Why Disney prince penis offends me

snow-white-fagThere’s a Jezebel article doing the rounds about what Disney princes’ penises look like. It must have gone viral by now, as it has cropped up several times on my social media feeds.

Perhaps I’m the only one not amused by this. I know, I’m risking a Queen Victoria comparison.

I get that sex is super, smashing, great (look at what you could’ve won) and at times, hilarious, addictive and sensational. Take a look around my site and I think you’ll soon realise that I’m no prude. I just have no idea why so many insist on ‘sexing up’ parts of life that don’t call for it and have been created specifically without any trace of sex. Love and romance, yes. Not hot, sweaty, ‘ram me up against the wall and stick your fist into my pre-lubed cavities’ sex.

Due to a number of reasons, most notably my unusual upbringing and consequential struggles to fit into normal life, I feel over protective of Disney and similar animated works. They’re designed to be not only family friendly but the classic Disney movies are incredibly endearing with their focus on innocence and unbelievably clear ethics when it comes to good and evil. Maybe with the exception of Who Framed Roger Rabbit – that barely seems like it was made by Disney at all.

Every so often a contact sends me some Disney porn Tumblr link, or a sexed up Disney scene on Twitter or by email. There doesn’t seem to be a clear distinction between vanilla and fetish; from the Beast fucking Belle with his great furry wolf type penis to Snow White being chained up in a dungeon and lesbian fucked by her Stepmother the Evil Queen. Gang banged by the 7 Dwarves. Jasmine fucked in chains by Jafar. The Little Mermaid losing her shells. Tinkerbell and her pin-up ass.

Now, we’re all being treated to what the Disney prince penis might look like. If you’d care to imagine.

Does any flash of flesh or human shape drawn or real really require a society-wide erection? I propose a ‘time out’ for sex obsessed adults who seem to focus on any ounce of filth and sex they can conjure, wherever they may look. What’s next – Sleeping Beauty revenge porn? Cinderella on page 3 to get the money for food?

Can we not have any part of life untouched by the lube-smeared hand of copulation-crazed adults?

I know that this article won’t change matters and in fact it’s another example of my unpopular opinions. Just yesterday I was exclaiming on Facebook how ridiculous it is that people are going ditsy over the latest comic book cover which seemingly depicts the ‘gloriously presented arse’ of Spider Woman. Hey guys: hate to break it to you but we’ve been presented with Spiderman, Superman and Batman’s snugly presented cock ‘n balls beneath the ‘supertight’ Lycra for years. Get over it. And anyway, that’s what happens when you get a porn artist to drawn your mainstream Marvel comic book cover. It was hardly ever going to be a Hans Christian Andersen illustration was it. Not even Quentin Blake.

Please could we stop sexing up the innocence and leave just a small area of life untouched, as a clean part of childhood? Why can’t we just enjoy seeing things through innocent, untouched by adulthood eyes – at least temporarily? There’s enough porn on the internet, whether real people or illustrated. I know this comes across a little ‘won’t somebody think of the children‘, but please stop feeding your wank bank with pieces of my childhood and sullying shared memories of films and entertainment I enjoy with my kids.

Official Stampy Pants Rant

– Cara Sutra


  1. My only “defense” of this viral piece is that it is, in some small way, a send-up if the overly sexualized women of Disney. You yourself even mention “Tinkerbell’s pin-up ass.”

    My disappointment in the Disney Dick piece is only two-fold: that make buddies are being compartmentalized and objectified as women’s more surf are, and the amount of body-shaming directed at perfectly agreeable aspects of certain male genitalia characteristics.

    That people like to sexualize, in fantasy, something they enjoy (Disney, in this case) doesn’t bother me one whit.

    • *male bodies (not “make buddies”)

      And *women’s more often are (not “more surf are”)

      The small comment box on a phone make proofreading my Swype fails difficult. LOL

  2. I agree. Somethings are for sex and somethings most definitely are not. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer my sex to be between real life actual humans. There is no need to sexualise something that is meant to be innocent, escapist, fun.

    That said, the original versions of these “fairy” tales often did have far darker, adult themes. Prince Charming did not wake Sleeping Beauty with a kiss in the original tale.

    So maybe the Disney fetishists are simply returning a perverse “purity” to the genre.

    I still don’t approve though.


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