Sex, lies, videotape and being a decent person

Should you make a sex tape?
Should you take sexy nude selfies?
Should you send naked photos of yourself to another person?
Should you ever do ‘revenge porn’, sharing someone’s naked photos or sex tapes without their permission?

sex lies videotape and being a decent person

It’s been a while, but the questions above are still on the lips of millions around the world. From breakfast TV to radio shows and click-baiting journo headlines on social media, it seems that everyone wants to know exactly what the rules are concerning ‘making a sex tape’, ‘taking & sending sexy selfies’ and ‘showing someone’s naked pics to other people’.

It stemmed most recently from the Apple Cloud service hack aka Celebgate which allowed access to certain nude photos which were understandably in immediate demand; such as of celebrities like Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton and Kirsten Dunst amongst many others. These leaked celebrity naked photos were placed on a sub-Reddit page entitled The Fappening which has since been closed down. The world lit up with questions and speculation.


How did the Apple Cloud service get hacked?

Are my pictures and other media really safe on such services?

What on earth were these celebrities thinking?

Is it right to take these sort of pictures – and especially if you’re a celebrity?

and of course the predictable…

What did the pictures look like?!


The questions right at the start of this article seem to have been added by much of the popular media and those who encourage interaction from readers, followers and viewers.

Now this is totally my own opinion here, but surely being a decent person dictates that you don’t show someone’s sexy goodies off to all and sundry, or even one other person, if you haven’t got explicit permission, excuse the pun. If you don’t have consent to share said pictures, video, whatever type of media it is – then don’t. It doesn’t even just apply to sexy selfies, sex tapes and naked photos – this is usual courteous practice when it comes to sharing an image that someone has taken which you’ve found on the internet. Could be of anything. A kitten, a flower, a bridge, a vibrator. Don’t just take it and share it on your blog – ask permission first. Or at least make sure consent to share/use it is apparent by it being labelled under Creative Commons licence. Same with snippets and excerpts of someone’s writing.

For me at least, consent isn’t just relevant and needed in BDSM practices, it’s relevant to all aspects of life. There’s a thread of it in the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. I’m not talking about spanking everyone in sight if you’re after a spanking – it’s more a case of treating people with respect, just as you’d want to be shown respect.

I can completely understand the rage that comes from someone cheating on you. Needing to exact revenge and doing the first thing that comes to mind – posting up those nude pics to some internet forum so unknown millions can ogle that cheating ex and you can feel some kind of righteous vindication. That’s not the same as saying it’s the right thing to do, though. It’s really not. Go punch a pillow or something. No matter the details of the end of a relationship, nothing in this world gives you the right to post up the naked photos or sexual video from another person, or send them to your friends. Nothing.

There are those who think it doesn’t matter if the subject of said photos or tape is a celebrity. They put themselves in the public eye, they’re just asking for it, right? It’s surely just another type of publicity and the celeb is eventually gonna be grateful when the extra ££ or $$ come rolling into their bank account? Wrong. It doesn’t matter who it is, sharing naked photos or sex tapes without the person’s knowledge and consent is immoral, unethical and makes you a not very nice person. Taking those shots or tape without the person’s knowledge just makes you a lowlife peeping Tom; I would go so far as to say scum of the earth. Ugh, paparazzi, as Lady Gaga iterated.

sex lies videotape and being a decent person

Then there is the school of thought that perhaps people just shouldn’t take sexy selfies, naked photos of themselves or record sex tapes for the entertainment and titillation of themselves and any they choose to share them with. I can’t articulate clearly enough how cross this makes me. To try and leave a person without the right to take any photographs of their own body, without the right to own naked photos of themselves, sexy movies of themselves with or without a partner who also consents to being filmed, and without the right to share this media with people they so choose… surely this is a breach of our rights as free willed, autonomous human beings and insulting to say the least. We are not children. We are adults. We have sexual desires and lusts. Others may find them perverse at times. We are all unique and individual. We don’t have to share our perverse desires with any who would object. Within the confines of our own bedrooms (or wherever you choose to get sexy) the only consent that matters is that of the people involved. Sod anyone and everyone who tries to quantify, limit or block consenting, fully aware adults from engaging in the sex acts of their choice. This is 2014, do we not yet deserve some kind of freedom in this regard?

If I want to take a naked photo of myself and send it to someone (who has asked for it, by the way – sending unsolicited naked pictures contravenes the consent rule as they haven’t consented to receive it) then I damn well will do. If I want to regularly send sexy selfies to my partner as part of our long term understanding and relationship, as part of foreplay and general sexy life, then I will do. If I want to make a sex tape with my partner or other consenting lover and keep it on a private file that I don’t expect anyone else to tap into, never mind share, then I will do. If I perhaps naively want to believe that any partner of mine that I share said media with will not ever share these items with anyone I don’t consent to, never mind the world at large on the internet, regardless of our relationship status at the time, then I will do.

(Psst… read this beginner’s guide to taking the best sexy selfies)

I believe everyone in the world has these rights too, celebrity or Joe/Jane Bloggs on the street.

So here’s what I think:

Should you make a sex tape?

If you want to and if you have the consent of everyone involved that will be filmed. Keep it safe and be clear to those involved that if they have a copy, you do not want it shared without consent – to anyone. Do not post others’ sex tapes anywhere without their permission.

Should you take sexy nude selfies?

If you want to, following the same lines of consent and respect as above.

Should you send naked photos of yourself to another person?

If you want to, if you have their permission to send them and if you trust that they will not share them with another person or the internet without your consent and approval.

Should you ever do ‘revenge porn’, sharing someone’s naked photos or sex tapes without their permission?

NO. Absolutely not; never.


As I’ve said above, this is all my own opinion and you’re welcome to disagree. Just remind me not to privately send you any naked photos or secret sex tapes.

Official Stampy Pants Rant

– Cara Sutra

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