What Is A Sexpert? Lose The Sexpert Label And Get Real

What Is A Sexpert? Lose The Sexpert Label And Get Real

By Cara Sutra

What is a sexpert? What makes someone a sexpert? Nothing, really. I could just as confidently announce that I am, in fact, Santa. There are no qualifications that lead to someone being titled an official ‘sexpert’ (notice how it’s usually in quotes, denoting something unofficial or for merely for creative merit). Official sexuality, psychology or relationship qualifications usually lead to a doctorate – and those who achieve these worked-for-in-earnest, admirable qualifications rarely if ever identify with the casually thrown around sexpert label.

What is a sexpert lose the label and get real

Why Is Sexpert A Popular Label?

Why is this careless term so common? Much of its popularity comes from the usual marketing bullshit of making words look or sound pretty on the page, whether that’s in a print bio or pock marked through an internet article. I even see some who base much of their website optimisation around the ‘sexpert’ term, helping it retain its popularity as a keyword in the sex industry. The creation must have fallen together in some marketing gurus office one day. Hey guys! I’ve just realised the last two letters of ‘sex’ are the first two letters of ‘expert’. Oh, sweet! Now we can cut ‘n shut a brand new word which will be as trendy as a decaf mocha frap to go.

I despair. I have sore eyes from rolling them so much.

Don’t Call Me A Sexpert

You will notice that I don’t call myself a sexpert. I will admit that some of my bios out there in print and on the web use the term ‘sex expert’ (two separate words, both of which actually exist). I’m not proud of myself and unreservedly apologise. This is usually for optimisation purposes, not because I actually think I am an expert in sex.

Talking of sex experts, what makes someone an expert in sex anyway? Having lots of it? Watching lots of it? Whatever your experiences, they will remain just that; your own experiences. You could study anatomy, physiology and psychology in great depth, but I’d wager that will really only ever give you a broad and standard oversight of the human body and mind. Scientific exploration can’t hope to touch upon the breathy, sweaty, spine-tingling eroticism of two hot bodies nakedly crashing together for filthy wet hole fucking and screeching, leg-kicking orgasms, particularly after long periods of torturously teasing mental foreplay.

We Are Unique

What is a sexpert lose the label and get real stampy pants rantA scene, smell, taste or part of the body which turns one person on until their brain screams ORGASM NOW may send another person running for the hills without so much as a glance behind. Sometimes even literally. How do you explain fetishes such as sploshing, ageplay, tit torture, looning (balloon fetish) or furry roleplay? There are niches in sexuality and eroticism because we are all unique. Humanity should stop trying to pigeonhole unique people into categories and labels. Except for that unique one, obviously. Personally, I think we should all agree on one rule for all human nature and sexuality: there really are no rules.*

If you’ve had a lot of sex then you still might want to call yourself a ‘sexpert’. True, you’re an expert in all areas pertaining to YOUR sex. Ok, not all of us are experts even in that area, but at least you’ve actually experienced all the sex you’ve had (even if we can’t remember some of it. –guilty face-). Whether it’s from mental memory, muscle memory or nerve memories, you somehow know what turns you on. If not clarified consciously then your mind and body does the work and responds for you.

Sometimes we can’t even explain why something turns us on – it just does. Hot or not? All a matter of personal choice. One piece of porn or erotica will do it for us, another will be cast aside having failed to hit ‘the spot’. What’s ‘the spot’? Our personal core of eroticism and sex. Can someone else ever really claim to be an expert on that? Nope.

Pretty But Useless

So if you fancy calling yourself a ‘sexpert’, go ahead. I can’t stop you. All I can do is point out how silly it is and refuse to do so myself. I would also ask that I don’t get referred to as a sexpert – although I know some will continue to do so anyway. Fine, I get it – it’s a pretty word, it’s fun to say and it rolls right off the tongue into your Twitter streams and blog posts. But it’s all sex and fury, signifying nothing.



*except for moral legalities, age of consent, consent etc etc

Read more of my Stampy Pants Rants here

What Is A Sexpert Lose The Sexpert Label And Get Real

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  1. 100% agree with this assessment. The term ‘sexpert’ makes me cringe as well, and, I feel, it devalues the work that people actually do in sex research. Even if one does have a degree in human sexuality of some sort and spends their life researching for the good of the sex, can they (or should they) really call themselves an expert if they’re being critical of what sexuality is and how MUCH there is to it? I’ve been flustered by the flippant use of the word lately (also because it sounds so silly) so I’m thankful to have someone else say the words I was thinking!

  2. […] Usually the term “sexologist” makes me cringe (see also “sexpert” and this wonderful rant by leading sex blogger Cara Sutra), as today it’s often used a little too liberally by people […]

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