10 Great Tips To Get Older Women To Respond To Your Online Dating Messages
Learning how to write messages to older women takes time. We can’t all expect to land on the perfect formula straight away — nor should we assume there is one. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to making a great first impression. And every guy needs to tailor what he says to his own personal style.
However, dating sites have been around for a long time and in those years guys who like dating older women have learned what works and what doesn’t.
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Before we teach you some of the best tips to getting older women to respond, you have to make sure you’re on the right dating site. If you’re using a site with fewer users or even some fake ones, you won’t stand a chance of getting a reply. If you are interested in meeting an older woman there is one site you need to check out first. Check out this in-depth Cougar Life review to learn more and get off on the right foot.
If you’re on the right sites, we’ve got the tips for you if you want to start seeing replies popping up in your inbox. Some are more obvious than others but all deserve your attention.
1) Don’t only write to women you’re genuinely interested in
This may sound a little strange but give me a moment and I’ll explain. Getting responses to your messages is incredibly important. Just like live dating, it gives you experience and teaches you how to communicate more effectively. Every reply is basically feedback and helps you fine-tune your approach.
However, as we all know, men generally receive far fewer responses than women to their messages. In fact, many men never get any answers at all. If you find yourself in this situation be sure to check out these Online Dating Commandments to ensure you are not making any big mistakes on your profile.
So if you’re stuck in the zero-replies territory, it means you’re having no exposure to replies. And if this is the case, you’ll never learn how to improve your technique.
So to get the ball rolling, you need to pull out all the stops. And the best way to do so is to send more messages out. There are studies, which show how many messages you need to send before you start getting back responses. These are averages but it’s good to know the data.
A guy who sends 18 messages to older women can be 50 percent certain he’ll receive at least one response. This doesn’t mean he gets nine replies — It means he has half a chance of getting one response back! So, you do the maths. The more messages you send the better your chances of at least getting one response.
2) Don’t be a copy and paste pirate
Once you start sending a considerable number of messages out, you may notice your content becomes a little automatic – or repetitive. For this reason, many guys decide to stop putting in the effort at all and turn to pasting the same message in again and again. As this can significantly increase the number of women you’re writing to, you may get replies. But what you’re not getting is the feedback on what works.
What’s more, there are only a finite number of women per site. If you send two hundred identical messages out and get one reply – because most of them recognised a copy-paste job – what have you achieved? You may have saved time, but you haven’t gained anything. You’ve also basically wasted several potentially good matches.
3) Mirror the language in her profile
Your first message needs to show you’ve made an effort. It needs to be somewhat personalized and feel tailored to her profile. She should read it and think, “This guy is interested in me – this isn’t a generic message.”
How you do that is obviously by referencing things you’ve read in her profile, but also be mirroring the style of her profile description.
How long are her sentences? Are they five words or more like 20 words long? Does she use a lot of soft or emotional words? Does she have a couple of jokes in there? If so, you need to write her a message that reflects her profile text style.
This will make her feel like the person writing to her is a like-minded soul and one she should get to know better.
4) Make her feel desirable
Getting a message from a younger man who assumes you’ll reply to him because you’re older is the biggest turn off there is. Yes, cougars like confident young men, but they don’t want arrogance or someone looking for an ego boost at their expense.
It’s different for older guys and younger women. In this case, those girls can sit back and expect to be chased. But attractive, older women still boast plenty of willing takers.
If your message comes across like it’s saying you think she’d be lucky to have you, she’s not going to reply. She wants you to find her hot and sexy and it’s your job to let her know you do.
5) Show her you’re open to a variety of relationships
Many older women going online to find a younger guy are not sure what they’re looking for. Maybe it’s her first time on here too and she’s just testing the waters.
Suddenly getting a message from someone who wants to meet up can be a little intimidating. She might worry that by replying, she’s committing to something.
With this in mind, make sure the offer you’re presenting in your first message is flexible. Don’t start talking about your relationship expectations or long-term goals. And use open-ended phrases like “…and let’s see where it goes from there,” to make her understand you’re open to a variety of dating modes.
6) Show your self-deprecating side
Making a woman laugh has always been a direct route to her heart, but in recent years, comedy has become kind of aggressive. When men feel threatened or rejected, their jokes get cruel and stop having the desired effect.
However, if you can make a joke at your own expense, this can be truly disarming and surprising, and prompt a woman to want to reply.
But how do you do this effectively? The best way is with a funny story that also shows your strong side. Tell her about that time you got your pants caught under a boulder while rock climbing and had to walk back to camp half naked. Rescuing kittens who then decide to relieve themselves on you is also a great angle.
7) Find a new thing about her to compliment
Compliments are wonderful things if given well. But frustratingly, many fall on deaf ears. This is usually the case when the recipient has heard the compliment a hundred times before. She has beautiful eyes or curly hair or freckles… she knows this, her grandpa used to tell her so.
As a guy trying to get her to write back, you need to uncover a new angle. This is incredibly hard to do with just a photo and a profile but you can get creative. Do you see a mischievous sparkle in her eye? Then tell her. You might be the first and she’ll appreciate it.
8) Be self-aware about your praises
If you really can’t think of anything about her, which might be a new or novel compliment, don’t make something up. If she’s a traditionally attractive woman with killer cheekbones, don’t tell her she’s got cute dimples. It’s just not going to fly. Instead, tell her you love her cheekbones but add the chaser, “I’m sure everyone tells you this but I just had to add my compliment to the list…” That way she’ll know you’re genuine and you won’t be left looking like you were struggling to be original.
9) Show her you appreciate her time and consideration
Older women are very aware of the economics of online dating. As a general rule, women get more replies than men and everyone knows this. This is because online or offline, women are much pickier than men when it comes to dates. And although it’s not fair, it’s just how it is.
So when you’re signing off, make it clear that you assume she must get a lot of messages. Recognize too, she could never be expected to answer even half of them. Then add your own hope that you’ll be one of the lucky ones.
This sentence is a tough one to write because it’s a fine line to walk between being thankful and being pathetic. But get it right and it’ll leave a smile on her face and a reply in your inbox.
10) Make a closing argument
In your messages to older women, two parts of your message will usually be the most memorable, the beginning and the end. Not that you should ignore the importance of the body of the text, but making sure you create a strong ending is also crucial.
Finishing your message with a few words to support your cause can leave a lingering impression. So even if she closes the message at first, a few minutes later she might revisit it.
Phrases like, “I think we’d have a good time together,” are positive without being overbearing.
And that’s all there is to it. Be yourself, open, appreciative and genuine, and remember it’s a numbers game too. Getting dates with successful messages to older women is a lot of fun but it’s a learned skill like anything else.
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