven, pheromones could be at play here. A strong, but pleasing, natural smell is also connected to health. A person who partakes in balanced diet with plenty of water and exercise will smell ‘cleaner’. Detecting that aroma can (at a biological level) attract you to someone deemed healthy, fit, and potentially, a better sex partner and/or mate.
At the same time, there are those who seek out and desire strong odours for sexual pleasure. And not just strong, but some scents that some would deem awful. Pungent feet and putrid armpits top the list of smell fetishes that get some folks all worked up into a titillated tizzy. Often these desires are linked to the body part or object associated with the fetish, such as shoes and feet. In fact, there is a healthy trade in selling worn socks and worn underwear that have captured that particular scent. The item can be sealed in a plastic bag and shipped to the customer. And that person can open and sniff to their lusty libido’s delight.
But attraction to aroma is not always as basic as direct contact. Sometimes our desires are connected to past events or situations, and those smells have left an indelible imprint on our sexual response system.
“Any preference for strong smells is brought about by a linking of that smell to an emotion and feeling – usually through repeat exposure,” explains Jerome.
“Take for example the scent haduken of a men’s locker room. I hate the smell but as a young gay kid, I was smelling that while getting to see other boy’s bodies. I was swimming in that smell when I was also erotising the male form in my most formative years. So, while I hate the smell, it makes me feel excited. So, I like that smell and anything similar. Genetics and upbringing come into play but generally, experiencing happy or positive emotions while smelling anything will result in a preference for that smell and intensity.”
As with all things relating to sex, scent is definitely one of those experiences that is unique to each person. There is no definitive aroma that universally binds us in appreciation. Our sexual emissions are even debatable. You’d think everyone would love the smell of cum—both female and male—to reinforce our drive to procreate. But opinions on the smells emitted from our genitals are just as divisive as any other smells you’ll encounter. Some people love the smell of spermy ejaculate and lubrication while others are completely averse to them. Spunk most often is compared to bleach, but vaginal secretions get called much worse. Even if you don’t like it, let’s drop the fish comparisons, okay?
In the collection of human senses, smell just might be the most under appreciated. Sure, lots of people try hard to smell sexy, but more and more we’re learning that natural aromas are awesome. Sure, a perfume or cologne might get you noticed, but too much of those odours will interfere with the scent of coffee the next morning…
– Jon Pressick
I hope you’ve enjoyed this deep dive exploration into using all five senses during sex & sensuality.
*Although there is widespread agreement these days that there are more than just 5 human senses, in this feature we’re focusing on the 5 well-known ones in relation to sex & sexuality.
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