Happy National Orgasm Day 2015
Since the Great National Orgasm Day of 2014, in which I was outed to the nation as a ‘professional sex toy tester’, a whole year has flown by quicker than a wank with a Doxy Wand on top speed.
It’s National Orgasm Day 2015 and, although I’m not shaking my dildos in the red tops (*deep breath* Daily Mail, Daily Star, The Mirror, Metro, The New York Post et al) this year, I’d like to talk to you about the sounds of an orgasm.
As you’re here reading my sex blog I’d hope you all know what an orgasm is. Although they don’t *ahem* come easy for everyone, most adults can stimulate themselves to a sexual climax whether alone or with the help of a partner. Some people use sex toys which can be very effective if you find manual orgasms difficult to achieve, others can rub or stroke themselves until the peak of physical satisfaction. An orgasm happens when the sexual nerve endings in our genitals are stimulated to an overloaded sensory level. The result is intense sexual pleasure which is felt by different people in different ways. For men, an orgasm is usually accompanied by ejaculation, though ‘dry orgasms’ are possible.
Orgasms are so addictive that most sexually active adults – and I mean ‘active’ whether the sexual activity is alone or with someone else – engage in sexually stimulation frequently. Sex in society has moved beyond merely being for the purposes of reproduction; an enlightened view of women’s part is sex and a greater understanding of female sexuality has helped with that. Sex education about the importance and function of foreplay, and advice given to men and women (regardless of sexuality) about how they can best please themselves and their partners in the bedroom have led to a major celebration of carnal pleasure without shame or guilt.
The way people orgasm is as unique as the individual themselves. Some orgasm with a grunt, some with a scream, some with a sigh, some with a keening wail, others mew and some might emit just the barest whisper of sound. There’s no right or wrong ways to orgasm, but most people are agreed that whatever an orgasm sounds like it’s always incredibly hot. Although much of the focus in the porn industry is on visuals, naked bodies, tits, ass, cock and so forth, the viewer’s pleasure is often heightened by watching and hearing the actor or actress reach orgasm. Many women love to watch men jack off – or other women reaching climax. Gay men might choose to enjoy man-on-man porn as an accompaniment to masturbation or to enjoy with their partner. Most straight men get off watching and hearing a woman reach orgasm, either frigging themselves or being fucked by a male partner or with the help of another woman’s fingers, tongue or thrusting sex toy in a lesbian porn sex scene. I’ll bet even conjuring up those images are stirring the first tendrils of arousal – and it’s not just the images. The sounds of an orgasm flick the sex switch in our brains. Hearing another person close to their orgasmic destination makes us want to feel that sensation for ourselves – almost like seeing another person yawn triggers that response.
So… are you a screamer? We’ve talked about how orgasms feel, why they’re so awesome and the ways in which they can be achieved… but what are your personal sounds of orgasm?
I find that sometimes I realise I’m giving what I call ‘performance orgasms’ when I’m with a sex partner. Because I understand that they’re enjoying the visuals of my pleasure, I want to make that even better for them by audibly reassuring them that I’m really enjoying myself. Getting noisier when reaching orgasm is often a wordless way to communicate to your partner how near to orgasm you really are, so they can decide any actions they want to take. To speed up thrusting into you, or to make sure they keep that vibrator in just the right spot, or to tweak a nipple a little harder, or to lean over and kiss away that orgasmic scream, or just to sit back and enjoy watching the orgasm happen like a privileged voyeur.
Despite giving ‘performance orgasms’ and being a noisy lover for both my own and my partner’s enjoyment, I am capable of reaching orgasm almost silently. Maybe this is an after-effect of the curse of ‘parental sex’, where new babies and thin walls and ever-growing enquiring kids all combine to make masturbation, sex and orgasms something hidden and silent behind a locked door in the dark of the night. Although there have been sex droughts due to having a family (which I know almost sounds like a contradiction) I believe that learning to come quietly has made me a more versatile lover – and I mean during self-love too. I’m not just talking about being able to sneak to the bathroom after dinner and bang one out quietly with the bullet vibrator I have hidden under the sink. Having the choice of being a noisy fuck or keeping quiet opens up quite a few kinky possibilities.
It is amazingly hot to have an orgasm in secret when people are in the next room, or you have visitors over and you slip away for a quick one, or even to rub one out in the work bathroom if that’s more your thing. You don’t have to have a partner to enjoy the naughty extent of your imagination, but if you do, then they can join in the fun too. Challenge them to go and have an orgasm in private when you have people round for dinner, or if you’re out in a restaurant, pub or club, or sext them til they’re on the verge of orgasming at their desk at work and dare them to go sort it out in the toilets and give you the full report.
Combining an active sex life and living in a house full of people – whether other adults or your kids – can often be a challenge. We like to turn this challenge into a kinky opportunity in itself. During foreplay or even after penetrative sex he’ll motion for me to get a vibrator (quiet is best for this) and to stimulate myself to almost-orgasm. He’ll remind me that I have to be quiet, and the combination of full-on arousal and having to keep myself silent at the same time, while he’s enjoying my struggle, just adds to the mental stimulation which in turn makes the physical stimulation much more effective, much quicker. When I do finally orgasm, he often has his hand clamped over my mouth so I can yelp into it safely, or he’ll place his mouth over mine to swallow my squeals with a kiss, or other times he’ll simply sit back and enjoy my struggle to orgasm as silently as I can.
No matter what your personal sounds of orgasm are, it’s always responsible to act appropriately to your environment. That means that if granny’s downstairs it’s perhaps not a great idea to whack up the Doxy to full, open the windows to give the neighbours an earful as well, and scream out your full-body orgasm long and loud and clear.
I hope everyone enjoys this national celebration of orgasms, whatever your volume level. There’s no shame in finding that peak of adult pleasure however it comes for you. I’d love to hear your comments below relating to your sounds of orgasm, if yours are a secret or a scream, and perhaps some funny orgasmic anecdotes if anyone dares to share.
Happy National Orgasm Day everyone!
– Cara xxx