How to find subspace together this Valentine’s Day
By Mel MacFarlane, Voluptasse
Whether you agree with Valentine’s Day or not, February always brings out the romantic side of a relationship. Whether you bring your partner home a bunch of flowers, or you prefer to cuddle on the sofa with a takeaway and a film, it’s a time to celebrate your ‘togetherness’. For couples in a BDSM relationship, Valentine’s Day is a great reason to lock the door, dig out your collection of kinky treats and find subspace together.
What is subspace?
Subspace or ‘sub space’ as it is also referred to, is a very personal experience which takes place between a submissive and Dom. It is a chemical reaction to the emotional and physical reaction to stimulation of the body and mind. The combined experience of pleasure and pain causes the body to release a rush of adrenalin and endorphins into the body. This acts as a natural pain killer in which a feeling of euphoria is achieved.
Each subspace experience is completely different and there is no definitive way for couples to find subspace together. During a scene, it is easy to get carried away in the pursuit of this natural high but it isn’t a state of mind that is achieved every time. Instead, concentrate on relaxing and having fun together this Valentine’s Day and who knows what could happen.
Techniques to help you achieve subspace
Because subspace is such a personal and individual experience, there is no definitive guide to achieving this state of mind together. The reaction of the submissive often depends on how relaxed they are, how comfortable they are feeling and the chemical reactions which occur within the body. In short, the harder you try the less likely you are to find subspace, just relax into the moment and let nature take its course.
Having a Dom who the submissive completely trusts is very important for those hoping to achieve subspace. Being in an environment where you feel safe, in the company of a person who makes you feel completely at ease is the key to feeling relaxed and centred enough to enter this altered state of mind. For those who enjoy meditation, using meditation techniques helps the submissive you quieten their mind and relax into the moment.
Coupled who have been together a long time usually know what makes the other person tick. The same goes for a Dom and submissive. Some couples find subspace by building up from smaller taps to much harder hitting which allows the body to relax into the scene. Others find that starting with immediate and intense pain helps to cause the rush of endorphins into the body. Either way, experimentation and communication is important to find out what works for you.
Signs that the submissive has entered subspace
- Inability to speak or feel sensations
- Light headedness
- A feeling of peace and tranquillity
- Out of body experience
- Loss of time
Subspace aftercare and safety tips
Whilst in an altered state of mind, the submissive is naturally very dependent on the Dom. During subspace, it can be very difficult for the submissive to utter their safeword and they may not be in full control of their actions. Therefore, it is important that the Dom constantly assesses the needs of the submissive to ensure that they are safe, and that they get the relevant aftercare that they need.
The exhilaration of subspace can last for days after a scene and it is important that the Dom recognises the need for proper aftercare and supervision. Whether it is a simple need like reassurance or even administering first aid, it is the duty of the Dom to ensure that the submissive is tended to properly. To avoid any confusion, set out the rules of aftercare before play begins and have some items close to hand like refreshments and a blanket for the submissive, should they require it.
Some submissive’s experience something called sub drop after achieving subspace. Sub drop is when the feeling of euphoria is replaced by feelings of depression, isolation and tearfulness. This can take place within hours or even days after the event. In these cases, a prolonged periods of care are required to ensure that the submissive feels safe and reassured.
During these times, the reassurance and care of the Dom helps the submissive to balance their emotions whilst strengthening the bond between both parties. This in turn builds mutual trust and respect, leading to many more shared experiences in the future.
Throughout the period of aftercare, it is important to for the Dom and submissive to spend some time discussing the shared experience together. Talking about aspects of the scene which worked for each party helps to build upon the lines of communication and create a stronger bond.
It is the creation of this strong bond, trust and communication that will ensure that subspace can be achieved in the future.
Happy (kinky) Valentine’s Day!
– Mel MacFarlane
About the writer: Mel MacFarlane is an experienced adult industry copywriter, product reviewer and business consultant. You can find her at her own leading sexuality magazine, Voluptasse. You can also follow Mel’s work on Twitter and Facebook.