Having worked in adult retail for 5 years, I’m no stranger to penning a sexy Christmas gift guide or 10. However it’s fair to say most of my work focuses on product marketing, even though buying the right things for sexy time does not a master make.
I could tell you which toys and lingerie I rate highest as we wrap up 2015, but if you haven’t done the ground work – there’s little point in your spending £$£$ on gear. As is becoming a bit of a Cara Sutra tradition, I’d like to deviate from the obvious Christmas gift guides and focus on some advice we can all get on board with.
If you want to have a truly sexy Christmas, here are my top tips for making this festive holiday season fun, romantic and erotic…
1. Set a Budget and Stick to It
Christmas isn’t about bankrupting yourself to materially shower your partner, so figure out what you can afford before you start eyeing up the produce. We’re inclined to get carried away and overspend if we don’t plan and budget, so take a look at your means before you get distracted by sales and window shopping. Nothing will kill a sexy vibe at Christmas like money troubles, and material possessions come pretty low down on most of our life goal lists.
2. Give the Gift of Time
Christmas holidays offer some much-needed time off, even if it’s just the day itself that you get to share with loved ones. Take a look at your calendar and figure out how much time you have to offer this Christmas – and set some of it aside for just you and your partner. You’ll want to visit friends/family and you may have children to factor in, but even if you only get a few hours to spare – spare them for some couple time as a priority.
The easiest pathway to a sexy Christmas is a romantic one and that means ensuring you and your lover are alone together enjoying some quality couple time. Spending time with one another without life pressures will improve your mood and help you both forget any recent stresses or rows. By getting back to basics and making time for your relationship, you stand a much better chance of having a raunchy Crimbo.
3. It’s ALL About Chemistry
Love and a feeling of sexiness can be attributed to relatively few biochemicals, one of which is oxytocin – the bonding hormone. By upping levels of oxytocin in your and your partner’s bodies, you naturally create an improved pair-bond and boost the likelihood of sexy times.
Oxytocin is released when you touch, kiss and cuddle, so something as simple as curling up next to each other and watching a film can do wonders (Netflix and chill, anyone?). Oxytocin doesn’t just make you more inclined to be sexually intimate, it also has a stress-relieving effect on your body. In other words, the more time you spend being relaxed and physically loving in a non-sexual way, the happier/less stressed and more satisfied with your relationship you’re likely to feel. Good times!
4. Be a Better Partner
It’s all well and good planning the sexiest Christmas possible but you need to do the background work to make it a reality. If you’re distant, aggravated, stressed or otherwise not being as good a partner as you know you can be – now is the time to act! Your relationship needs to be in a good place to facilitate the sexy Christmas you crave.
It’s pretty hard to balance a loving relationship with the stresses of modern life, but a conscious state of awareness goes a long way toward making your partnership happier. In the lead-up to the holidays, be mindful of the strains you and your partner place on your love for one another and be proactive in counteracting them. Placing all of your hope on Christmas rekindling things is a set-up for disappointment and inadvertently adds more stress to the situation. If one thing goes wrong, you may be looking at a messy downward spiral.
You need to be working toward your sexy Christmas long before the holidays start by being more loving, less self-involved and extra mindful as to how your life pressures can impact your relationship if handled badly. This means cutting back on rows and being thoughtful about how you express your negative emotions. Before you react to a situation, take 5 seconds to breathe and collect your thoughts. Those extra seconds can be a difference between a blazing row and a more tactful approach to problem solving.
5. Do Something Wonderful
Gifts are great but they pale in comparison to what you can do for your lover. Very little feels as good as being loved, cherished and appreciated – not even a Chanel handbag. Instead of focusing on what you can stick under the tree, make it a priority to do something wonderful for your partner. Paint the spare room, take them for a picnic in the woods (weather permitting), offer to have the kids while they go on a night out… whatever it is that your partner feels will make their life happier and easier, it’s a great time to step-up and provide as part of your sexy Christmas strategy.
Not only will your partner feel a warm and fuzzy for your efforts, you’ll get the same when you see their appreciation by return. Awww! Gestures don’t have to be big, see what time you can spare and ask yourself what you can do to make your lover smile.
6. A Sexy Christmas Isn’t About Sex
In case it needed saying outright; Aiming for sex will not make your Christmas sexier. You can buy all of the best sex toys in the world and wrap them up under the tree, but if your partner isn’t feeling the love – they’ll end up alongside the 3rd wooden cheeseboard you’ve been gifted in as many years.
Sex within a relationship is a consequence of deep love and intimacy, and those things are symptomatic of a healthy, happy relationship. Before you go all guns blazing with the rose petals, massage oils and pneumatic vibrators, ask yourself what you can do to improve your loving interactions. With the right mindset and some work towards improving your relationship, sexiness will flourish in response to your improved relationship.
If you’ve put the time in to be benefiting from an romantically intimate relationship in the lead up to Xmas Day, then you’re safe to start your sexy shopping. Unless your partner is heavily interested in sex toys, avoid spending the majority of your Christmas budget on sexy times – it rarely goes down well. With your budget in mind, ask yourself what your partner would like the most. It’s easy to run off on a personal fantasy mission with a basket full of sexy lingerie and edible lubricants, but if your partner hasn’t indicated a strong preference for those things – you’re kind of shopping for yourself.
Ask yourself what your partner likes in the bedroom. If they get really turned on by massage, try massage oils and candles as a gift. If they love lingerie, their underwear drawer holds the secret formula. Partial to bullet vibrators? Read up on the best-reviewed upgrades. Picking a sexy gift is part bedroom Batman, part research Oracle. Gather the clues as to what they’re into and then read up on different options online. Cara’s site has more sex toy and lubricant reviews than you can shake a stick at, so it’s a great place to start your hunt.
– Hella Rude
About the author: Hella Rude works as a freelance writer, model, adult e-commerce consultant and occasional TV presenter and actress. You can find her sassy, sensational and downright sexy writings at her author page here at Cara Sutra.