Slamming on the brakes to find myself

I feel like I’m becoming a cold, corporate thing that isn’t really me. I’ve lost some of what makes me a person in my writing, in my blogging. I feel so privileged to be offered so much writing work, but recently I’ve been a writing machine. Churning out my best research, thoughts, tailored opinions and experiences for the delectation of various audiences. Marketing writing and promotions, features, columns and spotlights, admins and advert placement and promotional tweets, optimisation and backlinks and answering countless emails that never end. Sales advice, product advice, digital marketing advice, blogging advice.

I’m the sex blogger that doesn’t have time to sex blog. Time to hit the brakes. When it gets to the point that I’m writing and working through the night to keep up with everything, it’s not fun anymore. When I’m struggling to see the screen through a blurry haze at 3pm, it’s not fun anymore. When anything related to sex in my personal life becomes mentally categorised as work, it’s not fun anymore.

It’s time to rediscover the me that was. The fun me. The sex loving me. The opinionated, flawed, creative, life-loving me. The regular personal blogging me.

I have said no more times this past two weeks than I have in my entire sex industry career. It’s been very difficult. Not only have I said no to incoming work, I’ve said “sorry, but I can’t do this” to things I’ve initially said yes to, mistakenly. I regret those the most. I have terrible guilt and I feel like I’ve let people down.

But you see this around you, the regular posts, giveaways, marketing, info features? This isn’t a team, it’s just me. One real person, juggling typing at home in between cooking, cleaning, raising two kids. This isn’t a resignation, just putting the brakes on a little while to rediscover the life loving me that can sleep, then sleep without nightmares, and doesn’t live every waking moment in terror of having forgotten to do something on the urgent list.

I look forward to writing – blogging – and welcoming back Cara. Not corporate Cara Sutra – The Brand. Just me. Cara. The blogger. The person. The reality.

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