Sex Tips: How to foreplay and why it’s so important
Foreplay. You’ve probably heard of it, but how much do you really know about it? Perhaps you’ve written it off as one of those things sex experts keep going on about, and idly wondered whether it’s really necessary. Maybe you file it under ‘what couples need to do to get their sex life back on track’.
I am going to explain why foreplay is hugely important for your sex life (yes, yours), and as a bonus, teach you how to do it. And do it well.
So what is foreplay, really? Foreplay isn’t just something that couples do together before sex, although this is admittedly the most common usage of the term. You can also enjoy a form of foreplay on your own when learning more about your own pleasure during masturbation and ‘me-time’. For the most part, foreplay is everything you can do which leads to sexual arousal.
It’s important to learn about foreplay and how to do it (and do it well, don’t forget) so that you can become a more caring lover for your partner. Not only will you soon be named their Ultimate Sex God or Goddess, you will also make sure that sex is actually comfortable for both of you, which in turn will lead to you having even more (moar!) sex. What’s not to like?
Although our bodies can certainly be ready for sex in an instant, especially men who require an erection for penetrative sex, our minds can take a while to catch up. Being mid-way through sexual intercourse when your brain has barely recognised that you’re now ‘obligated’ to feel aroused is not enjoyable or arousing for anyone involved.
For women, it’s even more important that there is a meeting of mind and body when it comes to arousal. The vagina produces natural lubricant, for sure – but this will occur more readily and comfortably once the woman involved is adequately turned on. Signals from the brain are responded to in kind by the body, making the vagina ready to be penetrated with the comfort afforded by her natural lubrication – as well as her mental stimulation and arousal levels.
Although I have discussed male and female PIV (penis in vagina) sex here, foreplay is not a hetero exclusive or binary gender affair either. Regardless of your particular gender, sexuality orientation or the type of sex you want to have, it will be much more comfortable, enjoyable and satisfying if both (or all) parties have given a bit of thought to the foreplay beforehand. Spending time on foreplay as a caring, passionate event of its own instead of a rushed, obligatory chore will make those involved feel cared about by their partner, will allow their bodies to relax ready for the next step in the sexual session and ensure that their minds as well as their bodies are ready to proceed with the sexual adventure.
You can enjoy foreplay on your own too although this is a less common definition when generally discussing foreplay. The time you devote to your body during masturbation and ‘me-time’, all counts as foreplay. In fact, masturbation can play an important part of couples’ foreplay by itself; whether done to arouse your mind before you meet with your partner, over long distance such as telephone or webcam sex, or in front of your partner to explore exhibitionist and voyeur fantasies.
How on earth do you ‘do’ foreplay? It’s a matter of taking your time to find out both what you enjoy; sexually, physically and mentally – as well as what your partner enjoys. There’s a rich variety of ways in which you can experience foreplay and make it a substantial and effective part of your sex life.
Foreplay Top Tips
- Talk to each other about what makes you feel happy and satisfied with your sex life, what you like being done to your body, and what turn-ons and well as turn-offs you have. Communication is all-important.
- Ask your partner what they would like you to do to them and if there are any fantasies they haven’t yet revealed which you could help fulfil.
- Once you get to the bedroom, make sure you have all the necessary essentials close to hand. It’s really not conducive to an erotic atmosphere to run out of lube or battery power at just the wrong moment, or to spend 20 minutes hunting for condoms.
- Don’t rush straight into sex, the chances are your partner won’t be entirely ready to receive you even if you feel suitably mentally and physically ready.
- Tease both yourself and your partner by deliberately waiting before sex. Explore each others’ bodies, staying away from the sexual zones for quite some time and paying attention to possibly neglected yet sensitive areas; their neck, back, face, hands, thighs and wherever you both find out that you enjoy connecting.
- Introduce some sensual massage oil or sex lubricants which double as massage gels. A frictionless glide between bodies can heighten the enjoyment of an erotic massage session, as well as encouraging the body to produce that natural lubricant. The feel of your lover’s hands on you with the assistance of massage oils will help to arouse your mind and senses, urging your body to follow.
- Don’t underestimate the power of your hands and fingers. They’re not just for holding each other or ‘guiding it in’, your fingers are amazing foreplay tools in their own right. A light touch between her labia once she’s becoming more aroused, or a gentle stroke down the shaft of his lubricated penis can lead to firmer and bolder strokes as the sex session progresses. If you’re interested in roleplay, erotic spanking can become a fantastic accompaniment to foreplay and intimate scenes before any actual sexual intercourse takes place.
- Kissing can become a neglected part of a couples’ intimate life together, especially in long term relationships. Kissing is an enjoyable way for couples to bond and feel connected before sex or without the need for sex right in that moment.
- Your mouth and tongue are also fantastic tools for the arousal of your partner, before sex happens. Kissing other parts of their body than their mouth can be incredibly intoxicating and the discovery of new sensitive areas will be a sure-fire route to mental as well as physical seduction.
- If you’re still not sure about how to turn your partner on, or you feel you’d both like to try something other than manual stimulation with fingers and mouth, why not experiment with a few sex toys? There is a wealth of couples’ massagers and sex toys you can use during foreplay to add anything from a teasing tingle to a bonk-tastic buzz. Take a look at vibrators for newbies, cock rings you can both enjoy and bullet vibrators for erogenous zone stimulation.
Remember, foreplay isn’t limited to couples in a relationship. The skills and secrets you learn during your masturbation sessions will help guide you through sex with lovers whether you’re in a relationship with them or not. As long as you stay safe and are honest with everyone involved, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t enjoy an active and enjoyable sex life as a single person.
For those in a relationship, devoting time and attention to the art of foreplay will lead to a fuller and more satisfying sex life. In addition, the exploration of each others’ bodies will make you feel more connected as a couple and strengthen your relationship bond. They feel more cared about as a whole, and you enjoy a comfortable, passionate romp every time you decide to have sex.
Is foreplay important? Most definitely. Next time you decide to have sex, don’t just skip the appetiser and dive into the main event. Put the foreplay tips we’ve discussed above into practice – and become the sensitive, understanding, patient and amazing lover that they deserve.