How To Rekindle The Passion In A Long Term Relationship
By Cara Sutra
Keeping the fires of passion stoked and alive in a long term relationship can be incredibly challenging. You love your partner dearly, but trying to capture that first impetuous rush of emotion and the sensations of being newly in love is difficult even for couples with incredibly strong emotional bonds.
Once the honeymoon period is well and truly over, you may find that you settle into a routine sex life as a couple. You learn about what each other likes, sexually, and continue to build on your intimate knowledge of one another to create a fulfilling sex life you both regularly enjoy. Over time though, what was once a pleasurable and satisfying sex life can often transform into a dull, monotonous and predictable routine which lacks excitement and the spark of something new.
How can you make sure that your long term relationship doesn’t fall into this trap? Here are my top 20 ideas to help rekindle the passion in your long term relationship:
Sending each other sexy texts can often be easier than the same conversation face to face. Once the inhibitions of an ‘out loud’ conversation are out of the way, you’re both free to share those deepest desires which will turn each other on. You don’t have to share pictures if you don’t want; words can create erotic visuals which often transcend exchanging sexy selfies.
2 Tell each other your wildest fantasies
Setting aside some intimate time either in the bedroom or away from it to talk about the sex fantasies you harbour will strengthen your intimacy as a couple. There’s an underlying sense of trust when you share such personal and revealing thoughts, and this can be a huge turn-on for both you and your partner.
3 Surprise them by wearing new lingerie or underwear
Ditch the grey saggies and make an effort! It’s all too easy to think that what you wear doesn’t matter once you move past the seductions of the honeymoon period. Although it’s true that they should ‘love you anyway’, we’re all quite visual creatures on some level. Become perfect boudoir eye-candy by investing in some sexy lingerie or deliciously erotic underwear.
4 Leave handwritten notes around the house for them to find, or send old fashioned love letters through the post
There is something incredibly touching about receiving a written note or letter in this more digital era. Someone has gone to the trouble of writing a message to you, about you, in a very tangible form. When a note or letter contains erotic thoughts they’re even more precious – and inspire the sexy activities described within to be played out in real life.
5 Indulge in some cyber sex, using an online messenger
Talking of being in a digital age, most people have at least one application for online messaging. Whether it’s MSN, Yahoo, Skype or other, give your partner a pleasant surprise by starting a sexy typed chat – even if you’re in the same building. Whether the camera gets switched on is up to you… but these chats do have a tendency to get steamy, fast!
Nobody knows all there is to know about sex and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. More to the point: we’re all unique, therefore what stimulates one person may be entirely wrong for another. Educate yourselves on what types of stimulation and sex positions have been discovered and researched by buying some sex books. These advice guides often come with illustrations and photographs which will both arouse you while reading and help you to try them out together.
7 Shop for exciting new sex toys together
While you’re shopping for some sex manuals, take a look at the couples’ vibrators which are available. Sex toys are no longer solely for masturbation, there are many which can be used as part of a couple, even during couples’ sex, to enhance stimulation for both partners. If you haven’t used sex toys before, you might wish to check out vibrators for newbies to get used to the feeling of vibrating stimulation. Get the low-down and read this guide to buying your perfect first sex toy here.
8 Book a hotel for a night or two and enjoy a dirty weekend away
A change is as good as a rest – so instead of taking a break from your sex life, change the scenery! A night or two in the new and plush surroundings of a hotel will help give a fresh start feeling. Pack your sex toys and sex advice books, your sexy lingerie and focus on this valuable time together re-establishing the sensual part of your relationship.
9 Learn the sensual art of erotic massage
A satisfying intimate long term relationship with each other doesn’t have to be all about the sex. Erotic massage without a focus on penetration will help reassert each others’ confidence that there is a strong attraction between you which surpasses a routine bonk every now and then. Buy some massage oils or the ambient glow and scent of erotic massage candles, and give long, languid strokes to relax your partner’s naked form.
10 Read erotica out loud to each other
If you want to give dirty talking a go but have no idea what to say, or feel a little silly trying, then why not use erotic words which have already been crafted by the experts? Erotic books are very affordable for all budgets, whether you prefer the hard copy (ooh-er) or e-books for Kindle or other digital reader. Read a passage out loud to each other, taking turns… and feel the temperature rise!
11 Choose some porn you’ll both enjoy and watch it together
If late night TV has replaced any semblance of a passionate love life, try more appropriate viewing. There are categories of porn made for pretty much all tastes and you can buy adult DVDs discreetly on the internet. Shop together and choose a film you’ll both enjoy – then turn those cosy snuggles into rampant sex.
Another erotic alternative to late night telly when you’re in a long term relationship is playing an adult board game together. There are many couples sex games available, the most famous of which is Monogamy. These fun sex based games are sure to give your own imaginations a boost and offer rewards and sexy punishments which you wouldn’t have thought of trying otherwise.
13 Focus on foreplay, not simply penetrative sex
When sex does eventually happen, is it a case of wham, bam, thank you Ma’am (or Sir)? Feeling like sex is simply an obligatory, peg-in-hole chore isn’t conducive to a passion-filled sex life. Focussing on foreplay instead of the penetrative aspect will help combat this hazard. Commit to spending at least 30 minutes on exploring each others’ bodies whether you use tools such as an erotic massage candle, the light touch of a feather or your finger tips and tongue before penetration. When it finally happens, you’ll both be super-charged for an explosive finale.
14 Reserve special time for date nights or sensual nights in with just your partner
Modern life is hectic and busy, whether it’s the obligations of a stressful job or managing a household and family. Often it’s all three. Understandably, adult time alone as a loving couple in a long term relationship sadly becomes rare or even a thing of the past. Schedule time with just your partner, whether a date night out of the house to talk over a romantic meal, or snuggling in the back row of the cinema. You could even ban work and electronics one evening alone at home to concentrate on building sensual intimacy together.
As we’ve already stated, a change of scenery can work wonders and this applies to your sex life too. Sex doesn’t have to be relegated to the bedroom. Lock the bathroom door and enjoy a sexy soap down together in the shower, or enjoy aquatic erotic adventures together in the bath. If you’re lucky enough to have the house to yourself, you could simply lock the front door then choose a room. The feeling of being ‘naughty’ will just add to the erotic atmosphere.
16 Make your own sex tape
Newsflash: you don’t have to be a celeb to make a sex tape. What you do need, is to trust one another not to share it beyond the two of you. Once that important ingredient is in place, set up the camera and perform as if you were the world’s greatest porn stars. Even if you’re too self-conscious to watch the finished product, you’ll both have a fantastic time making the video and allows you both to safely experience a thrilling taste of voyeur/exhibitionist sex.
17 Take it outside with discreet but erotic public pleasure
Whilst dogging isn’t for everyone, there’s definitely an enticing edge to being naughty outdoors where anyone could see you. It doesn’t even have to mean having full on sex in the garden or your local woods. Wearing a butt plug out of the house at your partner’s ‘command’ gives them a knowing twinkle in their eye and an all over tingle for you which no-one else will have a clue about. There are also remote control vibrators which hands control to your partner while your stimulation in public is entirely at their mercy.
An area of sexuality you might not have considered is BDSM and kinky roleplay. It doesn’t have to be scary and frightening – you can read this beginner’s guide to bondage and BDSM for an in depth look at introducing bondage and spanking to your sex life. With a focus on erotic sensuality rather than pain and discipline, your sex life could really benefit from experimenting with bondage sex toys.
19 Roleplay as if you were strangers
Remember when you were in the first flush of attraction to your partner? They were someone you were aware of, attracted to, but you didn’t know them all that well. It can be fun to relive those times when you were strangers, through the power of roleplay. This is often easier when out at a bar or in a restaurant. You don’t even have to play yourselves; act the part of someone with an enthralling profession or an enticingly mysterious background. Dress up for the part (find sexy roleplay costumes here) and stay in character all the way up to when your seduction is complete.
20 Talk about your masturbation habits and frequency
Being honest with each other about your masturbation habits and routine will help you understand each other’s sex drive needs as well as what really gets them off when it comes down to it being about physical release alone. Masturbation is a healthy and normal part of adult life and nothing to be ashamed of or hidden. In fact, why not make mutual masturbation or watching each other masturbate a part of foreplay? You could learn new ways in which they like to be pleasured and the voyeur/exhibitionist aspect surfaces once again to take your sex life to the next level.
I hope that you find success using the above ideas as a quick start guide to a more satisfying sex life in your long term relationship. With a fresh outlook on your sex life with your partner, you will soon be as compatible and passionate between the sheets as you are harmonious in every other aspect of your lives.
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