When A Rough Sex Session Leaves You With Kinky Bruises & Bite Marks

When A Rough Sex Session Leaves You With Kinky Bruises & Bite Marks

Kinky bruises and bite marks  – how do you feel about them?  Like so many parts of BDSM, opinion is divided on whether being left with bruises, scratches, bite marks etc is a good way or a bad way to end a scene or rough sex session with your partner.  It may be a matter of personal taste but it is also one which causes some heated discussions amongst kinksters, dominants and submissives alike.

When A Rough Sex Session Leaves You With Kinky Bruises & Bite Marks

Some people think that having hidden kinky bruises after an intense play session with your partner is like wearing sexy underwear to work; nobody else may know that they are there but you do. Feeling them when you sit down or thinking of them, looking at them in the mirror in the ladies or gents room at work can bring back some great memories of how they got there in the first place.

Kinky bruises can be a little bit like badges of honour, your prize for the gift that you gave to your partner. Your secret memory of the time you spent together.

Kink or Abuse?

However, amongst people outside of the kink scene, there is a lot of talk about there being a fine line between BDSM and abuse. Many people who are not part of the kinky lifestyle don’t understand what turns people on about being spanked, or the power exchange of a D/s relationship.  Even within the kink scene, whether you like to give and receive kinky bruises is a personal decision and one which people are bound to disagree on.

Whether you like to collect bruises or would prefer not to have your skin marked, this is not always something you can guarantee when you play with any kind of intensity, especially with a new partner or if you are the submissive in the relationship. It should definitely form part of any discussion about limits and what you both want from a session before you start to play with a new partner (including safe words or the traffic light system is this is how you prefer to communicate), but no dominant can promise not to leave bruises, no matter how much they might try.  You need to feel confident in talking things through before playing. If you are confident enough to bare your skin to someone, you also need to be confident enough to tell them what you want and don’t want.

Communication Avoids Guilt

You need to also consider the feelings of guilt that a dominant may feel in marking their submissive.   Just because they want to and they know you want them to, it doesn’t always mean that they will be able to do so without feeling a little bit of guilt creeping in.  Again, communication is a great way to deal with this.

Reassuring your partner that you love your marks, that you are pleased that you are left with them and that you love the memories they give you is a great way to encourage a repeat performance. But at the same time, if you ended up with marks that you were hoping not to receive, its OK to say something.  Its OK to ask that next time, could the focus be elsewhere on your body or perhaps try out a different kind of play so that you are not left with unwanted bruises.

Flash or Cover?

When A Rough Sex Session Leaves You With Kinky Bruises & Bite MarksEven if you are happy with the after results of a kinky session, the negative associations with bruises from the rest of the world can be hard to get away from.  While you may look in the mirror and enjoy the sight of your black and blue body, the chances are that your friends and family won’t feel the same way if they happen to see you.

As few of us live in a 100% kink friendly world where everyone knows the ins and outs of our sex lives, it is important to consider where your kinky bruises are and how likely you are to have to explain yourself to loved ones.  This is especially important if you are in a committed relationship with your kinky partner, you may not feel too bad about your mum seeing bruises that were the result of a one off meeting but she might find it hard to look at her son in law over Sunday lunch if she thinks he is abusing you.

But there is no need for kinky bruises to be left in places that are easily seen by others.

Where to Safely Mark

Your bum, boobs and thighs tend to be popular areas for kink related bruises, usually from being spanked, flogged, caned or otherwise beaten.  Luckily these are all places that you can hide easily from other people and so shouldn’t cause you too many problems.  If you have marks on your wrists, ankles or throat from cuffs or fingers you may find these harder to hide and or explain, but these can be avoided by experimenting with different types of cuffs and restraints and finding those which work best for you.

Of course, there are always ways to prevent yourself from bruising if you are not keen, none of them are guaranteed to leave you bruise free but there are also ways that will speed up the healing process if you need them to.

Preventing or Healing Kinky Bruises

–          Take iron supplements.  You are more likely to bruise if your iron levels are low.  This is something that you need to think about in advance and make part of your general daily routine.

–          When A Rough Sex Session Leaves You With Kinky Bruises & Bite MarksIf you do bruise and the area is tender, ice it using a pack of frozen peas or similar, with 10/15 mins on and 10/15 mins off for as long as you can bear it.

–          Watch where you play.  If you are on a hard surface you are more likely to bruise than if you are laying on a soft bed.

–          Some parts of your body are more likely to bruise than others, your abdomen and upper arms are more susceptible than any other part of your body so steer clear of these areas if kinky bruises aren’t your thing.

–          Heat will only help bruises once they are fully out, a couple of days after the impact.

–          If bruises last for longer than 2 weeks you may need to seek medical attention.

–          Arnica can help draw out the bruise, but be warned this may make it worse before it makes it better!

–          Bear in mind both the season and what you have planned for the next couple of weeks.  It is easier to hide bruises, scratches and other marks in the winter when you can wear long sleeved tops, trousers and scarves.  Also if you have a beach holiday or swimming trip planned, then a heavy kink session might not be the best idea, unless you really don’t care what people think!

Aftercare is a Must

Aftercare is really important in any intense BDSM scene and this is a good time to look at your body and whether you received any marks that might need attention.  It’s a good idea to have a basic first aid kit at hand somewhere just in case you need it.  Aftercare can be a great way to bond and can be anything from snuggling up together to sitting and having a meal and chatting about the way the scene worked, it can be used as a way to bring up anything that you’d like to change next time.

I think that whether or not you wear your kinky bruises with pride and mourn their fading or are horrified at the thought of your partner marking you – as long as you are happy then it shouldn’t be anyone else’s business.  But we all know the real world doesn’t always work this way so exercising some caution in where you allow yourself to be bruised is always a good idea.  If you make sure to speak to your partner before playing, consider where you can be marked without it being awkward in the real world and have some idea of how to care for any kinky bruises or marks then you’re well on your way to a healthy kinky relationship.

 


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2 COMMENTS

  1. As someone who’s been doing WIITWD for many decades, I thought this was a really good article. It was well-written and accurate and, in these things accuracy is crucial. Thanks for writing and publishing this.

  2. I’m one of those people who doesn’t like to show sex marks. My fiance and I aren’t especially kinky, so we don’t really have to worry about impact marks, but he loves to bite and suck on my neck, and I always have to tell him to take it easy because I don’t want to be taking hickies to work with me. I don’t mind at all if the marks are hidden by clothing, so if he wants to mark my breasts or my ass, that’s better for me than marking my neck or somewhere immediately visible to other people.

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