Sex Machine Reviews
aka Joanne’s Reviews from the Pleasure Panel
It’s the wonderful Sex Machine Reviews in the sex blogger spotlight this week, aka Joanne’s Reviews. You may recognise that name from her wealth of Pleasure Panel sex toy reviews here at Cara Sutra! Thanks for stepping into the sex blogging spotlight this week, Joanne, it’s been lovely finding out a little more about you.
Are you a sex blogger? Would you like a free feature post of your own? They’re posted on Thursdays. If you’re a sex blogger or sex toy reviewer, check out my call for submissions here and email me here.
Sex Machine Reviews in the Sex Blogger Spotlight
When I first heard about the lovely Cara Sutra’s Sex Blogger Spotlight Series the first thought I had – and it is one that made me chuckle – is that if I was ever spotlighted I would freeze up like a rabbit in the light from a torch.
Having just celebrated my first year of sex blogging and toy reviewing I thought I should put pen to paper (in the digital sense) to give everyone a little information about who I am, what I like doing and what I hope to achieve with my little part of the internet: Sex Machine Reviews.
I’m Joanne, the writer, editor, re-editor, spelling corrector (a never ending task as this sort of thing doesn’t come naturally for me) and creator of Joanne’s Reviews, a blog that I hope will help people as I share my personal experiences of the products you see on my site. As you may have guessed by the domain name, I do indeed like fucking and sex machines.
This is my first blog, but my sexual journey has been a long one indeed. I used to be a good girl but now I love it a little bit kinky. I have had my ups and downs like everyone else but every setback that I’ve encountered has made me stronger and more determined to be open about my sexuality.
My body has had its knocks and dinks over the years and I struggle with mild arthritis in my hands and wrists which is one of the reasons why I enjoy using sex machines so much – they are hands free.
I am a married mother of two who is in her 40’s and now that my kids have left home I have a bit of spare time couple this with the fact that my husband works away from home a lot and I get a bit frustrated at times which is why I turn to sex toys and my machines to keep myself entertained.
I remember when I was looking for my first machine and information and reviews were very hard to find at the time, so after settling on my first machine I decided to use some of my spare time to review sex toys and the machines that I love to use hence my Sex Machine Reviews blog.
One year later and over 54 reviews (excluding the ones I’ve done for Cara on the Pleasure Panel) here I am and boy has it been a year to remember. I have made so many good friends, conversed with some of the legends of the industry and I’ve found ways of getting off that I’d never even imagined existed a year ago. All in all, it’s been a very good year and I am looking forward to doing more this year.
I review all of the items on my site myself and it is a gender neutral site so when it comes to guys toys I enlist the aid of a “stunt cock” in the guise of my husband who is more than happy to get to play with some toys himself.
I don’t intend to change the world with my blog but if I can help just one person make an informed decision when parting with their hard earned money then I will have achieved something and I will be a better person for doing so.
Q&A with Joanne
What’s your blog name/online handle and how did you come up with the idea?
I review under the pseudonym of Joanne Summers and I wanted a alter ego that sounded like the girl next door and was down to earth. I opted for Joanne as my best friend in the whole universe is a Joanne and it was a little in joke at the time I started my blog as she does like her toys so it sort of fitted and well I like the name.
Summers came from the name of one of my favourite TV characters in my teens – Buffy Summers. Yes I know its corny but it was a great show (at the time and David Boreanaz– ooooh, many a young girls fantasy). So that’s where Joanne Summers came from.
Which country do you live in?
Born and raised in the U.K.
Approximately how long have you been sex blogging?
I started blogging in January 2015 so it’s basically a year.
Why did you start a sex blog or reviewing sex toys?
I started out of the frustration of not being able to find reviews in the niche of Fucking Machines and after buying my first one I reviewed in for the benefit of anyone else in my position, I now review anything adult related and it is a good way to keep me occupied.
I like to promote body safe materials and, in particular, silicone. As a young woman I was forever getting yeast infections and with hind sight it was down to the use of jelly sex toys as I was none the wiser at how this type of material cannot be kept clean. Knowing what I know now I want to spread the word to educate.
I cannot believe just how unregulated the sex toy industry is and am aghast at how some of the bigger names still rely on porous materials, knowing that other safer materials are available but not caring as they are only interested in their profit margins.
What’s your favourite thing about blogging?
I often get very excited about the toys I am reviewing and it is amazing when I receive feedback or comments about my reviews. It means that the word is getting out and it is so nice to be able to use my own experiences ot help others decide on what sex toys are worth further attention.
Do you use social media? If so, where can we find you?
Yes I do, I spend most of my time on Twitter and I can be found on there as @JoannesReviews, I do also have several other social media account and these are:
Do your friends know you’re a sex blogger?
My closest friends do but not my entire circle of friends and with the exception of my husband no-one else in my family knows about my blog. That is the main reason for my online persona and avatar rather than using my own picture.
Have you ever done anything specifically so you can blog about it afterwards?
Er yes I have, I lost my bisexual cherry in order to review a strap-on harness for Cara (it was a good enough excuse I guess) – so there’s dedication for you. I am always sniffing sex toys and tasting things like lubes which is a bit strange to some people but it’s all in the line of work.
Do you take part in any blog memes? If so, which ones?
It isn’t really a meme but I support on contribute to the Hedovibes review roundup.
Share with us a funny or interesting experience that’s happened to you in the course of your blogging.
After reviewing a dildo from Bad Dragon that features a cumtube I forgot to clean out the cumtube. What’s funny about that, you ask. Well, for those of you who don’t know what a cumtube is, it is a tube running through a dildo to which a reservoir of liquid in attached at one end. It allows you to add lube internally or simulate receiving a creampie whilst playing.
I had been using a lube type designed to look and feel like real jizz but when I remembered to clean it out it had dried in the end of the dildo. I took it to the bathroom and ran some water over it whilst pressing the plunger on a syringe full of the cum substitute. It wouldn’t budge so I put the dildo down in the sink and tried with all of my might to depress the plunger on the syringe and, you guessed it, it finally moved.
The jizz substitute shot out of the end of the dildo and splattered all over the ceiling and walls and before I had realized it I had emptied all of the syringe literally everywhere. I just stood there with my mouth aghast stunned by the sight before me. I had jizz dripping from the ceiling and running down the walls.
I couldn’t stop giggling until I tried cleaning it up and that took ages. The moral of this story is: always clean your dildos as soon as you can after using them.
Will you still be blogging in 5 years time?
I certainly hope so but you never know what life will throw at you. All going well I hope to be one of the established bloggers that newbies like myself look up to.
If not already a professional blog: would you say you’re looking to earn a living from blogging eventually, or will it remain a hobby?
My blog is not professional although I do use affiliate links and the like. If I can earn enough money from it to pay its way then I will be happy. I started my blog buying all of the toys I reviewed – but recently companies have started to notice me, and are starting to send me items to review free of charge, which is both nice for me and of course my bank balance.
I would be mad to think that one day I could live off my blog, at the moment it is a hobby. If it grows into something else then that will really be an eye opener for me.
Tell us about three other bloggers you admire, and why.
Cara Sutra – Yes I know you are probably rolling your eyes thinking that I am looking for brownie points or something but that can’t be further from the truth as always I am just saying it how it is. Cara has been an inspiration to me and I have learnt so much from here from afar, one day I hoep to meet up with her to buy her a drink.
Dangerous Lilly – One amazing woman, she says it how it is. Her experiments on sex toy materials have really helped me out and she is always the first to shout about what is right. Frank and to the point, she is definitely worth checking out.
The Big Gay Review – These guys rock, it is so nice to read their reviews and insight into male sex toys and they are so down to earth. Definitely deserve a huge pat on the back and I look forward to every review that they do.
If you review sex toys, what are the top three toys you wish you could get your hands on next?
That’s a pretty easy question to answer, it would be the Doxy Skittle basically because who wouldn’t want one, a Tantus Gary O2 as I love the look of this dildo and a Monkey Rocker type fucking machine.
That is my top three today, tomorrow it may be different as there are so many things that catch my eye.
Who is your favourite adult shopping company, and why?
WOW this sort of puts you on the spot, I guess if I had to choose one it would be Uberkinky. I am not affiliated to them but I would like to be. The thing I love about them is their customer service, range of products and the design of their website and especially the advice articles and infographics.
They are a force to be reckoned with and I love buying things from them.
Do you prefer blogging fictional erotica, real life sex anecdotes or factual based content such as reviews and advice guides?
I tend to prefer to write reviews although I have started writing advice articles and they are a lot of fun as well especially when I get good feedback about them. I also have started sketching and you will see little sketches of me (usually doing pretty rude things) on my site. It is a nice little hobby to support my hobby LOL.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, I hope that you now know a little bit more about me and how I think and what I am trying to achieve with my blog.
Joanne from Sex Machine Reviews xx