Stampy Pants Rants: Why the fuck aren’t all vibrators waterproof?

Stop making vibrators which aren’t waterproof!

how to clean your sex toys

Why oh why oh why oh why are there even vibrators being made, in the 21st century, which aren’t waterproof? I could almost forgive non-waterproof styles back in say, 1982, when sex toy research and technology wasn’t as advanced as it is today. But when you can get a waterproof vibrator from only £6 (SIX, not SIXTY) it just doesn’t make any sense. I’ve seen non-waterproof internal vibrators being sold in the region of £70-100 to customers. Vibrators which cannot be submerged in a sink of water to clean it properly afterwards!

I’m not talking about the vulva stroking, clitoral teasing, external body massagers (although these could do with being waterproof across the board too, if I had my way), I’m talking about turn it on and get it UP IN YA internal, penetrative vibrators. Vibrators which are used inside the body. Or come to that, vibrating butt plugs and anal vibrators. They go UP INSIDE THE BUTT.

Technical terminology there, obviously.

Do sex toy manufacturers really think a light wipe with a damp cloth is gonna suffice? Perhaps a little anti-bac spray and leave it on the windowsill? Is this really hygienic? No.

Yeah yeah, I know it’s expensive to make vibrators but this isn’t simply another novelty feature – for an internally used vibrator it’s a need. In my opinion, of course.

You wouldn’t put up with non-waterproof underwear would you? That’s not even going inside your body (well ok, not unless you’re getting kinky here -ahem-) and you still want to change your undies daily and WASH THEM in the washing machine. I don’t imagine you ‘lightly spritz’ the gusset and leave it to dry, nor do you give the gusset a light clean with a wet wipe before tucking it back in the drawer. Or at least, I hope you don’t. Stay away from me.

Official Stampy Pants RantSo why the fuck do we put up with non-waterproof internal vibrators? This isn’t a normal approach to an internally used device! I want to be able to enjoy my vaginal vibrator or vibrating butt plug without thinking either

a) Better not get too excited, I need to clean this carefully afterwards and it’s not waterproof


b) Ah fuck it, it’s not a waterproof vibrator so it’s gonna have to be a disposable one now

People spend money buying your vibrators, manufacturers. You’re charging them, in some cases, rather a lot of money for a device which is supposed to bring them intimate, sexual pleasure either alone or with a partner, for use inside the body. People are going to want to damn well WASH their vibrators, not just wipe with a cloth, carefully avoiding your badly joined seams, the charging port, or the remote control wire that some sex toys still insist on having. Ugh.

Yeah, I’m a sex toys snob. And I’m not even spending my hard earned money buying the sex toys. How about people that do? With the help of educational sites (like this one, I hope you’ll agree), people are becoming wiser to the facts about sex toys and what features they want in their vibrators. I think being able to keep them 100% hygienically clean is a good start, so make all vibrators waterproof!

Yeah I also want to enjoy my sex toys discreetly, masturbating in the bath or having sex using them in the shower if I want – but the main reason they should be fully waterproof (not just water-resistant) is so I can clean them as thoroughly as I clean anything else intimate about myself or my belongings.

I may start a petition. I am adding this rant to the one about those damned watch batteries.

Thank you for listening…


– that ranty Cara



  1. I agree with this 100%. There is no reason we should have toys like this any more. If a toy can’t be properly cleaned it always makes me uncomfortable with the idea of using it. Some manufacturers need to get with the times!

  2. I also want them to stop calling Non-waterproof Vibrators Waterproof. I had one and brought it in the shower with me…ten seconds later it fizzled out. I agree with you though..only make true waterproof vibrators if not for the important washing them reason then for all of us squirters and soakers who get them sloshing around in no time…lol Love You!!

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