Tempted To Cheat With His Friend – Is Cheating Ever Ok?

Tempted To Cheat With His Friend – Is Cheating Ever Ok?

Relationship Advice with Cara Sutra

Following on from my last Q&A where I discussed what to do if your boyfriend’s friend hits on you (when you don’t want to cheat), someone on Facebook raised an interesting point: what if you DO want to cheat? If you’re tempted to cheat with his friend, should you go ahead and get your pleasure, whatever the cost? Even if your partner doesn’t know this mystery alluring person – is cheating ever ok?

Tempted To Cheat With His Friend - Is Cheating Ever Ok?

My knee-jerk reaction, like that of many others I’d think, is to say no – cheating isn’t ok. You’re in a relationship with your partner and part of any good relationship is trust in one another and that includes not getting involved emotionally/romantically/sexually with another person behind your partner’s back. That’s a very black and white opinion of course, and this umbrella statement – that cheating is not ok – doesn’t take into account the unique facets of any one particular relationship. Although in the past I thought cheating wasn’t ever ok, now I’ve come to realise that in certain circumstances it could be completely understandable. Maybe not ever ‘right’ – by whatever moral code society likes to measure things by – but definitely understandable.

I wrote more about the complex nature of cheating and why it’s not a black and white issue in this related article.

What if someone’s in a relationship they’re scared to leave out of fear of violence and abuse? What about if there are children in the relationship, with all the complexities that arise in that situation? What about if you own the house together, and don’t know where you stand if the relationship ends? You might even work at the same place as your partner and worry that ending the relationship would seriously impact your job, and therefore your income. Life isn’t black and white, and anyone who thinks cheating is always wrong and not excusable or understandable is very closed-minded, inexperienced and naive, in my opinion. I’ll readily admit that I was, when I believed exactly that.

Of course there are other situations as well, times when the decision to cheat isn’t complicated by such understandable issues but out of sheer lust. A drunken moment in someone else’s company who is paying you flattering attention, a friendship that just goes a little bit too far, a physical attraction which builds so much that you one day, in the spur of the moment, decide to act upon it. The only real excuse on these occasions is simple human nature. We like flattery, we like to feel attractive and sexy and we like affection and sex.

In answer to the originator of the main question here, should you cheat on your partner with his friend, well I can’t give you a clear-cut yes or no. It’s not my place to say whether you should or shouldn’t. All I can do is encourage you to think about the reasons behind why you feel you want to cheat. Are you making a conscious decision to deceive your partner here? Do they deserve it? Isn’t there any other way? How will it impact on this guy’s and your partner’s friendship?

I can’t advocate dishonesty and breaching the trust in your relationship if you can at all help it – but I don’t know the specific set of circumstances here. As I’ve mentioned above, I don’t believe cheating is ever right, but it can certainly be understandable.



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  1. I think to begin with you have to define cheating in your relationship. I define it as anything i wouldn’t be happy with my partner doing to me (if that makes sense?).

    If youre sending a photo of your boobs or dick to a person who isn’t your partner, i think thats cheating. Ok, so youre not in the same bed screaming yes yes yes but you are emotionally cheating, which i believe is just as bad.

    While i dont believe cheating is ok, i dont think its as bad as finding out your partner cheated on you and you deciding to stay with them. Surely then you lose the higher ground and you can no longer say cheating/cheaters are bad because you’ve allowed it in a way?

    I read something the other day that said someone who cheats is looking for a specific thing in each person they cheat with and they are unable to find all of those things in the one person, so thats why they cheat. Does that mean they will never truly be happy so in a way, by trying to find their happiness, they are doing the right thing?

    Now i just have a bunch of questions without answers lol.

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