My Single Sex Life: The First Date

My Single Sex Life: The First Date

By Cheryl Kaye of HornyGeekGirl

In my last column I told you I would tell you about my date, and here we are.  To say I was nervous about going on this first date would be an understatement. It’s been so long since I’ve been on an actual date I had no idea what the current ‘dating rules’ are, not that I ever paid much attention to the rules but I like to know them. I talked to a few friends to try and work out what goes now; do you hug, handshake, kiss on the cheek, should you go for food, drinks, is the cinema okay? I didn’t want to do something that could be considered too forward or get me in trouble. Although, if I’m honest none of the talking helped in any way, all I got was conflicting comments. The general rules seems to be do whatever YOU are comfortable with, keep it in a public place until you are ready to take it private, and if you’re not feeling it and want to let them down do it quietly but in a public place.


The thing that helped with my nerves in the end was deciding I just had to go for it. After chatting to the guy for a few days I felt that if I didn’t meet him I would never find the courage to go on a date. He happened to have a few days off work so I suggested meeting during the day because I hoped that would take some of the pressure off. The plan was for us to go to the cinema (there was a film just out that we both wanted to see), and then to lunch. I figured that way at least we would have something to talk about during lunch if needed. I was really concerned that the chemistry we seemed to share online wouldn’t translate to ‘in person’. I didn’t need to be.

sex and dating by cheryl kaye the first date 1Before the date I had this plan in my head, I didn’t want to have sex with him . Not on the first date at least. I know that sounds out-dated, or old-fashioned but I feel like sex always complicates things, and I just wanted to have fun and see what might happen. Despite the fact that really I know better there is also a little part of me that still thinks ‘nice’ girls don’t do that. Saying that though I also know that I like sex, and I shouldn’t have to limit myself. Either way the plan was no sex, and I hoped that by going on the date during the day it wouldn’t be an issue.

When we met we hugged because it just felt completely natural. He held my hand in the cinema, while his other arm was across my shoulders. It was nice…comfortable. During the film, every so often he would stroke my arm or my leg. Again it felt normal, it was so natural that it didn’t set off my creep meter at all. I do tend to rely on my spidey-sense a lot for that stuff, and it rarely lets me down.

After the cinema we walked back down in to the city centre (yes, we were that annoying couple holding hands), and I took him to one of my favourite pubs for lunch. I thought it would be a great pub for a date because it has these sort of ‘hidden’ booths behind the main bar area. Plus they do some really nice food.  He was kind enough to offer to buy me lunch and then we alternated paying for drinks. I know it probably sounds silly but that was another thing that had me worried beforehand, who pays for what? I like paying my share but I don’t mind if a date wants to treat me, especially if I know they have more money than I do… which doesn’t take much.

We managed to keep a steady conversation going, and didn’t even need to talk about the film (we still did but only because I’m a geek and was geeking out over it).  I liked this guy. He seemed nice, he was cute, and he wasn’t an obvious sociopath (or psychopath). The only thing that bothered me slightly was his admission that he had used one of the photos from my dating profile to do a reverse image search, and in doing so had found my website and twitter. I have now removed that particular photo from my dating profile. I was willing to overlook that though because he assured me he’d only done it to check I was a real person, and that he hadn’t read anything.

He was fun, and funny. We had a really good date. He made me smile, and he made me wiggle in the nicest possible way. I felt comfortable with him, and our chat and touching had gotten more than a little flirty but I was still set on sticking to my no sex plan. After four or so hours we left the first pub,  at about 8pm, and decided to have a wander around before we went our separate ways.  He was telling me about this pub he likes and asked if I fancied another drink before we went for our transports home. He wasn’t sure when his trains were but he said they were pretty regular. We were almost at the pub, when he remembered he needed a cash machine. We stopped at the bank, and he was pondering how much money he’d need. I was listening to him but in my head I was having a row with myself. As we continued walking he said about it being the last drink, and I found myself saying “Yes, and then you can come home with me.” I swear his legs actually wobbled, and he squeezed my hand just a bit tighter.

sex and dating by cheryl kaye the first date 2The last drink was a bit unsuccessful, I had two sips and managed to develop a headache so we decided to head straight to mine. Although, he did say he would go home if I would rather be on my own. I was happy for him to come with me though.  When we got back my housemates were in the living room, so I did a quick intro and then we went off upstairs. I put on a film and we snuggled up on my bed to watch. We basically continued what we’d been doing in the pub but it slowly got more x-rated until we were both naked.  Afterwards we cuddled and he fell asleep still stroking my back.

The next morning we had sex a few more times, and then we just talked some more. About lunchtime we got ready to head back into town. Which was when the seeds of doubt started to creep in. After we’d split up in town to go our separate ways I kept thinking over little things he’d said. Things that on their own were probably not much but when added together made me question a little bit. I still liked him, and thought he was a good guy but some of his… opinions were making me question if he was the right guy for me. However, before I could talk to him about it I got a message from him saying he’d read my twitter and he didn’t think we were going to work.  I’ll admit despite the fact that I’d had misgivings his message really upset me.

Then I figured: I’d done it. I’d gone on a good date, I’d had fun, I’d met a nice guy. I could maybe do this dating thing.

– Cheryl Kaye

About the writer: I’m Cheryl Kaye, I started blogging as HornyGeekGirl two years ago but I have always been a writer. I’ve loved telling stories ever since I was young. I started by making up life stories and scenes for my dolls and toys, and since then  I’ve written about many different subjects but none of them have felt as right to me as the writing I do now. You can check out my website at You can also follow me on Twitter and Facebook.


  1. Reminds me of meeting my partner. I was full of fears and reasons it would be a disaster and a blow to my self esteem but we’re now engaged! Great piece

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