Am I Addicted To Sex Toys? Confession & Experiment
The question I’ve been musing on over the past couple of months has two distinct elements. Am I addicted to sex toys – and is this having a detrimental effect on my sex life?
Don’t get me wrong, I can’t see a time in my life when I won’t use any sex toys. Although sex toys aren’t a replacement for sex, they’re definitely tools I turn to when I want a quick physical release. But have I been turning to them a little too often in recent times?
My Typical Sex Toy Habits
In the past I’d used my sex toys whenever I felt horny, or during foreplay and sex with my partner, or… whenever I wanted, really. Over the past 6 months or so I realised I was falling into a daily habit of using either my wand or bullet vibrator when I go to bed at the end of the day, to tease out an orgasm. Sometimes two.
Due to our house setup (children & mum-in-law), there’s usually a bit of time between when I retire to the bedroom and when my partner comes up to join me. I’ve been using this alone time for solo stimulation, to soothe out the stresses of the day with my sex toys.
It dawned on me that this had become a nightly habit. Almost a need to have a quick-release Doxy Wand or bullet orgasm before settling in for the night. I wasn’t having sex with my partner as often anymore; after my orgasm(s) I’d just wait for his arrival, cuddle up and pass out.
Was I addicted to sex toys? Were sex toys damaging my sex life with my partner?
Over the last couple of months I’ve experimented with depriving myself of those nightly solo playtimes, where I can. Sometimes I’ve needed to road-test a sex toy for my product reviews, but this has been rare due to the bulk of reviewing now done by the Pleasure Panel. In any case, I’ve kept the few ‘testing’ sessions I’ve had to early afternoons. I’ve been startled by the results.
Our sex life has improved. I don’t mean the sex got better necessarily – sex with him is always fantastic – but I’ve felt like having sex more often. The frequency and passion has definitely increased.
Examining The Results
I believe that thanks to the lack of on-demand orgasms, my libido shot up. Being able to instantly gratify my desire for an orgasm – whether due to horniness or as a physical, tension release – reduced my overall lust for sex with my partner.
It’s almost like a short-term and admittedly self-inflicted chastity. Chastity is an incredibly popular fetish because being denied a climax prolongs the anticipation, increases the sexual stimulation felt over time and heightens both mental and physical sensations. When the release is finally granted, it’s often powerfully intense, more so than if the need to climax had been sated immediately.
Self-Denial… And The Eventual Sex
Denying myself instant gratification, forcing myself to wait instead, is incredibly hot. Sure, I’m in a position where I could sate my sexual needs any time I like – but I’ve been choosing not to. Instead, I’ve been prolonging those feelings of need, letting my mind and body dwell on the rising yet denied sensations.
Eventually, I’ve shared my built-up lusts and pent-up passions with my partner, which has led to sex sessions the likes of which we’ve not enjoyed together for years. Furious, frenzied fucking. A rediscovery of each other.
From His Point Of View
I hadn’t admitted to my partner than I was trying to avoid using sex toys as much, in order to ramp up my levels of sexual lust. As it turns out, I didn’t really need to… he could tell something was going on when I started demanding sex in the middle of the day.
“I don’t know what you’ve been doing lately, but I must say I approve.”
Yeah, the recent hotel stays definitely helped – I’m a sucker for sexy hotel shenanigans – but there was a shift in our sex life even before the weekends away.
Was I Addicted To Sex Toys?
To be perfectly honest, I think my previous habitual reliance on sex toys was less an addiction and more pure laziness. I’ve had years of visiting my sex toy collection several times a day as a busy sex toy tester. Toys were were my literal ‘go-to’ when I had the slightest tingle of arousal or when I wanted a quick tension release.
Putting it bluntly, 24/7 orgasms were too easy for me to access.
Looking back, most of the time it wasn’t like I even really needed that orgasm. Not really. I just craved the fast & easy taut-muscle release which I’d come to look forward to as my end-of-day wind-down. Or morning/midday/afternoon/early evening treat.
The Allure Of Masturbation
Self-served orgasms from masturbation omits another person from proceedings. I find that the lack of another physical presence in the room has a strong impact on how long it takes me to orgasm, which makes masturbation a very attractive option when I want a fast, no-frills release.
When masturbating on my own I don’t have the distractions from my own pure physical pleasure than I do during sex. I’m not worrying about what they’re thinking, what they’re doing, whether they’re enjoying me, the feelings, the activity. I can let go of any self-conscious thoughts, and focus 100% on the stimulation. Switch the toy on, close my eyes and immerse myself in one of hundreds of tailored filthy fantasies, and give myself over to the moment.
The Distractions Of Sex
During sex with a partner I generally take a lot longer to orgasm. Admittedly this could in part be due to my previous habit of attending to my sexual needs frequently outside of partnered sex.
However, I think the delay in my orgasm is also due to knowledge of the person’s presence, their eyes on me, worrying (albeit irrationally) about what they’re thinking. If I’m doing things right, if I’m good enough. These thoughts racing through my head as I battle to ignore those traitorous voices and actually give myself over to pleasure.
Sex toys are inanimate objects; they don’t think, they don’t see. This means they don’t judge, they won’t compare you to others and they don’t need aftercare. They don’t require anything back from you (except perhaps batteries/extra charge and a thorough clean). Sex toys are fantastic in this way, no doubt about it.
However, letting myself have the quick and easy release from sex toys whenever I want it has proven to deliver a downside. I lose that pent-up sexual need which can lead to such passionate sex sessions with my partner.
Am I Giving Up Sex Toys?
Does this all mean I’m going to ditch using sex toys in favour of a better sex life with my partner?
Sex with my partner isn’t always available or practical whenever the need strikes. Yes, even though we’re incredibly lucky and both work from home. Yep, even though I could call him into the ‘office’ to bend me over the desk and take me at 2.15pm on a Tuesday afternoon then return to our respective projects afterwards [cough].
Life, family, responsibilities conspire to make dropping everything when we feel like it and suddenly fucking the hell out of each other a complete fantasy.
But you know something? That’s OK. Anticipation makes the eventual realisation all the sweeter.
What this experiment has taught me is that although I didn’t have what would be medically classed as an addiction to sex toys – I could choose to not use them I just didn’t – I certainly got lazy.
In future my goal is to carry on resisting the urge to drop what I’m doing and reach for the Doxy or bullet in the middle of the day, or use them as a pleasurably vibrating night-cap. Instead, I’ll let arousal build from those initial teasing tingles to a barely stemmed tide of desperate need; a need even he wouldn’t be cruel enough to deny.
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