Before I was contacted by Holzdildo to review some of their toys, I was only aware of two wooden dildo makers, NobEssence and DeeLeeDoo. I owned only one wooden dildo, which is the DeeLeeDoo dildo I reviewed here. Holzdildo approached me asking if I’d like to review some of their wooden dildos and should I agree, that I certainly would have my wish come true – that the wooden dildo I already owned wouldn’t be my last.
I agreed, curious about these wooden dildos – and Holzdildo then sent not one but four different wooden sex toys free of charge for me to test and review.
Presentation and first impressions
The Holzdildo products usually get sent in a wooden lidded box with a golden colour clasp, similar to a jewellery box. As I received these toys for review purposes, Holzdildo had let me know that one would be in the usual box while the others were wrapped well in thick paper. Everything came very well protected in a discreet box. Delivery was fast and the transit/delivery service was very professional.
What did surprise me that the products are not dildos are all but rather they are wooden objects with a vibrator within, making them wooden vibrators. I expect that the wooden sheath is first made then permanently affixed over a vibrating bullet or somesuch placed in the hollow made for it. Two of the wooden vibrators have a diamanté studded, twist base style vibrating operation (seems like a standard Diamond Dazzler vibrator or somesuch), the other two have what is clearly a Fifty Shades of Grey bullet vibrator inside. The end caps of all four vibrating bullets/vibrators are left external to the main product, so that you can remove the cap and insert batteries when required – although the rest of the vibrating toy doesn’t come out from the wooden sheath.
All the Holzdildo wooden vibrators I received came with batteries included, although I cannot say that this is standard or whether I was privileged to receive mine with batteries for the purposes of the reviews.
The diamanté decorated base rim vibrators take two AA batteries within a slide out compartment, the other two (with the 50 Shades bullet vibrators) take one AAA battery each, placed simply into the space provided for it. You can read my Fifty Shades of Grey bullet vibrator review here.
I have the larger size vibrators, the Holzdildo wooden toys also come in a smaller width if you so wish. The vibrators are manufactured with a uniform length of 210mm but have two sizes of diameter – medium size is 37mm and large size is 42mm.
Andreas is the phallic style wooden vibrator with a diamond dazzler base. The vibrations are controlled with a twist base operation, meaning that you have a choice of speed. The base of the vibrator which has been permanently placed within the outer wooden sheath states that it’s waterproof, but I immediately felt uneasy using this vibe in the bath or shower as I wasn’t sure about how waterproof the wooden area where it joins to the vibrator is. I didn’t want to get water inside the casing and have the toy rot away or at least suffer some damage. As it turns out, I was correct in this regard – as you will find out.
My Andreas is made with Maple and Zebrano wood. Andreas is 8 inches in overall length with a maximum insertion length of 7 inches. It has a maximum circumference of 5.25 inches.
Alfons is the wide, slightly rippled shaft wooden vibrator with the diamond dazzler base. This product is also 8 inches in overall length, with an insertable length of 7 inches max and a max circumference of 5.25 inches. My Alfons is made with Maple and Plum woods.
As with Andreas, I felt uneasy using this in the bath or shower, or fully submerging this vibrator. This is because I knew the internal vibrator had been fixed to the inside of the wooden sheath and I wasn’t sure how waterproof this area actually is.
After some research with Holzdildo it turns out that as I suspected, the wooden products are not waterproof. They are ‘best cleaned with a damp cloth’. So no submerging or using in the bath or shower. Turns out my instinct was correct – despite the ‘waterproof’ claim on the base of the diamante embellished vibrators.
Theodor is a curvaceous vibrator, and mine is made with Maple and Nut woods. This vibe is slender at the base of the shaft, widening to a girthy middle then finishing with a rounded, slim tip. I measure my Theodor at 8 inches overall length, with a max insertable length of 7 inches and a maximum circumference around the middle of 5.5 inches.
Theodor has the 50 Shades of Grey bullet vibrator permanently placed inside. This vibrator has one speed which is controlled with a push button operation.
Willibald is reminiscent of anal beads, although I wouldn’t advise using this vibrator anally in case any scents permanently remain in the material. There isn’t the flared base required for anal sex toys either, although the base is quite wide with a maximum circumference of the bottom bead of 5.1 inches.
My Willibald is made with Pear wood and I measure it at 8 inches overall length with a maximum insertable length of 7 inches. The bottom bead as I say is 5.1 inches circumference and the top, most slender beaded area is 3.25 inches circumference. They graduate in size down the shaft. Due to the style of this vibrator, it needs very careful and thorough cleaning between uses – I would advise an old nail brush or toothbrush used exclusively for this purpose.
Willibald also has the 50 Shades of Grey bullet vibrator permanently placed inside to add vibrations to the product. The one speed vibration is operated with a simple push button control on the base.
Unfortunately I found that the addition of vibration in these dildos actually detracted from what is a beautifully crafted product in each case. The vibrations are muffled due to the internal vibrators being under the wooden surface. The vibrations from the diamanté style vibes are felt more strongly, probably because it’s a larger vibrator within. The vibrations from the 50 Shades of Grey bullet vibrator are almost entirely lost, probably because this vibrator barely comes half way up the middle of the product – as shown. The image shows my own 50 Shades of Grey bullet vibrator laying between the Holzdildo products with the 50 Shades bullet permanently placed within.
Being unable to submerge the Holzdildo sex toys is also a disadvantage. I want to be able to clean my sex toys between uses without worry, and feel that they are cleaned completely – not that I just need to wipe them down with a damp cloth. I would also like the option of using them in the bath or shower if I so choose – but this isn’t a necessity.
The Holzdildo toys work well with water based lubricant, in fact only a dot is required and the wooden varnished surface is a brilliant conduit for the lubricant against and within your skin. I don’t use any other lubricant with them, firstly as I am not sure of any contraindications and secondly because the water based lubricant makes them slippery enough.
The shapes of the Holzdildo sex toys are fantastic. Sizeable, girthy and stimulating. If you’re after a fulfilling, satisfying penetrative object then you will love this aspect of them. With 7 inches insertable and over 5 inches circumference of these larger size toys, I definitely didn’t feel I was missing out in this regard.
My favourite shapes of the products I received are the Andrea penis tip style vibe and the Willibald graduated beaded style.
I much prefer to use my Holzdildo wooden sex toys without the vibrating aspect and if possible I would remove the vibrators from within and replace this part with a completely sealed (non-porous) handle area. Speaking of non-porous it would seem from Holzdildo’s site that the wooden products they make are non-porous but I am unable to confirm this 100%. There is a varnish applied so as long as this remains unbroken and undamaged I would be pushed to say that they are non-porous in this state but like I say I can’t confirm this for definite.
Holzdildo explain that the surface of their wooden sex toys are safe to use, being repeatedly sanded and then sealed with a water based varnish which is suitable for use with children’s toys. It meets the requirements according to DIN 53160 and ÖNORM S1555 regulations. I am not sure what these regulations are, to be honest. Holzdildo confirm that the surface will not become rough or splintered even with frequent use and careful cleaning. Cleaning should be done with a damp cloth and to ensure complete removal of bacteria between uses they advise the use of an anti bacterial sex toy cleaner.
I have carefully cleaned my Holzdildo wooden sex toys between uses several times now and see no discolouration or damage to the surface. As I have already mentioned, these products are not suitable for full submersion in water or to be used in the bath or shower. This does limit their use considerably, and care must be taken during cleaning. I also mentioned using a nail or toothbrush on the beaded vibrator to be sure it’s absolutely clean, but even this must be done with care so that no damage is done to the wooden surface, to break the varnish coating or similar.
There is a standard pricing scheme for the Holzdildo wooden sex toys.
Mellitus, Theodor and Willibald are Eur 89.90 for the medium width and Eur 92.90 for the larger width.
All the other products are Eur 94.90 for the medium width and Eur 97.90 for the larger width.
Overall, the Holzdildo wooden sex toys are undoubtedly beautifully crafted products which will appeal to the sex toy shopper on the look out for the more artistic and aesthetically pleasing item to add to their collection or give as a gift. With a few tweaks I feel that I could give these sex toys a more hearty recommendation. I would remove the vibrators from within as I feel they are unnecessary, the look doesn’t gel well with the rest of the wooden, crafted object and I am not sure of the legalities of using an official 50 Shades of Grey sex toy in another item for sale in the market – nor of the other vibrators stating waterproof when the object as a whole isn’t.
I would be clearer on such points as how waterproof and/or porous the items are, as well as which lubricants can safely be used with these sex toys. They also come in a standard length, which may be too large for those seeking a more petite toy – although there is a choice of circumference.
Testing out the checkout on Holzdildo indicated that there was free shipping, even though my address is in the UK and they are in Austria. If this is not the case then please let me know and I will update accordingly.
Due to the issues I have with the internal vibrators and other features I don’t feel that the Holzdildo toys are my favourite wooden dildos and attention needs to be given where I have stated for them to receive full marks. If you would like to give them a try, you can buy the Holzdildo wooden sex toys here from Eur 89.90 which converts to approximately £71 at today’s rates.
All of the above statements and discussion are my own opinion and based on my own experiences; please note that your mileage may vary. These products were sent to me free of charge for the specific purposes of a fair and honest review.