My Boyfriend’s Friend Hit On Me, What Do I Do?
Relationship advice from Cara Sutra
Q: I’m in a long term relationship with my partner but recently one of his friends hit on me. It was unmistakable and I’m definitely not just being over-sensitive. The trouble is, I don’t know what to do. Obviously I have no interest as I’m going steady with my partner – I love him! But my boyfriend’s friend has hit on me behind his back. Do I tell him or keep it to myself? Help!
I’d usually say to mull over whether this really was a ‘pulling’ line or whether your boyfriend’s friend was just being friendly – but like you say it was unmistakable in this case.
Firstly, you need to clearly communicate to this other guy that this behaviour is not acceptable. Be polite but firm; thanks but no thanks, and to be honest this is not an appropriate or respectful way to act towards either you or his friend, your partner.
Secondly, you should have a word with your partner. Calmly let him know what’s happened, that you’ve told this ‘friend’ that his behaviour is not respectful or appropriate and most definitely, in no uncertain terms, that you’re not interested.
Reassure your partner that you love him, and have absolutely zero interest in his friend in that way. He needs to know that you’re telling him what happened so that a) he is fully aware of what his ‘friend’ has done behind his back and b) you have an absolutely clear conscience of not having hidden anything from him. Not that you’ve done anything wrong! However, he has a right to know about such advances being made towards you by a so-called friend of his.
Your partner then has the assurance that you have been and will be honest with him at all times, that you did not take up this other man’s advances, and he has the information he needs to make an important decision. Whether to remain friends with this other guy or not. I’d hope out of respect for you he would at least have a stern word with his ‘friend’ and warn him never to attempt anything like that again – if not reconsidering whether they can remain as friends at all.
Oh, and don’t you dare feel guilty about any of this. Your boyfriend’s friend made the conscious decision to come on to you, and you made the right and respectful decision to rebut his advances. Taking the next course of action, telling your boyfriend, is also testament to your loyalty and respect for your relationship. You have nothing to feel guilty about.