Kink Advice

Kink Advice

Need kink advice? Welcome to the kinky sex advice hub at the Cara Sutra sex blog. I have a wealth of fetish advice guides, BDSM 101 articles and practical features to guide you through your next thrilling power exchange adventure.

When you’re in need of kink advice, it can be difficult to know where to turn. After all, matters of kink and BDSM are most definitely of a personal and highly intimate nature, so it’s unlikely you’ll feel able to open up to family or your usual circle of friends. I’ve written a wealth of kinky advice articles here on the blog, covering a wide range of BDSM subjects, popular queries and addressing common worries.

Read on for some hand-picked highlights from my enormous range of kinky advice articles, then find the entire catalogue of advice pieces after this introductory area.

What’s The Difference Between Kink And Fetish?  

What's the difference between kink and fetish?

“Having a fetish for something, fetishising an object or a practice seems to be more of an obsessive behaviour. Less of a choice and more of a hardwired compulsion, to the exclusion of sensibility if allowed to run riot. Fetish is often used interchangeably with kink, though, both to demonstrate one’s affection for their personal kink(s) and also because the speaker classes kink and fetish as fairly similar.

Fetish has always been used to show a deeper / more hardcore affinity for a practice than kink, in the circles I’ve spoken and played with. Also, it’s been my understanding that you can have a fetish for objects – fetishising bondage hoods or high heels, for instance – whereas the act of fetishising those things is described as the person ‘being kinky’.”

Living With A Vanilla Partner When You’re Kinky

Kink Advice | Kinky Sex Advice, Kink Info, Kink For Beginners, Kink 101“Ultimately … BDSM is a need for me, and like most things we need in life it eventually surfaced and wouldn’t go away. I might have tied a millstone round my ‘personal kink needs’ neck and tossed it into the sea, but frustration eroded the rope and it bobbed to the surface. The relationships where I lived with a vanilla finished and looking back, I realise that had I carried on being in a relationship with someone vanilla, I would have lived a very unhappy life. You can’t help who you fall in love with and it’s very easy when you’re not in a specific situation to state that someone shouldn’t be with somebody else. There’s emotions and circumstances in a relationship that go beyond feeling like you need some bondage, or orgasm control, or ball kicking, or ageplay or whatever your particular needs are.”

Prepping For Your First Kinky Sex Session  

Kink Advice | Kinky Sex Advice, Kink Info, Kink For Beginners, Kink 101“If you haven’t tried anything kinky before, it can seem like a seriously scary step into the unknown. You may be worried about how you and your partner will react in this new environment, if you really want to introduce such a new element into your sex life, or just simply worried that you don’t know enough to do it right. Well, look no further than our essential guide to preparing both mentally and physically for your first ever kinky experience. Yes, it can seem a lot to take in – but we will be holding your hand all the way!”

Is Your Kink Identity Written In Your DNA?

Kinky cara sutra photos“I don’t think you choose to be Dominant, submissive, or switch. Those labels that I’d call your kink identity. What I believe is that there’s the same likelihood of you having brown or blue eyes, or blonde, brunette or ginger hair, as you identifying as submissive or Dominant.

Why do I believe a kink identity is written in the DNA? Because this is an integral part of everyone’s character. In my opinion, even those who identify as vanilla are on the kink spectrum somewhere. Maybe I am terming that wrongly. Not the ‘kink’ spectrum; the spectrum of human desires, needs… fun?”

Humiliating Objectification Fantasies: My Love/Hate Relationship

Kink Advice | Kinky Sex Advice, Kink Info, Kink For Beginners, Kink 101“Do you have any guilty fantasies? I class myself as a very kinky person, but some of my fantasies shock even me. Scenarios are conjured up in my mind, and I find myself fussing over them mentally, tweaking details and layering the filth until I have a custom-fit fantasy too extreme to speak aloud. Guilty is the wrong word; I don’t feel guilty about any of my pleasures, as P!nk famously said. I feel weird, and wired, and demanding. I have a high-maintenance imagination. Most notably, I have a private love/hate relationship with humiliating objectification –as a kink and as a popular foundation for my most extreme fantasies.”

I hope this has given you a helpful taster of the kink advice you can look forward to reading about in this area of my sex blog, and I warmly welcome you as you browse the various exploratory pieces. If there’s a kinky feature you’re particularly looking for but can’t find, please get in touch via my contact page and I’ll do my very best to write it up here on the blog as soon as possible.

What Do SSC And RACK Mean In BDSM?

BDSM kinksters have hugely varied kinky interests, fetishes, and types of power exchange relationships. It's unsurprising, then, that there are also various schools of thought and approaches to how the consensual power exchange in D/s relationships is enjoyed. Two of the biggest consensual play templates in BDSM are SSC and RACK. What do these acronyms stand for, what are the main differences, and which one do you feel most comfortable with?

Sexual Foreplay 101: Your Guide To Sexy Arousal Tips & Ideas

Brilliant sexual foreplay can mean the difference between a stagnant, monotonous sex life and keeping the spice and magic of a relationship alive. Are you stuck for ideas for fantastic before sex arousal and supremely arousing foreplay? Welcome to my comprehensive guide to lovers' arousal techniques: my sexual foreplay 101.

Safe Words And Traffic Lights: How To Say Stop In BDSM

During your explorations of the BDSM world, you may have come across the terms safewords and traffic lights. What are BDSM safe words, and what do traffic lights have to do with the exciting world of power exchange, kink and fetish?  

Does Female Chastity Exist? How Can Women Enjoy Orgasm Denial?

The chastity fetish is a BDSM topic very close to my Mistress heart. I've written plenty about male chastity over the years, as well as a guide to chastity devices and several chastity cage reviews. What about women? Does female chastity exist? And how can women enjoy orgasm denial?

International Male Chastity Day | International Chastity Day Info

As a proud kinkster and huge fan of the chastity fetish in particular, it gives me great pleasure to share details of an official annual celebration of this highly erotic kink. International Male Chastity Day (also known as International Chastity Day) is celebrated on the 15th February* each year.
The Hotness Of Body Piercings | List Of Genital Piercings

The Hotness Of Body Piercings

Body piercings, tattoos, or both? Whether you love being pierced or prefer getting inked, body modifications can still be controversial in some circles. Pretty stuffy circles, in my opinion. I'm focusing on the hotness of body piercings today, but I'm all for people celebrating their uniqueness and displaying their creativity through the many various forms of body art.

How To Find A Dominant Partner

So many of the emails I’ve received over the years have been from men looking for BDSM advice. Many men really want to find a Dominant woman to help them realise their kinky fantasies, or encourage their partner to become a Mistress –or alternatively, a female submissive. Did you know that there is an easy way to find a Dominant partner? Read on and I’ll let you in on the secret.  

How To Find Your Perfect BDSM Partner

Compatibility in BDSM relationships is important and should be taken into consideration from the outset. But just how do you go about finding that all too often elusive, but fantastic, kinky match? It can be tricky to find your perfect BDSM partner -and that's an understatement. 

Big Guide To Bondage Sex Toys, & Our Bondage Sex Toy Reviews

What can you use to restrain someone (or enjoy being restrained) in bondage? That's where bondage sex toys and bondage accessories come into their own. It helps having some background knowledge of just what's available in terms of bondage equipment, and why it's important to use items specifically designed for bondage rather than any old belt, strap or rope you happen to have around the house.

Big Guide To Spanking Toys, & Our Spanking Toy Reviews

Spanking is an erotic act between consenting kinksters and lovers. Do you prefer yours OTK (over the knee), strapped face-down to a bench, during sex or in some other fashion? Does the mere thought of a raised Dominant hand, or a spanking toy whistling through the air, stir the tendrils of arousal? You might be wondering which spanking tools are best for effective corporal punishment. Welcome to my big guide to spanking toys, in which you'll also find links to all our spanking toy reviews.

Beginner’s Guide To Bondage | Complete Bondage 101 & Top Tips

Despite Fifty Shades of Grey helping to spotlight the joys of BDSM in the mainstream in recent years, plenty of people have been enjoying the physical, psychological and emotional liberation that the power exchange in D/s role-play offers. Due to the recent sharp rise in mainstream interest, I wanted to share my bondage top tips and advice in this beginner's guide to bondage today. Welcome to my complete bondage 101!

Beginner’s Guide To BDSM | BDSM Tips For Beginners | BDSM 101

The enduring popularity of BDSM cannot be attributed in its entirety to the relatively recent appearance of Fifty Shades Of Grey, no matter how much the media would love for that to be the case. Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism are all power exchange activities, either including sex or entirely and deliberately absent of it, which have been practiced for centuries.