My Spice Box Starter Kit – Sex Toy Subscription Box Review
By Pleasure Panel reviewer Scarlett Reviews
My Spice Box Starter Kit for £84.99 (reduced from £99.00) from www.myspicebox.co.uk.
About the store:
MySpiceBox has changed its website design significantly since my last review and now describes itself as ‘the most creative way to spice up your relationship’ and offers ‘a fabulous monthly subscription with exclusive erotic experiences to enjoy sex like never before’. It basically sends subscribers a monthly parcel of ‘sex toys and sexy items’ and aims to help couples enjoy and explore fun sex.
A welcome new addition is the 30 day money back guarantee if you don’t like the spice box received. Also good to see is much more information about the actual boxes and their contents including some lovely glossy photographs. I was disappointed to find there are still plenty of typos and grammatical errors on the website though such as a section entitled ‘How does the parcel look like?’
Shipping and Packaging:
As a one-time order, MySpiceBox charges £9.00 delivery for a large box and promises to dispatch orders within 3-7 days with the industry standard discreet packaging. My Spice Box Starter Kit was sent by a third party and not direct form the seller so I feel it would be unfair for me to comment on quality of the shipping and packaging.
On opening the package, the My Spice Box Starter Kit box itself was a thing of beauty. Much larger than I’d expected it was black and mysterious but sturdily made. The items contained within lay on shredded red paper which was fine but some type of fabric might have been more luxurious and impressive.
So what’s included in the My Spice Box Starter Kit? Well to be honest, an awful lot! I excitedly started rummaging through and unpacking contents and was surprised that the items just kept on coming!
My Spice Box Starter Kit included the following:
- Eight erotic recipes including ‘Warm Up, Steamy and Spicy’
- Three Spice Cards
- Card Case to store the spice cards
- Gift Box to collect recipe cards
- Sex and Mischief Satin Black Blindfold
- Sex and Mischief Black Feather Tickler
- A 250ml bottle of Shunga Sparkling Strawberry Wine Erotic Massage Oil (different to advertised Vanilla)
- Sex and Mischief Black Faux Leather Flogger
- Earthly Body Edible Massage Heart Candle (with spoon)
- Fetish Fantasy Metal Handcuffs
- Slim Smoke Teardrop Bullet
- Leg Avenue Nylon Fishnet Tights (I’m not American, My Spice Box isn’t American and calling them pantyhose doesn’t make them sexy)
- Slide Intimate Sexual Lubricant
- Screaming O Ringo x 3
- You and Me – a game of love and intimacy
- Four pack of AAA size batteries
That’s a very impressive list at first glance but on closer inspection I realised I was being offered quantity rather than quality. So let’s have a closer look at each of these items…
The first thing I found was a ‘Welcome to your spice box card’ (although not actually printed on card but very thin albeit glossy paper) which claimed ‘you are one step away from spicing up your sex life. Flip this card to find out’. My sex life is pretty spicy already so I was intrigued to find out what this kit could actually offer me and aware that I may not be its ideal target audience. Turn the card over and you’re promised to receive Spice Boxes over the coming months that will ‘help you and your partner to explore your sexuality. You’ll become creative, learn new techniques and have loads of fun enjoying one another like never before’. Now even more excited I couldn’t wait to start exploring the goodies inside.
Unfortunately further exploration left me concluding that the My Spice Box Starter Kit is clearly aimed at the unimaginative, sexually inept and/or inexperienced. There was nothing contained within that I haven’t already had or used and nothing that I would consider remotely imaginative or creative. Still, I tried to keep an open mind and figured if not anything new as experience goes, at least it may lead to some fun and a good few orgasms!
Eight erotic recipes including ‘Warm Up, Steamy and Spicy’
The ‘erotic recipes’ came in a black Gift Box that turned out to be one of the best quality items in the My Spice Box Starter Kit. The recipe cards themselves were quite large (almost A5), glossy on one side only but not consistently the same side which struck me as slightly odd. The cards were numbered, labelled as ‘warm up’, ‘steamy’, or ‘spicy’ (which just made me think of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves) and suggested activities linked to items provided in the kit. Unfortunately it wasn’t long before the content on these cards started to jar.
Card one instructs you to gradually reveal your erogenous zones to your partner and ‘try to uncover the ones you think they still don’t know about’. Really? Anyone in a serious long-term relationship would most likely already know their partners erogenous zones very well and if they didn’t I would suggest they have trust and intimacy issues which no amount of erotic recipes cards is going to fix. And what happens if you can’t name anything new? You’ve already failed at the first activity and we all know how welcome feelings of failure are in the bedroom!
Another thing that irritated me was the ‘Additional Tips’ section that stated ‘top up your drinks before exploring each other’s bodies’. I think it’s fair to assume this means alcoholic drinks so what? I need to be tipsy now to bear exploring my partner’s erogenous zones? I admit that alcohol lowers inhibitions but don’t forget this is aimed at couples who presumably have been together a long time if they’re at the point where they need to spice things up. If you need alcohol to be intimate after years of being together I would suggest you need a new partner, not an erotic recipe card.
As you work through the remaining cards you are given activities that range from the bizarre – a staring competition – to the ridiculous – your partner massaging you with their entire body! This had me in hysterics. What if your partner is much bigger than you? What if they slide right off you and straight into A and E via an unexpected face-plant onto the bedroom floor? On a more serious note, what if your partner is disabled? Encouraging this kind of activity and also some of the mild BDSM present in the content is all well and good but not particularly responsible without advising the use of a safe word.
Some of the cards give specific times in which to complete certain activities such as ‘take one minute to tease your partner into submission’. One minute? Wow what a fantastic evening of pleasure that’s going to be, one minute of arousal and then it’s back to the football. As you can imagine these ‘timings’ were a major turn-off. There was so much content on each of the cards that I had to stop to re-read each card as there was simply far too much to remember. It ended up becoming sex by numbers which rather than creating passion, completely killed it. My partner and I made it to card three before we completely abandoned them and made up some much better activities of our own.
The terminology used on the cards was another area for concern. It was inconsistent and at times downright ludicrous switching from words like ‘derriere’ to ‘clit’, ‘tool’ and the worst by far, ‘his backdoor’. These words are hardly sexually empowering and using euphemisms like ‘backdoor’ actually continues the stigma surrounding anal play. Disappointingly there were also a few typos such as ‘deserved’ appearing twice on card eleven. My favourite line was definitely ‘when she’s not expecting, thrust deep and give your partner that well deserved orgasm’. If only it were that simple!
Three Spice Cards
Again the best thing about these cards, and the kit in general, was the Card Case supplied to store them in. The cards themselves were good quality, but I found the print annoyingly small and I have 20/20 vision. If you subscribe you’re promised three new cards each month but again I found the samples asinine. The first one recommends surprising your partner when they’re particularly tired with a blindfolded massage and ‘the rest is up to you’. If I was particularly tired I couldn’t think of anything worse than being jumped with a blindfold and ‘the rest’ would probably be an argument and one of us sleeping on the sofa!
The second card suggested ‘sexting’ – the pastime of most average sixteen year olds and certainly nothing new. The third card suggested thinking of ‘something that you have never done with your partner’. If I can do that, why do I need these so-called spice cards?! The silver and red card case really is a thing of beauty though and shall be lovingly recycled as a business cardholder.
Sex and Mischief Satin Black Blindfold
The blindfold was lightweight but padded and fairly good quality. It was comfortable to wear for a prolonged period but unfortunately I could still pretty much see everything as it was ill-fitting. This is true of most blindfolds though unless you have them custom made.
Sex and Mischief Black Feather Tickler
This was a standard short black feather tickler that you could find in any fancy dress shop or online sex toy store. There really isn’t much else to say about it other than it didn’t moult and was fun to play with.
A 250ml bottle of Shunga Sparkling Strawberry Wine Erotic Massage Oil
As per the website I was expecting Vanilla massage oil but the kit came with Sparkling Strawberry Wine instead. I wasn’t aware of this particular brand of massage oil before receiving this kit and I can’t honestly say I’m a huge fan. It seemed fairly standard and innocuous but had a huge list of ingredients and as a qualified masseuse I prefer to use simple base and essential oils. However the fragrance was nice and it didn’t irritate my skin. Unfortunately it did stain my bed sheets though but that was really our fault for getting somewhat boisterous with it!
Sex and Mischief Black Faux Leather Flogger
The flogger was faux leather but smelt lovely and is a good item for beginners. The metal on it was nickel free which was a nice touch. Again it looked like the kind of thing that you could find in any fancy dress shop or online sex toy store but was a fun addition to the kit.
Earthly Body Edible Massage Heart Candle (with spoon)
As I’ve said in previous reviews I’m not really into wax play, but my partner and I were happy to give this a go as it smelt truly heavenly. Unfortunately the smell did not translate into taste as it was absolutely disgusting. More than one lick of this and we were both heaving! Despite the sweet vanilla scent, it was still literally like eating candle wax. If you are into wax play then I’m sure this would do the trick just fine but have plenty of fresh water and possibly a bucket to hand.
Fetish Fantasy Metal Handcuffs
Unlike some, these handcuffs were a decent size but were made of very cheap, flimsy metal. Five minutes of girly struggling and they were broken beyond repair.
Prior to that they had been very easy to lock and unlock, two metal keys having been provided.
Slim Smoke Teardrop Bullet
The teardrop bullet was cheap in appearance but surprisingly effective. It was cute, easy to operate and we had a great deal of fun playing with it. It was a particularly welcome addition when receiving head, taking an already amazing experience to another level. This toy is playful and fun but something that I would imagine most people already own (or a version thereof) so like much of this kit, it doesn’t really offer anything new. What was new was the very odd safety warning on the back of the remote control – ‘this device should not be used over swollen or inflamed areas of skin eruptions. Do not use on unexplained calf pain. Consult physician’. No that’s not a typo, it actually says ‘calf pain’. I would suggest that this product is from the economy rather than luxury range!
Leg Avenue Nylon Fishnet Pantyhose
By far the worst item in the kit! I’m not American and from what I can gather My Spice Box is not an American website, and calling these tights ‘pantyhose’ doesn’t make them remotely sexy. The website states that ‘outfit sizes are asked during the checkout’ (don’t get me started on grammar again!) but are tights classed as an outfit? Their packaging states ‘one size fits all’ so I’m dubious. As you could have predicted the ‘one size’ did not fit my ‘all’ which if I’m honest was just depressing. I really don’t need to feel judged by a box of sex toys so I think these are a really poorly chosen item. They reminded me of ‘grab-a-granny’ strippers and they’re not even mentioned on any of the erotic recipe or spice cards. Thank God my partner managed to save the day by literally ripping them off me which was sexy as hell!
Slide Intimate Sexual Lubricant
Again this wasn’t anything special or exotic and I think MySpiceBox really missed a trick here as they could have included something flavoured.
Screaming O Ringo x 3
As I’ve stated several times in the past I don’t review love/cock rings. However I have done so on a few occasions thanks to the willingness of my partner but one look at these and it was a definite ‘no’. Love/cock rings promise a harder, longer lasting erection and I’m sure these ones work just as well as any others. However as he didn’t try them it would be unfair of me to comment on them.
You and Me – a game of love and intimacy
For me this was another ridiculous and actually quite disappointing item. As a lover of board games (yes I’m a bit of a secret geek) I was really looking forward to trying this item out, a combination of my three favourite things – sex, games and healthy competition!
‘You and me’ promised ‘ninety bedroom challenges to bring you even closer’. However the majority of these challenges revolved around bringing my mouth closer to my partner’s dick. Not something I have a problem with but it can hardly be called new or imaginative. The game itself turned out to be fairly complex and I got bored before I’d finished reading the instructions. The cards on the other hand were hilarious! As with the spice cards, the words used for various body parts were inconsistent and idiotic. For penis, it went from ‘member’ to ‘cock’, ‘privates’, ‘crotch’, ‘most delicate area’, and finally ‘most intimate parts’. By far though, my favourite term was ‘labia’, the least sexy and passion-inducing word in the entire English language! This game made me laugh more than I have in years but as an erotic aid it was about as arousing as a chocolate teapot.
The My Spice Box Starter Kit is described as ‘a taster of the experiences to come’ but my experience of it would be enough to make me cancel my subscription! Yes there were a few items in it that I enjoyed playing with but the actual main selling point of this kit – the erotic recipe cards and spice cards – did absolutely nothing to improve my sex life. They weren’t creative or imaginative and offering pearls of wisdom like ‘just put on some slow-dance music, top up your drinks and have fun exploring each other’s fantasies’ gave me flashbacks of Barry White videos and dodgy 80’s chat up lines. This kit isn’t ‘fabulous’ it’s flat, at best highly entertaining for all the wrong reasons and at worst, hugely disappointing.
There wasn’t anything included that I couldn’t find easily online and for a lot cheaper, making this kit an expensive investment. The box itself was huge and whilst I initially thought this was a good thing, I suddenly realised it had one major downfall – I would begrudge disposing of them because of the cost involved but if I subscribed I’d have to find storage space for twelve of these things every year!
My main gripe though is with the clichéd and somewhat awkward written content. It didn’t seem suitable for its target audience i.e. couples and certainly didn’t offer anything new. The words used were often more appropriate for a group of giggling teenagers than mature sexually experienced adults. At best the My Spice Box Starter Kit is gimmicky and could be fun but it’s expensive and if I just kept getting more of the same every month I would soon get bored with it.
– Scarlett Reviews
The My Spice Box Starter Kit was sent free of charge, in exchange for a fair and honest review by the Pleasure Panel, by myspicebox.co.uk. Thank you!
This review does not contain any affiliate links.