Sexuality and Parenthood: Sex As A Single Parent

Sex As A Single Parent – by Sallyanne Rogers

Balancing Your Sexuality And Single Parenthood

Sex As A Single Parent by Sallyanne RogersParenthood of any variety complicates your sex life, first of all. If you’re on your own with children, it might seem all but impossible to find time to date, shag or even schedule a few minutes for a quick wank, particularly if your kids are still very small. But if you’ve got to the point where you really do feel the need for a bit of adult action, it’s not impossible to find it.

If what you fancy for the moment is straightforward NSA sex, one of the easiest and safest ways to get this is to check out a swingers’ club. There are various websites which list clubs by area and most clubs have their own websites, so you can see what sort of facilities they offer and what sort of events they hold.

If you’re looking for something a little more regular, or just not keen on the club scene, the existence of online dating means that you can at least hunt for playmates from your own sofa and there is a much, much bigger pool to fish in (the pros and cons of online dating in general, which apply to the childfree and the coupled-up-but-looking-for-extra as well as the single parent, are much too complex to go into right now).

Think of the Children #1

Sex As A Single Parent Mother

Your biggest need, when you want to get back into getting busy, is reliable childcare. I’ll hold my hand up to being lucky in that my child’s other parent is a good parent and a decent human being, and we are on friendly terms, so I don’t have to beg for favours or pay for babysitters. Sadly that isn’t the option available to everyone, whether that’s because the other parent is not part of your lives any more, or because s/he is unreliable, unco-operative or actively trying to sabotage you having any kind of fun. (If the other parent is dangerously unreasonable and intent on causing trouble, bear in mind that you do have the legal right to a private life and that spiteful former partners can be brought to heel by the full force of the law if necessary.) Some people have supportive family or close friends nearby, who are happy to look after the kids overnight now and again. If you have cash to spare, there are also professional childcare services offering overnight care, though a lot will depend on the age and mindset of your kids as to whether you’d be happy doing this. Those with less available income might be able to get friends and family to club together and treat you to a night’s paid childcare for your birthday or something. Otherwise, the usual advice is to find friends in similar circumstances and see if you can arrange babysitting swaps with one another.

Technical Support

Technology is your friend in many ways. Not only are there all those dating apps, but Whatsapp and Facebook Messenger and even plain old texts are a good way to flirt and tease and connect with someone sexually if you can’t actually meet up physically. (Be careful to password protect all your tech if your kids are big enough to want to play with it, and don’t send naughty pics with identifiable details unless you are pretty sure the recipient is reasonably trustworthy) And there are now all kinds of hands-free sex toys that can make an online session even more exciting, whether it’s with someone you plan to play with skin-to-skin later, or a someone-who-could-be-anyone you just got chatting to – the second option is good if it really isn’t practical for you to get out and about at present, or if you don’t quite feel ready to do that but fancy easing yourself back into an erotic mindset.

Think of the Children #2

Sex As A Single Parent Father

Most mainstream dating advice for single parents assumes your aim is the heteromonogamous relationship escalator (meet, date, shag, move in, marry, stay married till one of you dies) and is heavy on the timetabling of when to introduce your New Partner to your kids. There are often slut-shamey aspects to it, as well, with particular emphasis on women not having too much casual sex and not allowing Strange Men in the house. In fact, being a single parent can be a good opportunity to educate children about the diversity of human relationships, which is a good thing in general.

Remember first of all that Respectable Married Parents have sex, too – otherwise how would kids get siblings? Sensible adults teach their kids privacy and boundaries in age-appropriate stages, such as it being polite to knock on doors, and polite to keep any startling noises to a minimum. It does kids no harm at all to learn that families and friendships are variable, and for most pre-teen kids, the ‘revelation’ that someone they know is gay, for instance, is most likely to net a response along the lines of ‘That’s nice, can I have a biscuit?’ Grown-up behaviour is, to a lot of kids, both incomprehensible and uninteresting, so they will have little trouble accepting that you have a new friend, or several new friends, and that you sometimes have a sleepover with those friends. If you teach them that people relate to their friends in different ways, that not everyone wants to get married, and that everyone is entitled to a personal life, they are unlikely to be all that bothered.

It may be more difficult if your break-up with their other parent was particularly bad or particularly recent, and teenagers can certainly get horribly judgmental about their parents having sex whether those parents are together or not. Don’t overload your offspring with more information than they need, but don’t let them make unwarranted assumptions, either.

Life and sex are complicated for everyone, but that doesn’t mean you can’t try to have some good times while you’re here.

 

Sallyanne Rogers


Spring In My Step Sallyanne RogersAbout the writer: 

Sallyanne Rogers is a writer of erotica, a single parent, and a fan of folk music, heritage railways and fantasy. She also likes real ale and cute men who can dance.

Her novel Spring In My Step is probably the first to combine sex and Morris dancing.

She has also edited an anthology of erotica inspired by folk songs which is entitled Who Thrilled Cock Robin?


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