10 Things You Should Know Before Having A Threesome

10 Things You Should Know Before Having A Threesome

Threesomes are often seen as the holy grail of sex. Plenty of people of all genders fantasise about getting it on with more than one partner, and those who have experienced a threesome often regale jealous mates with saucy anecdotes to make them drool.

Having been lucky enough to be part of a few threesomes (and moresomes) in my time, I can assure you it’s not all that easy to a) arrange one and b) to make sure everyone’s happy when you finally do make it to the multiple sex partner party. You can read some of my experiences and advice in this article at Men’s Health, but here’s another 10 things you really should know before having a threesome.

Spoiler: Some of these will surprise you.

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1. Anxiety will show up the first time, no matter how confident you think you are

Having your first threesome is kind of like losing your virginity again – only this time you feel pressure to satisfy more than one person. It’s also amplified if you’re the outsider to an already established relationship.

a worried woman2. You will have awkward moments that feel like you’re on a porn set waiting for direction.

Um… do I just watch? Is there even room for me in there? WHAT DO I DO? You’ll occasionally find yourself surplus to requirements during a threesome, so there can be an element of self-consciousness. Being at home with voyeurism and self-pleasure with an audience is key to success.

3. Safe sex is a nightmare

The only way to have a threesome is to ensure everyone is up to date on their sexual health checks. A condom helps protect from STIs but a shared condom between two partners can cause issues. Remember that STIs are spread via fluid-to-fluid contact, meaning oral sex and even kissing during sexual activity poses a risk. Before you join the threeway, make sure you all have clean sexual health bills.

4. Everyone expects it to be a guy-girl-girl situation

Mainstream media and several top porn outlets would have you believe there’s only one kind of threesome, but as I can personally vouch, the reality is that threesomes come in a variety of combos. “That awkward moment when you and your girl are discussing fantasies and you both talk about the idea of a threesome, but she wants two guys and you want two girls. I didn’t see that one coming… and I don’t want to.” Not everyone has the same idea about threesomes. If your partner’s differs from yours, then so be it; it’s better to not be outwardly repulsed by your lover’s penchants though. Threesomes might be off the cards, but your sex life doesn’t have to be. You have to be respectful of your partner’s kinks.

5. You’ll experience a lot of emotions

Whether you want to tell the world you just had a threesome or you wish you’d never gone there, you can expect a big emotional reaction of some kind. Society has been geared toward the two-person relationship dynamic for a very long time, and everything you’ve learned about love and sex through experience has only involved one other person. Having a 3-some can open up a philosophical introspective a lot of people don’t expect.

6. It can ruin a relationship, even a casual one

Fantasy and reality are often very different things, and this couldn’t be truer than when it comes to experimenting with threesomes as a couple. As sexually adventurous as you are, jealousy is a normal part of a relationship. On a primal level, it assists in pair bonding and helps us stay together which of course, assists in child rearing. Jealousy is healthy part in moderation, but when you apply fantasy to reality; the level of jealousy can be surprising. Even partners who consider themselves ‘casually dating’ can experience serious jealousy when a third person is invited into their dynamic. That can open insecurities about sexual competency and desirability as a partner, creating trust issues and abandonment fears. Yeesh! In other words, be really sure your relationship can handle it – regardless of your ‘official’ status.

Free Durex Goodies!7. Someone needs to remember the lube… and condoms

Threesome sex sessions tend to be multiple-orgasmic events as the natural order is to ensure everyone has fun. By the time the third is on cloud nine, the first is ready to go again – so these sessions can last a good few hours. So, make sure you stock up on lubricants. Opt for a flavoured lube for oral and silicone lube for penetration and foreplay; it lasts longer than water-based lubricants and is also better for anal.

Make sure you’re well stocked with the right condom sizes. If you do have performance issues, you’ll be able to pick up where you left off. And if you don’t? You might well need them anyway! Be responsible for your own condom choices, the wrong size of jonnies really ruins the fun.

8. Performance anxiety is common

It really can be intimidating going to bed with two people, so it’s possible that you’ll find yourself having a false start or two. No one expects their fantasy to be scuppered by performance anxiety, but it’s surprisingly common. Finding yourself unprepared for threesome activities doesn’t have to be awkward, more foreplay and focusing more on your partners than yourself should help ease any stress.

9. Someone needs to call time

Threesomes genuinely could go on forever, or at least until someone requires medical attention. Someone usually has to be the responsible one to suggest sleep. If you’re feeling tired, move things to a conclusion with a bang and get some rest (AKA: 3 hours of very broken sleep in a bed that is almost certainly too small for three).

10. Breakfast isn’t always awkward

Presuming you all had a good rapport the night before, there’s no need for the next day to be awkward. Making breakfast together and hanging out as friends is a great way to end any threesome experience.

The only thing that can make post-threesome company awkward is someone who is keen to leave quickly, so being respectful and aware of how your partners feel is key to diffusing any tension. If someone does want to leave quickly, offering them a shower, breakfast and to call a cab will help them feel more comfortable as well as ensure their needs are met.

 

Wanna have a threesome?

Although every situation is different, the tips above will better prepare you for the realities of sex with more than one partner. Although porn paints a consistently perfect picture, you’re likely to find the path a bit more difficult to navigate. That doesn’t mean threesomes aren’t worth the hassle – once you’ve communicated openly with everyone involved and worked out who and what goes where it will be one of the most memorable sex experiences you’ll ever have.

 

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3 COMMENTS

  1. In my younger playful days I experienced a few 3somes, both ways around. First off my then GF fancied a mutual friend, I’d always known she had the hots for him, most women did. One night after the pubs had shut the 3 of us were sitting on the bed in her room and somehow the idea came up, I can’t remember how. He was shocked but jumped at the chance. In the end I just held her hand while he fucked her. I didn’t actually find it at all erotic. I wasn’t jealous, I was happy for her since I knew this was something she’d wanted to do since before I knew her.
    After that we had a FFM threesome. I knew both the girls involved had bi-fantasies. A FWB didn’t believe that my fulltime GF didn’t mind if I had sex with her and so since she was upstairs at the time I said lets go and ask her. Well we all ended up in bed together. While I certainly enjoyed it, it didn’t live up to the fantasy. Let’s just say one bloke can not screw 2 women at once. I guess they both had performance anxiety and just lay next to each other wondering when their next turn would be, but not positioned in a way that let me really do much for the girl I wasn’t bonking at the time. Much the best bit was having 3way french kisses. I’ve never had a FMF threesome which has really worked out, I think it probably requires the girls to either have some bi experience or be prepared to be very active. Non full sex FMF threesomes can be a whole load of fun though, in so many ways these have worked better.
    I’ve had several MFM threesomes, The look on the girls face when she realises she can have both blokes at once has to be one of the most erotic sights on the planet. I’ve performed live on stage in front of an audience a couple of times without stage fright but I’ve not always managed in an intimate setting to get an erection, and usually the other guy didn’t either. Again non full sex ones have been great. Or occasions where one of you has had full sex with the girl while the other stimulates her in some other way. It feels weird feeling a guys cock with your fingers through the thin membrane between her pussy and her arse, But the feeling of her total mind blowing excitement is unforgettable. A couple of times when it has worked out it’s been a lot of fun, mostly because the girl in the middle has been on cloud 9, or maybe even cloud 99.

  2. I have always wanted to pleasure my girl with a threesome. I guess im jist not enough for her, because she has been with severL other people, but wont include me. Is it guilt or just what I dont know, but acceotsnce both ways s the key.

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