Anal sex for bum love beginners

A beginner’s guide to anal sex & pleasure

Anal sex is still a taboo for many people, and that’s quite understandable. It’s your butt. You poop out of there. It’s very tight, so all the poop doesn’t just fall out. And you want to shove what up there? Surely it’s an exit, not an entrance. How can it possibly feel nice? And what about all the, well… poop?


I know, I know… that opening passage (sorry) isn’t the sexiest intro to a sex advice article. But trust me, plenty of people around the world have anal sex, use anal sex toys, and (gasp) not even just because they’re cam girls or porn stars. Yes, other people who aren’t porn stars enjoy anal sex too, and ‘even’ men who aren’t gay porn stars enjoy either cock up their butt from a partner (if bi or gay), or using anal sex toys whatever their personal sexual orientation. No, it doesn’t make you gay if you’re a man who enjoys using anal sex toys.

Anal sex has been referred to many a time in popular culture as a kind of Holy Grail for ‘filthy’ girl sex. If she did anal, you’ve either got the ‘town bike who’ll do anything’ (ugh, slut shaming) or you’re a ‘lucky bastard’ that she ‘let’s you take her up the rear’. Surprisingly, anal sex isn’t all about his pleasure. I know – shocking. The attitudes towards women who do/like anal sex (they’re not always the same thing, sadly) have unfortunately influenced many women’s own opinions about anal. Scared to try in case it hurts, scared to offer in case they’re branded a ‘loose slag’, ‘tart’ or ‘filthy ho’ – or whatever variant of slut shaming insult you can imagine.

Let’s take a moment to clarify. You don’t have to like/do anal sex. It’s ok if you genuinely don’t. If you don’t even want to consider trying, that’s fine. Not here to judge or force anyone into doing something they don’t want to do. As long as you’re a happy and free, sexually liberated adult who knows their own mind and is capable of making responsible and educated choices about their sex life, it’s all good. I still love you whether you adore the thought/reality of anal, or you just can’t even.

Ways to enjoy anal pleasure

However you identify gender-wise, there’s three main ways (there are others for the more advanced anal explorer) to try anal pleasure. We’re not talking sexualities here – who your partner is in the bedroom doesn’t factor into these. For the purposes of this advice article, it doesn’t matter and I don’t care. This is about pleasuring parts of your/their anatomy, parts of the body – not adhering to or dictating about gender or sexuality preferences.

So let’s take a look:

  • Rimming
  • Anal sex toys
  • Anal sex

With rimming, nothing’s actually going into your anus and stretching your delicate butt hole, so it’s a good place to begin. Rimming when someone uses their tongue to stimulate a sex partner’s anus, and the surrounding area, without any penetration. When rimming with a partner of unsure sexual health status, it’s extremely advisable to use dental dams to avoid getting any nasty infections that the receiving person may or may not be aware that they have.

Anal sex toys come in a variety of shapes and sizes… well actually, the insertable portion tends to be butt canal shaped – which is reassuring. There are anal sex toys for absolute newbies and there are butt plugs for the anal reaming fetishists (perhaps don’t Google those just yet). Your anal area does not produce natural lubrication like the vagina does upon arousal, so you really should use a good lubricant with the anal sex toy to avoid discomfort or worse. Take care that you use the right lube for the material of the sex toy; silicone sex toys will last longer if you use a water based lube or a hybrid lube safe for use with silicone sex toys. You can use silicone lube with rigid materials such as glass, metal or stone (yes, sex toys made with those materials do exist!) By the way, you should never use a sex toy anally if it doesn’t have a flared base. Unlike the vagina, which has a cervix stopper, your anal area leads deeper into the body. Items inserted can be drawn up into the body, leading to some of those humiliating emergency room visits that you might have scared yourself watching on late night TV shows. Sex toys marketed as for anal use will (should!) have a flared base or handle of some kind which stops the entire thing being drawn up inside you, allowing you to enjoy the insertable portion without worry or danger.

Anal sex. Here’s where things get a little scary, but with some guidance you can enjoy anal sex every time without hurt, embarrassment or tears (both types).

Firstly, talk. Communicate your worries and thoughts and personal preferences about sex and anal sex in particular, before you get to the point of being on your hands and knees with their cock tip against your anus.
lets talk anal sex advice

Secondly, anal douches can help you feel less self conscious about any brown tinted accidents.

Thirdly, relax. If you have a good, open communication going with a partner you trust, you should feel that you can just say the word (whether you use the word stop to mean stop or another safeword) and they will stop immediately. So this is happening at your pace. There’s no shame in stopping at ANY time, if you feel you’re not able to physically or mentally continue comfortably.

Fourthly, lube. Use the lube, Luke! Not the force. Lubrication is key for a comfortable and enjoyable anal sex experience. With skin to skin anal sex you can use silicone lube which is incredibly long lasting as it doesn’t evaporate through heat or friction. Contrary to popular belief, silicone lube can also be used with condoms, as it doesn’t disintegrate the latex material. In my opinion it’s best to avoid any desensitising gels or creams as they will interfere with your body’s natural signals about when to stop, potentially causing you damage and pain once the effects wear off. Water based lube is fine, but you may find that you need to reapply it up to a few time during the sex session, due to heat evaporation.

Before experimenting with anal sex I would highly recommend learning to accept the anal area as a sexual pleasure zone, rather than merely your toilet area, through the joys of rimming or having your partner tease you around your anal entrance using a feather tickler or other stimulators (definitely without any insertion). Once your body accepts that you can feel sexual pleasure and excitement in that area, it might be time to introduce that bottle of water based lube and ‘Your First Butt Plug’.

The hygiene bit

Whether you’re using fingers, anal sex toys or cock, you’ll undoubtedly want to start and end by being extremely and hygienically clean. With parts of the body it’s fairly simple for most responsible adults who can shower and bathe themselves. Scrubbing brush, antibacterial soap, hot water. Even if you don’t use condoms in your sexual relationship with your partner, you might choose to use them for anal sex to help out with the clean up after. It’s entirely down to you, of course. As mentioned above, anal douches are simple enough to use (they usually come with full instructions) and will minimise any poop-based mess or accidents.

With anal sex toys, I personally like to cover them with a condom before use so that the majority of any mess can be easily peeled off and disposed of just as when using a condom in the traditional way. If this isn’t for you, then all is not lost; you don’t have to bin your butt plug after one use. You might find that some sex toys will always retain some… scent, but you can help avoid this as much as possible by cleaning the sex toy immediately after use. Leaving it to fester under the bed for a week is definitely out of the question. Always try to use non porous sex toys (such as silicone, stainless steel, borosilicate glass), as these won’t allow bacteria to enter into and remain in the material, sat there being yucky and potentially harmful to you. Perhaps keep a nail brush specifically for sex toy cleaning purposes (store in a special place in case of mixups!), and use an anti bacterial soap, or sex toy cleaner specifically for this purpose. I always try to use fully waterproof anal sex toys as these can then be completely submerged in first cold, then warm soapy water, and scrubbed til once again immaculate. You can find more tips about how to properly clean your sex toys in this related article.

Bum love shopping

So what products do I recommend for a complete beginner to anal sex / anal sex toys / bum fun?

DIY Butt Bundle

Here’s my top choices to last you through the bum loving years, which total less than £50:

lovehoney basic anal douche for pre washing anal sex

Lovehoney BASICS Anal Douche £9.99
Easy to use, no complicated bits and pieces and small enough to store discreetly.

sliquid sassy anal sex lubricant

Sliquid Sassy Anal Lube (125ml bottle) £12.99
Sliquid is the Holy Grail of lubes; body-safe, no nasty ingredients which can cause irritation or worse. The bottle’s flat base and easy open/close flip cap will reduce spilllage accidents in the heat of the moment too. Sliquid lubes score consistent high marks in both my and the Pleasure Panel reviews.

Lovehoney beginners butt plug first time anal sex toy

Lovehoney Classic Silicone Beginner’s Butt Plug £9.99
One of the most slender butt plugs out there, at a max circumference of 3 inches, this waterproof plug is also made from body-safe, non-porous silicone and has the mandatory flared base for your safety.

RO-80mm Bullet Vibrator

Rocks Off Ammunition RO-80mm Bullet Vibrator £9.99
Do NOT use this in your anus. I’ve added this to the list to tease and arouse other areas while you’re getting ready; this powerful little bullet is a bestseller and fantastic to tease the nipples, clitoris, testicles, perineum, penis shaft which can help your body relax and open up for anal fun (with flared base sex toys).

Total basket: £42.96

Ready Made Anal Fun Kit


Lovehoney have also put together this anal fun bundle, which is currently priced at just £30. Anal beads, butt plug, probe and lube are all included. Bargain!

Total Basket: £30


Good luck in all your anal fun and bum love adventures! If you have any questions please comment below and I’ll give it my best shot at answering.





Note: This post contains affiliate links


  1. I have tried a prostate massager for the first time , relaxed as much as i could. Used loads of lube which actually made the thing fall out of my hand. It went up so far but i couldnt get it any further up tried several times but gave up. Any advice would be good.

    • Hello
      Sorry to hear you had difficulties. Everyone’s prostate is in a slightly different place, so maybe yours is further up… with this in mind, what size prostate massager did you use? You may need a longer one or one which has a more acute angle to the tip. Was it a vibrating one or static? Finally I would always advise anal douching beforehand so you can be sure the area is entirely free and clean, ready for internal stimulation from the toy.
      Good luck in your future adventures

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