How Can I Be A More Dominant Woman In The Bedroom?
Q&A with Cara Sutra
I usually hear from men who ask how they can make their partner more dominant in the bedroom, so it was refreshing to hear from a woman on the same subject recently. This week’s anonymous advice-hunter needs some tips to become a more dominant woman in the bedroom, which will turn both her and her partner on.
Hey! I’d love some advice from an experienced dominant woman – please help! My partner and I have been experimenting with pegging recently and, despite my usual submissive tendencies, he’d absolutely love me to take control in bed once in a while. The only trouble is I have no idea where to start! I want to become a more dominant woman in the bedroom because it’s an idea we both get off on, but I’m not confident at all. Some tips would be great!
My first question would always be: do you really want to take control? Will you get some satisfaction out of it? If you’re only putting on the more dominant woman role in order to please your partner, you have to consider just how much control it is that you’re taking here. Or if you’re being heavily persuaded to get into dominant roleplay because that’s what he wants. In any power exchange situation it needs to be what you both really want, and with all the aspects carefully considered, otherwise it’s not truly consensual or very fair at all.
During my time in a very public role as a Domme I’ve received a lot of messages from men who want me to tell them how to ‘make’ their female partner dominant. My answer is always the same: you can’t make someone dominant, they have to want to be, first.
You’ve started to experiment with other types of fun and sexual interaction in the bedroom with your pegging sessions and that’s wonderful – I’m all for trying new things! If you really want to become a more dominant woman in the bedroom with your partner, then just start relaxed and easy. Try not to feel too pressured, despite knowing this is something raised by your partner and a fantasy he wants to be made reality by you. You might also be feeling pressure due to preconceived ideas of what you ‘should’ be like or how you ‘should’ be doing it all. Rule #1 about being in control of the situation is to do it your way.*
One top tip for making that transition to Dominant Woman a bit easier is to make use of blindfolds or even a full head bondage hood if you are lucky enough to have one or can get hold of one. It’s often less intimidating being in a situation where you’re expected to take all the control and responsibility on your shoulders – especially when you’re not used to it – when your partner isn’t able to look at you. Personally I find it a lot easier to let out my inner Domme Bitch (who wants a goddess anyway?) when they aren’t eyeballing me hard awaiting my next word or move.
Something else you can do to make the Domme/sub session go a bit smoother is to have some idea of how you want things to play out before you start. Not a script or a rigid list of events (things never go exactly to plan and that’s most of the fun) but a few pointers so you don’t get awkward gaps while you desperately decide what to do next. There’s nothing to say you shouldn’t write a list, if it helps you feel more organised and in control. Or actually, how about telling him that his first task is to write a list for you. He can note down what he’d like you to do to him and what he’d love to be ‘made’ to do. You get some ideas to work with, he gets his first instruction, everybody’s happy!
Don’t take anything but his safeword (or traffic lights) for an answer. If you think you’re being overly mean, then just remember – it’s what he wants. I’m sure in no time at all you’ll have him begging to eat out of the palm of your hand, and your latex panties will be damp while he’s doing it.
Have so much fun!
*with your partner being aware of and consenting to all activity, of course.
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